I'm stressed out and nervous.

[yng65]

I am an ICU new grad nurse who works day shift, just finished my orientation last week and start working on my own tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'm ready to fly on my own. My preceptor didn't assure me that I was ready but she said "Let's try, see how it goes..." I didn't start working full-time @ unit until mid-April because I was assigned to take "Critical Care Class" 2days/wk. So during the first 3months after I was hired, I only worked 1day/wk. I try to see that I'm getting better each week even thought it seems to me a very small baby step at a time. I used to compair myself w/ an another new grad nurse who works during night shift. It seems to me that she is doing much better than I am. This forum helps me a lot to know I'm not the only one who is strugging to go through right now. I still feel very stupid time to time, especially when I talk w/ drs and taking orders. How come they have to speak so fast or write lines in order which supporse to be English writing. When I think about work, I can feel my heart starts beating faster and heavy feeling in my stomach. 2days ago @ work, I wanted to drop everything and run to home. I try to think positive and use day offs to mend my broken confidence. Last week, I thought I hit the bottom point, I called Suicide hot line when I got home. (I was not trying to kill myself but I was severely depressed and thinking about dying a lot) . I feel a little better today but I'm still very nervous about tomorrow. I want to quit but I had to sign the contract w/ the hospital when I was hired and I have to pay $20,000 if I quit before 2yrs anniversary. My friends say I'm too hard on myself but I don't feel that way. Any advice?

[PAERRN20]

I've been stressed, nervous, and a million different emotions I can't even describe. It does get better. If you are feeling that depressed though maybe it's time to switch to a different unit? I don't know if you can do that but it may help. Critical care is difficult to start out in. I started in the ER. Nobody thought I'd make it. Some days I didn't think I would make it. But I did. And you can become a great ICU nurse. It takes time. Please take care of yourself first. No job is worth being depressed all the time over.

[NickiLaughs, ADN, BSN, RN]

I can relate somewhat. I'm still on orientation. But everyday I want to call in sick, everyday I'm depressed. I'm only happy when my shift is over. I can't really give any advice, I just wanted you to know you're not alone.

If the job is to the level that it's beginning to threaten your physical health, then it's probably best to seek other employment. It seems like our mental health is always damaged at these jobs.

I wish you the best.

[Kathyz]

I know how you feel!! I have been off orientation for a week now. I thought things were going well into last night.... I took verbal orders over the phone from an MD (tons of meds, she was rattling off labs, etc). I felt like a complete idiot. I had to even call her back. I just hope I got it right. I was late giving an antibiotic on another patient and had a third patient bladder scanned hoping it would be

I left feeling discouraged but we're all new. Like in any job we had before, it's a learning curve. And my husband always asks me when I get home, "Did you kill him/her?" And since it's a "no", he said no big deal. I really am hoping to be called off tonight but I know that won't happen. I just hope I don't have any admissions or blood draws. But one thing I learned last night: Pharmacy is my best friend!! So something good came out of it.

[NC Girl BSN]

Hope things are going okay since your on your own. I dread that day. I have another 2 weeks.

[carolina4]

holy crap yall are scaring me. i start my orientation in the STBICU next monday and i am already expecting to lose sleep over it and be scared ****less, but i just pray that my preceptor is nice and WANTS to teach me. what happens if they DONT?