In a very bad spot

During the first year or two, the newly sober, newly grateful RN in the Diversion program is shuffled from point A to point B, directed to jump through hoop C while providing a random urine drug sample in mid air and instructed to land precisely on a red rubber ball at point D. It is required that these feats be accomplished without any visible sign of RESENTMENT (resentment is the “f” word of Recovery and is a dead giveaway that you are "using" and therefore must go back to point A on the game board and start your life term over) while reciting the creed of the Repentant…” I am grateful.” “I deserve every sting of the whip.” “ I am here because of my own actions and I AM grateful.”

Any more hoops? More hoops please. Bring on the hoops!

You go to 90 meetings in 90 days. If you are discovered to have missed any meetings, Here you go... another 90 meetings, complements of the BRN.

Two meetings on one day does not earn you a free day.

Pay close attention to this part because we tried to make it simple for you. It’s called “90.…in... 90” …Clever…No?. Are you feeling grateful yet? We will know if you miss missed any meetings because you will keep track of your meetings on a little card by having it signed each time by the meeting chairperson…because you are a drug addict after all and certainly cannot be trusted to fill the card out yourself.

It makes some sort of sense to the BRN to have another drug addict verify your attendance at a meeting of drug addicts.

So, just like the newly paroled and the repeat DUIs , you turn in a card at the beginning of each meeting and you do not get it back until the end… But unlike the other two types of “card” attendees, who will do this for 30 to 60 meetings, you will be getting your card signed for at least three of your four to five years. You can look forward to the experience of walking into an AA meeting with three years clean and sober and getting a card signed. “this little piece of shame was brought to you today by the Board of Registered Nursing, the preferred sponsor of the Stigma Program for Drug Addicted and Mentally deranged nurses.”

If you want to go somewhere overnight, be sure to ask, “Mother May I? “ at least two weeks in advance. In the Diversion Program, autonomy has an alternate spelling…P-E-E I-N T-H-I-S C-U-P…It’s true. You actually do sign your personal freedom away in exchange for a chance to play the game; the final showcase being that your circus act will have a finale, a disappearing act. No disciplinary file on record. You are done. You are redeemed. If you are not actually transformed back to normal, you are at least allowed to wear the mask again. And you may do so without the A…without the Scarlet A. … “Hmmm,” says the Ring leader, “since your offenses were less severe than some others, you might suffer from the delusion that Normality is within your ultimate grasp.”

“What else might you lay on the sacrificial table in exchange for the Golden N stamp?” “Will you give us your dignity? your self-respect?…will you give us what remains of your self esteem?…in exchange for the golden N?”…”Hmmm?”…”If we take away the A?”…

And you want the answer to be “no,” but in the final accounting…you will…oh yes…you will. The BRN is the “dope man” of normality. “Get your cotton candy here! And a free ‘My mommy is a drug addict in the BRN Diversion Program’ bumper Sticker…

While supplies last.”

I have more of my story on my blog. Message me if you are interested in knowing the url.