Is it just me?

[Murybur]

After 6 hours of checking, re-checking, and checking again the status of my patient with respiratory distress, I find myself at home and awake at 4AM, busy in every way. Texting friends… tidying the place… scrolling through endless social media posts…

I’ve been indiscriminate with how I use my time, as long as it keeps me from being still. Stillness means my mind settles onto the memory of my patient struggling to breathe, the Rapid Response called over the intercom, my student’s wide eyes. I remember a detail I forgot to give in report. Should I call? Surely my good intentions will be lost in the chaos of that floor with a higher level of care, where the tele-monitors are watched remotely in some dark room with a hundred screens. There my patient is reduced to a tiny glowing blip, name and birthdate attached.

It would have been easier if my patient and I hadn’t connected. Beyond a gruff exterior was a person who cared deeply about family and worked hard to make a beautiful home - pictures on a phone screen were proof. A lump grew in my throat as I saw the true depth of suffering this illness had caused my patient and the grimness the future holds. It seems like sharing a quiet, tearful moment made my day more special. Yet I find myself wishing I had kept my armor on - the armor I’ve built after hearing one too many sob stories.

I usually clock out with gusto and enthusiasm, but today it doesn’t feel like I ever ended my nursing day. My mind is stuck at the bedside, hoping my patient takes another breath.

I hope others can relate.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Not just you.  It's hard when a patient crashes to turn our minds off.  It's because you're a good nurse and that you care.

[JBMmom, MSN, NP]

Not just you, sorry that you had a rough shift. You've done everything you could, it's always hard when things don't go the way we would hope. Take care of yourself!

[RNperdiem, RN]

It is hard to switch off after some shifts and just go to sleep.

This is where I take a long therapeutic walk and think about whatever comes into my mind. This is a set-aside time to work though problems, plan for the future, do mental replays, praise myself for what went right, forgive myself my real or imagined shortcomings and realized what can be learned. After the walk, my mind is cleared (even a little bit), and I can better move on. I have heard that writing things down in a journal can do the same thing.

 

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

It's the curse of the nurse. We don't have a  job that is over at the end of the day. Only you can manage that stress. 

Best wishes.