I graduated with my BSN in May 2019 and am currently in my 3rd nursing job since then. I started off at the county hospital on a step-down unit and hated it. The patients were mean, I didn’t feel like part of the team, and I dreaded going to work. I lasted about 7 weeks into orientation and basically begged for a position on the unit I worked on in nursing school at a different hospital, a cardiac step-down unit. I liked it a lot more, however I had/have horrible anxiety about work.
There is almost never a minute where I’m not thinking about it.
I thought it was because I was working bedside, so after a year on CPCU I got a job as a home hospice case manager. It was very appealing, Monday through Friday, 8 to 5, no weekends or holidays. My best friend also has the same position and raved about it, saying she basically “does nothing” and that it is so easy. That sounded way better than working bedside and thought it would be way better for my anxiety, so I took the job and have been there for almost 2 months. However my experience has been totally different.
Like I said, my best friend also works for the same company and it is a small office. When I was hired on, she told me the office was planning on firing one of the nurses and I would be replacing her. Once I was off orientation, they decided to not fire the nurse and I was sent to a different branch temporarily to help since our branch is now over staffed with me.
I’ve been traveling about an hour and a half 3 days a week and am working for a different office with different people where the turnover has been very high. I am now being told I might be sent to another office to help, as they are also short on nurses. I feel bad saying no, as in the interview process I said I was a team player (which I am) and that is mostly why they hired me.
I have voiced my concerns, as I am not doing what I had expected and was told I would be doing, which was to have a set caseload in one territory.
My anxiety is exponentially worse. Today I had 5 episodes of chest pain, and it happens 5-6 days a week. I need to be on medication for it surely, but I can’t help but think it is due to the amount of responsibility I have with my job now as a Case Manager and what the job entails. I am constantly thinking about work.
I have also thought hospice isn’t for me. I thought it would be, but I can’t help but miss my cardiac patients and actually treating people and seeing improvement. I am also stressed with the responsibility as I am managing their meds and I am the only nurse with my eyes on the patient. I guess I have learned the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, but I have found myself wondering again what else I could be doing instead.
Is it bad to be looking for another job again?
I want to give it time because I was at one job for 7 weeks, one for a year, and now this one for 2 months. That looks horrible on a resume. I have thought about cath lab holding, or pre-op. Something with a set schedule and normal hours. I just don’t want to be seen as a job hopper.
