Just need to vent....

[catmom1, BSN, RN]

Hello to all my recovering comrades

As many of you might know I have been looking for nursing work for a long time and having very little luck.

Well, I thought some light shone in the darkness a few weeks ago when an LPN at one of my meetings told me about a psych facility she works at who might be able to use me as at least an on-call RN. I called and had an interview scheduled and was so excited about it that I started sobbing in my morning NA meeting. Job hunting has been one of the darkest experiences of my life, right up their with the deaths of my parents.

Anyway, I had what I thought was a decent interview with a nurse (who didn't talk much) and a very nice social worker. BTW, the nurse I interviewed with is currently on probation for calling fraudulent scripts in for herself. She said nothing when I revealed my history of discipline but I knew because I looked her up on my state's website before the interview.

The social worker said that she would have their HR person call me within a couple of days to let me know if they could use me or not. I have psych experience, a psych degree in addition to my BSN and I love psych. The HR person never called me and I left several messages for her without her calling me back.

Finally, she answered the phone and said that their staffing was "up in the air" because they were seeking a new head nurse and to check back in a week or so, which I did. I left a message & got no response, again.

That was about a week and a half ago. What is prompting my post tonight is that I just saw that this facility posted online for 2 on call LPN positions four days ago!!!

I totally understand why people give up on nursing after license discipline. I was too ashamed for years after my license suspension was over to even face all the hoops and humiliation of probation. BUT I will tell you what: It was such a relief to work in a non-nursing job and not have the Scarlet Letter on my face and just be a regular person.

The Robin Williams suicide is weighing on my mind too. I read his account of a relapse into alcoholism in 2003 after 20 years of sobriety. He said he was on location for a movie in Alaska and felt "sad and alone." He walked into a store and some little bottles of Jack Daniels started looking like a solution. I feel sad and alone every day, but fortunately, so far, I haven't believed the lie that one of my addictions is the answer.

Thanks for reading.

Catmom :paw:

[Twoyearnurse]

I am in Alaska, and let me tell you...it is lonely here. Robin Williams has been playing in my head as well, I've talked about it at meetings as well as in treatment. I use that same laughter and "good attitude" to mask my emotions, and sometimes when I am alone the emptiness and loneliness consumes me, but then I reach out and someone takes my hand. It is hard to force myself to do that, I'd rather pretend to be okay. Reminders like this strengthen my resolve to continue to connect with others, lest my mind should kill me.

You are so strong. What a turbulent journey this is. You are, in this moment, exactly what you are supposed to be, and you are loved. My thoughts are with you tonight, lovely stranger.

[catmom1, BSN, RN]

Thank you, Twoyearnurse, for your kind words. I am having a tough day so far today but I know that my little dog Emma loves me and that helps me get through the loneliness of my situation. :loveya:

Catmom :paw:

[RNIBCLC]

>>

[lvn4me2011]

I don't know if your in Southern California but if you are...it's not psych but there are a lot of RN positions with MemorialCare you should check it out.

[sissiesmama, ASN, RN]

(((((Catmom)))))

Anne, RNC

[catmom1, BSN, RN]

Thanks to all who have offered support here. :loveya:

I finally called and spoke directly to the social worker who interviewed me 3 weeks ago. She said I "wasn't a good fit" :barf01:

I pressed her further and asked how I might make myself a better candidate in the future and she said I should have more recent RN experience. However, I know they have hired LPN's right out of school with zero experience. I guess I have the stench of unemployment around me.

On a brighter note, I have been hired by at least one "wellness" company to do flu shots and will be able to hopefully start signing up Monday to make some money to survive on.

I want to give a special thank you to lvn4me2011 for the specific job suggestion. :tku:

I am in Nebraska, so California isn't really possible for me now.

Wish me luck, y'all.

Catmom :paw: