I'm afraid for my pt. and afraid to go to work.

[psalm, RN]

I saw a little child whose legs were smeared with feces, no panties while wearing a skirt, in 30 degree weather at a shopping plaza. Her adult female with her was swearing at her. I went to a security person and reported it. Within minutes the woman was being escorted to an indoor area by an officer.

As for children being exposed to Fantasy Fest...this is to condition the children that this type of behavior is "normal" and acceptable. Sad...and needs to be addressed.

But then, in some cultures, it is acceptable to use children any way the adult wants.

[Scrubby]

Poor little boy.

I agree with everyone who says to report your suspicions to CPS. From what you have described it doesn't sound like a safe environment for a helpless child.

I admire your dedication and care towards your patient. No one should feel afraid to go to work.

[Luv2care0907]

Seems like someone who could threaten to strangle a disabled child--his child, for Pete's sake--with the kid's own vent tubing, might fall into this category.

Actually, in the original post it said that he was having an argument with the mom and wrapped the ventilator tubing around his neck, not the child's. That might be part of the confusion here. He has been lashing out at the nurse and complaining quite a bit too.

I agree that anger is unacceptable. At the same time, I think it is important to identify where the anger is coming from. I would imagine that he was no different before this incident character-wise than probably hundreds of others out there that consider themselves good upright American citizens. But then he got dealt a huge blow with this situation with zero equipping for such a thing. I can't imagine that the measly SS check each month compares to what he's feeling inside with this child. Last time I checked, folks that had to live on that money as their sole support received about $1500/month max. In today's world, $1500 doesn't go very far.

Parents who have neurologically impaired children go through the worst kind of grieving process because there is never a resolution or acceptance phase unless they can see this from an entirely different perspective, which would involve some spiritual invention. I have friends that have succeeded in embracing their situation and accepting it and actually turning around to be grateful for that child just the way they are. I know others that still are angry from time to time because it is so difficult. Then they return back to acceptance and gratefulness. Many of them worry about the future and who will take care of the child should they die.

The grieving process with death is final and the person eventually moves on for the most part. This is one of the few situations in life where time does not heal the wounds and each and every day, you are faced with that grief. In this particular situation, it is one of the most difficult because, as you recall, this was a normal healthy child that had a hypoxic episode that caused brain injury.

I believe this man is being misjudged. I personally believe that he is inappropriate, irrational, and angry and possibly self medicating because he's stuck in a grieving process that he needs to reconcile. He does need to change. No question and he can. I hope he gets some help.

Vera

[RNKel, ASN, RN]

Seems like someone who could threaten to strangle a disabled child--his child, for Pete's sake--with the kid's own vent tubing, might fall into this category.

Actually, in the original post it said that he was having an argument with the mom and wrapped the ventilator tubing around his neck, not the child's.

-------------

I must've totally misunderstood, then. I thought he wrapped it around the boy's neck as if to threaten the mother to shut up.

[diane227, LPN, RN]

If you feel that this child is being neglected, you have a professional duty to report the situation to children's protective services. I urge you to do this before he gets out of the hospital. You need to withdraw yourself from this case. If something goes wrong the parents may be setting you up.

[mscsrjhm]

I can't imagine that the measly SS check each month compares to what he's feeling inside with this child. Last time I checked, folks that had to live on that money as their sole support received about $1500/month max. In today's world, $1500 doesn't go very far.

...

I believe this man is being misjudged. I personally believe that he is inappropriate, irrational, and angry and possibly self medicating because he's stuck in a grieving process that he needs to reconcile. He does need to change. No question and he can. I hope he gets some help.

Vera

I believe that you are a very caring person, who is extremely naive and must never work with inmates. I have worked in homes that live almost completely off that "measly" check, and will lie, cheat, and manipulate to get more and avoid working.

That being said- if your nursing judgement is as big as your heart- you can take care of me or my family anytime.

[mscsrjhm]

I would imagine that he was no different before this incident character-wise than probably hundreds of others out there that consider themselves good upright American citizens. But then he got dealt a huge blow with this situation with zero equipping for such a thing. I can't imagine that the measly SS check each month compares to what he's feeling inside with this child. Last time I checked, folks that had to live on that money as their sole support received about $1500/month max. In today's world, $1500 doesn't go very far.

