Is it ever appropriate to...

[julz68]

...send family members a sympathy card when their loved one has passed away?

I had a very young patient last night who was very ill. Over the entire shift, I spent most of my time in that room taking care of her and also being a comfort to her family. They were a very loving family and we bonded over that 12 hours.

When I came back to work tonight, I learned that the patient had unexpectedly coded and died an hour after my shift was over. I feel horrible and want to send my condolences.

Is it appropriate, as a nurse, to send the family a card? Has anyone else done so?

[Bortaz, MSN, RN]

I've done it, but my patients are often under my care for much longer than a day.

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

I have done it, but usually it was signed by all the nurses on the shift. Some nurses have goine to funerals, but I have not

[NicuGal, MSN, RN]

We do as a unit.

[KittyLovinRN]

I've done it NUMEROUS times, I had a patient in home care who's wife I never actually had the opportunity to meet, his sister was staying with him. The night his wife arrived, he died unexpectedly. I was devastated as I couldn't figure out WHY and I could only imagine how his wife and sister were feeling. I sent BOTH a sympathy card, I needed some closure too and I wanted them to know that I cared about him also.

I also have gone to two funerals, when you spend MONTHS taking care of someone (and their family) it's sometimes just something that you need to do for yourself. Some nurses are far better at not getting attached than I am, but it's certainly something I'm working on. It can be a truly emotionally draining profession!

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

We just attended a relative's funeral. He was a cardiologist and one of the most surprising things we learned about him was that he and his partners always attended the funerals of their deceased patients. Many of those family members were at his services and remembered his kindness in so doing. So yes, it's appropriate to help you move on. If you find yourself overinvolved, though, back off and think about seeing a good grief counselor to get a handle on professional boundaries.

(I was also impressed by the very large numbers of nurses who attended, and to learn that in lieu of flowers money was to be sent to the Nursing Excellence Fund at his hospital to support continuing ed for staff nurses.)