Intense grief from losing long term patient

[Badnelly31]

I have been in long term care nursing for 9 years now so I am no stranger to death or losing patients, I have never had any issues before. Yesterday I came on shift and was called back to my favorite patients room this person is alert and oriented and someone I joke and laugh with and genuinely look forward to seeing everyday. I normally don’t get attached to my patients but this one was different. I had a strong connection with them. Without going in to much detail this person went from talking to me to unresponsive and gone in a matter of minutes and I watched them pass right in front of me. I lost it. I sat at the bedside crying, ended up going home and haven’t been able to shake it. I’ve never felt this way over a patient death and feel like it’s definitely going to change me as a nurse. Has anyone experienced a reaction like this before? I keep replaying it in my head and feel like I’m in shock. 

[amoLucia]

Two things - this could have occurred with ANY pt. That alone would surprise and catch anybody off guard.

And then, you were hit with the double whammy of the pt being a favorite. That's a double low blow!

So it's not too hard to understand your distress. Hopefully, it should pass and you will grow & learn from the experience.

I've had similar happen to me twice - both times caught me off guard. Looking back after all these years, I clearly remember being shocked by how shocked I was at the time. It made me more aware how fleeting life can be.

If your facility has some type of EAP, I'd suggest some discussion. I doubt many LTC facilities have such a service, so it might just help to talk it over with some more exp staff member. Give yourself some air. And take care. 

[JBMmom, MSN, NP]

I'm very sorry for your loss. One of the benefits, and drawbacks, to long term care is the special relationships that can develop between nurses and residents/patients. Of course it will change you as a nurse, and as a person, you've lost someone that you connected with. And it sounds like the very sudden change in condition made the experience a bit more traumatic. Perhaps you can view it in a positive way because you could be there for them at the end of life. Definitely reach out to someone to talk through it with them, even a coworker that also knew the person and could spend some time reminiscing with you might make you feel better. I wish you all the best, you are clearly a caring and conscientious nurse, loss is always difficult but it sounds like you would have done every possible, as appropriate, for this patient. Take care of yourself. 

[TriciaJ, RN]

I agree with JBMmom.  Look at it this way:  she was alert and talking to someone who thought highly of her, and then she was gone.

There are definitely worse, drawn-out ways to go.  Next time you have the wrenching experience of watching someone die by inches, think of your favourite person and how blessed you both were to be together at the time.

Find some little way to honour her memory and the priviledge it was to know and care for her.

Wishing you peace and healing.