Im a New RN stuck in limbo!

[britmansf18]

MY name is Brittany. I graduated in May of 2009. I was like one of the last people to find a job in my class after graduation, but it paid off. I got a job at a very well known hospital large trauma center. I chose to go to one of the smaller branches and work on a med/surg orthopedic/neuro floor. We got 12 weeks of orientation which was wonderful! In the beginning I was right on track, but had trouble advancing the number of patients. By the end of orientation I was managing 5 patients fine. My problem is I am so unsure of myself, partly because I had severe anxiety unbeknownst to me. My manager pulled me aside one day and asked what was going on after I was sent to the hospital because I became short of breath and felt crushing pain down my left arm and left leg. I was told it was anxiety related but if it kept happening to follow up with a cardiologist. They thought I was having some PVCs related to stress. I was sent to employee health to be evaluated and the doctor sent me back to work saying that it was just a rough patch I was going through and everything was going to pan out. I just needed time. Towards the end of my orientation I made a medication error. I hooked up the IV tubing to the wrong port and mag bolused a patient. It was a 100 cc bolus and it wasn't a problem at all bc the patients mag levels came back wnl and the doctor said it was like taking a mag vitamin at home and if anything was going to happen it would have immediately. Everything was fine after I got over being unsure of myself about IV therapy. However, at the end of orientation I had one day where I felt like I just could not do anything. I felt clouded and my preceptor reported me to my supervisor once again. She sent me on a leave. The doctor at employee health said I needed to leave and figure out any accomodations I needed to come back. Those accomodations were 4 patients and advance within 2 weeks and await job placement. Those accomodations were unrealistic but they are hesistant to get rid of me fearing I will not get the help I need without insurance. Now I am stuck because I am fearful of them firing me/forcing me to resign for my future in nursing. I have been told time and time again that I am smart and I will be a great nurse. Some of my preceptors thought different of me and I worked differently under them. I feel like other preceptors reinforced my anxiety and made it worse for me to focus. Now im sitting home wondering if I should just give up and find any old job to keep the bills paid. I have applied a few places for a nursing position, but idk how to explain all of this to my next employer. The organization truly does not have a job for any of its graduates so they are all using leave time from employees that are on a leave and only have temporary positions. After that, who knows what will happen to them, so my supervisor told me to just tell my next employer that there were no permanent positions available. What do I do? HELLLPP!

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

You don't need advice from a bunch of (even) well-meaning strangers on an internet message board. You need to go, right now, to your local mental health practice for an eval and to get set up for counseling to help you with whatever they diagnose you with, which in my completely unqualified opinion sounds like anxiety/depression, and to learn coping skills to use when you are confronted by someone who is less that completely affirming to everything you are (like the preceptors that didn't make feel good).

[britmansf18]

Counseling does no good when youre homeless anyways

[britmansf18]

I am and have been getting counseling! Thanks!

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

Sounds like you have a great deal going on, with a number of stressors.

If you are in counseling, focus that therapy on specific coping skills.

First things first and create an "action plan".

Do you have a friend or a family member that can assist you in organizing your priorities? Then continuing with your counseling on how to cope with your anxiety.

Per TOS not meant to be medical advice, but make huge use of your counseling. Your counselor can also help you make an action plan.

[krice7]

I've been going through somewhat of the same thing. I've been an RN for a little over a year now and working night shift med/surg full time and prn pediatrics. I have a history of some depression but never anxiety until this past July and within two weeks I had been to the ER twice with sky high blood pressure and heart rate. Both times I was told it was anxiety. I've been trying to manage it with some meds but hasn't been working so I started therapy last week. The only thing I can relate the anxiety to is work and night shift. I feel somewhat stuck because I can't leave my job because of bills and I can't find a day shift position to see if it would help... I'm hoping therapy will help me sort some of it out. But I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone! And if you figure out a way to cure your anxiety, definitely let me know!

[britmansf18]

I definitely know it was almost like performance anxiety all the time and i feel paralyzed to even go back to the hospital to try again. I do have a bit of panic disorder too i guess. I was told I have generalized anxiety disorder at the moderate level and panic disorder. No freaky sorta stuff where im like paranoid to leave my house but it contributes to my anxiety. I was told the meds im on are the best and I was so confident but I feel as if theyre making me feel worse. I was told to take them when i feel anxious at work but even the slightest bit knocks me off my feet. I cant do that at work! Id be going home for being intoxicated. I started taking them to sleep because I was so restless from everything that was happening so she discontinued some of the ones i took as needed. I have an appointment tomorrow I will let you know. They also told me in the ER to follow up with a cardiologist and I think I may do that. I don't know what else to do. The other weird thing I have is this hot/ tingly feeling and then my extremities get cold. I really think I landed in the wrong spot to begin my nursing career. I keep being told that by so many people. This all started a week after I was hired for this job. I had one panic attack in the middle of class towards the end of my senior year, but that was an isolated episode. EVersince then though I feel as if it's getting worse. My therapist definitely takes the edge off of things and helps me think rationally. I am grateful for the time I can spend with her to talk about things. I am hoping you find some relief in counseling! I just have had so many problems in my life, a traumatic childhood. I brought myself through nursing school and I passed my boards. There is no giving up now!