I'm on my final straw...

[atxgirly]

Hi all,

I came on here to partially vent and also to gain some perspective from others who have been in a similar situation as I have. 

I have been working on a general Peds floor at a hospital for the last 2 years and I am at my breaking point both physically, mentally, and emotionally. I had a very rough first year between coworkers, playing favorites by management, and starting off on day shift as a new grad. Between all of that, I have had a few very minor incidents that have started a paper trail on me that has never been forgotten about even if these incidents happened almost 1.5 years ago.

Some of these minor incidents include- not having an order to d/c a foley 1 hr after an epidural was removed (who would know that as a brand new nurse) and not removing it before the oncoming shift, not "knowing how to use a pulse ox" (which is completely fabricated and untrue), asking my charge nurse/supervisor what to do when my patient has a chest tube and started having SOB after being disconnected for 5 min to go to the bathroom (OK per orders), connecting the wrong color filter tubing to TPN & forgetting the claves (my mistake), among many other ERS's that have lead my management team to believe that I lack the critical thinking necessary to do my job. In her words, "I can't teach critical thinking". None of the ERS's have been related to medication errors or serious patient safety concerns. I was a brand new nurse that lacked experience.

I was bullied by a lot of day shift nurses who gossiped about me when asking Q's ("shouldn't she know that by now".... *eye roll*; made comments about my appearance, giving me the worst shifts, etc.), and bullied by one supervisor who seemed to have it out for me. All of this created an environment of hostility and feeling inferior/afraid to ask questions for fear of getting another write up or email explaining why I lacked critical thinking skills to my manager. 

After a 1.5 years of being on day shift I was basically told that I need to go to nights or they would let me go. I ended up going to nights for about 5 months and after a meeting today with management, I was told that my file was going to be sent to HR from all of the previous incident reports & complaints from parents.

We reviewed the recent complaints, and I had a mom write a very long social media review to the hospital about me specifically and a patient rep got in touch with my manager, who then got in touch with me. The complaint was absolutely ridiculous and in no way was I an unsafe or incompetent nurse. I was completely blindsided by this negative review because the mom didn't seem upset or bothered by anything that night and never asked to speak with my charge. Another parent complained about me leaving trash at the bedside, pushing toradol too fast (I had a NS flush that was pushed faster than toradol) not emptying the urine overnight (which I did), and being disorganized (whatever that means). All to say that parents clearly don't speak up during my shift but can me to my managers and I then have to answer for it. Some parents have an entitlement attitude and think they can tell me how to do my job when I am the RN. I am getting sick and tired of the backstabbing from other coworkers, management playing favorites, other nurses who are not held accountable for their actions OR not held to the same standard as I am, parents who demand everything be given to them on a silver platter when I am neck deep in an assignment that requires 100% of my attention and focus because anything could go wrong at any point, and parents who will come find me on the unit/med room to tell me they need blankets or pain meds for their child. I get it, you want what's best for your child, but I am prone to error if I have a million distractions that take away from my attention on a higher acuity kid.

I am tired of management never having my side when a parent complains about something. It's their word against mine. Always.

I was basically told today that my file will be sent to HR and I could be let go in a few days. I am literally so done with everything and I want out of nursing. I have been applying to jobs since last July but because of the pandemic, it's been a tough market to find yourself in. 

I would really appreciate some advice/ perspective. Thank you for reading this. 

[JKL33]

Have not been in a similar situation but I'm sorry this is happening. It sounds so very unhealthy and demoralizing.

It sounds like you are going to be let go. Whether there are legitimate complaints or not, getting out of there will be for the best in the long run.

The new grad "errors" that you mention are things that are exactly what orientation is for. I distinctly remember, like it was yesterday, drawing med from an ampule and then attaching the filter needle (while getting ready to administer the med to the patient). Because that's what I believed the filter needle was for--to catch any tiny glass shards while the med was being administered so they weren't pushed into the IV line. My preceptor was in the room while I was doing new things (as they should be) and saw me taking the needle out of the package...she smiled and said, "ooh....let's start over. I accompanied her to get more of the med and we reviewed my misunderstanding. I re-did the whole process using the filter needle appropriately the second time. I don't think she ever said another word about it!

So...the mistakes that you made should have been handled much differently. I'm sorry that you were written up and treated so poorly in the course of trying to learn new things.

Now...second topic:

What about your bedside demeanor and/or overall attitude? I am sure I would not be at my best after struggling daily with the hypercritical environment you have endured. But if your attitude isn't right, was never right, or has suffered due to all of this, that *must* change. At some point, disorganization is a problem. At some point feeling sort of adversarial with patients/parents is a problem. I personally think too many parents are unreasonable beyond usual levels of concern for their children, and for that reason I wouldn't want your job in peds and wouldn't be able to do it, especially with the kind of piss poor management support you're describing. But you do have that job and so you do need to understand (or learn) how to develop therapeutic relationships in less than ideal circumstances.

It took me awhile to learn this and I had some of the same thoughts as you ("I'm trying to concentrate, here..." etc.), but reality is that it does  matter if you can smile, it does matter if you can find a way to have kind interactions with others, it does matter if you can focus enough to be at least somewhat organized.

You are the one who can review and judge your own past performance in ^ these areas. My suggestion would be to go ahead and give yourself some constructive criticism and see where you can improve. Even if lots of other people were wrong or treated you wrongly, it would be a very bad idea to come out of this horrible experience without some self-reflection, so don't be afraid to do it. Reality is that it's unlikely all  of this was "everybody else." So review your own part in it, and do it in a positive way.

It's a learning experience. Don't berate yourself emotionally to the point that you are further crippled. Review the experience, glean from it what you can and learn what you are supposed to learn and then move ON. Put it in your column of life experiences that are going to improve you in some way if you let them.

Best of luck ~

[atxgirly]

I totally get what you're saying. I will do some reflecting and maybe it is an attitude that I've developed over the last 2 years that has just stuck with me. I'm not sure. I always try to be warm and friendly even if I'm not feeling that way. 

[atxgirly]

Also, I am not the same person I was 2 years ago as a brand new nurse. I was full of energy and ready to serve others, wanted to participate in committees on the unit, and full of high hopes as being a new nurse. Now, I am nowhere on that same wave length. I def need to seek therapy. Haha. But, If I were to quit without having another job lined up, that would be a disruption in income. I've been applying to several jobs a week but the job market is tough even for experienced nurses. 

[JKL33]

Surely this terrible experience has not helped anything and you're feeling beaten down right now as most people would.

You can get back to where you feel more in control. It is very difficult to continue to be positive in the face of the kind of criticism you have endured. But you don't sound like a negative person at heart, and therefore you have every reason to hope that things can and will get better. Therapy isn't a bad idea.

[2BS Nurse, BSN]

If you are willing to move, the job market isn't "terrible". They can't find enough nurses in my area of the country. I know that moving is not an option for many though.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

Since the writing is on the wall, leave before they fire you. Pediatric home care could work. Good luck.

[caliotter3]

I agree with BTDT that peds extended care home health would be a good quick “substitute” job until you get your equilibrium back. Beat feet to the nearest hh agency, but be prepared for a possible offer of low LPN level wages if they have no openings at the RN level of care. If you can’t get there before the termination, hh agencies are usually pretty understanding when it comes to less than stellar departures from the previous employer.