I have friends that have succeeded in embracing their situation and accepting it and actually turning around to be grateful for that child just the way they are.

I believe this man is being misjudged. I personally believe that he is inappropriate, irrational, and angry and possibly self medicating because he's stuck in a grieving process that he needs to reconcile. He does need to change. No question and he can. I hope he gets some help.

Vera

You imagine him have been a normal person prior to the child. You really are nice (good good thing.)

I imagined him to have been a sleazy, slimy, lazy, abusive, pre/post convicted, selfish substance abuser.

My impression comes from working the private duty/children sector, and dealing with all types of families.

Isn't it odd the way we all see things differently?

I also believe that your friends you speak of are a whole lot different from this man.

Obviously, you are a very caring person, (who must never work with inmates-).

I have worked in homes that lived completely off that "measly" check, and would lie, cheat, and manipulate to get more $ and avoid working.

That being said- if your nursing judgement is as good as your heart is big- you can take care of me or my family anytime.

And- I want you to move and become my neighbor. I like nice people.

[Luv2care0907]

You imagine him have been a normal person prior to the child. You really are nice (good good thing.)

I imagined him to have been a sleazy, slimy, lazy, abusive, pre/post convicted, selfish substance abuser.

My impression comes from working the private duty/children sector, and dealing with all types of families.

Isn't it odd the way we all see things differently?

I also believe that your friends you speak of are a whole lot different from this man.

Obviously, you are a very caring person, (who must never work with inmates-).

I have worked in homes that lived completely off that "measly" check, and would lie, cheat, and manipulate to get more $ and avoid working.

That being said- if your nursing judgement is as good as your heart is big- you can take care of me or my family anytime.

And- I want you to move and become my neighbor. I like nice people.

That is so nice. Actually, I am surrounded by people like this man. I live in South FL. :onbch: Helloooo. :) Most of the young people in our neighborhoods smoke pot and do cocaine. I know because my son got caught up in it. My husband and I were declared "dysfunctional" by the neighbors because we don't party and get involved and we have an intact marriage. This was because "normal" is where you are divorced and do lots of drugs. I am not making this up. I am telling you the honest truth. We tried ignoring the problems but then recognized that the problem was epidemic. It really is epidemic. This man is no different than thousands of others in our country except he got an added blessing - his son. Trust me, most of them are not in jail. They are living next door. Drugs are big business, which is one of the reasons the police do not take a more assertive role in getting rid of them. I know about that as well. One of the officers told me so. Something like 50% of all Americans do recreational drugs according to this one officer.

BTW, check out youtube on Fantasy Fest. I think you will get a more accurate picture of what goes on if you can stomach it. Like I said, I can't put up these movies because they are just going to pull them down. In one scene, there are two women and one man wearing trench coats. Under the trench coats they are wearing naked body suits complete with appendages and all the trimmings. The man's is oversized. In front of a 9 yo boy? and his younger brother maybe 6 yo? , they open the trench coats. These kids are staring at this grotesque display while their dad does nothing. There is a police officer not too far from this. Next to him is a woman who is topless just a few yards from this family. The officer refuses to do anything. There are several other scenes in this 30 min. clip. CPS said there was nothing they could do. Amazing.

Vera

[psalm, RN]

Vera, as far as grieving the normal perfect child one doesn't get...I had two mentally retarded older brothers...one just died this past fall. My dad may not have been a druggy or an alcoholic but having a nonperfect child is no excuse for being abusive to my mom, my retarded brothers, and the normal kids. The hitting wasn't as bad as the verbal abuse for me...and as the only girl I suffered tremendously. We are in our 50's now and "dad" is still cruel and abusive to us. Which is why I live 4 states away and rarely go "home".

Just down one block from us growing up and in our church there was a family with a retarded son. He was loved by both mom & pop and thrived in his family of 7 kids. Our parents went to the ARC meetings together and I knew their daughter and played with her and saw what a family COULD be. So it can be done.

There's a time for understanding and counseling, there's a place for it. But abnormal children are no excuse to be cruel, abusive, threatening or being a druggie.

When my brother died last fall, my dad didn't even have a funeral or memorial service for him. We had to coax him to have an obit in the paper. We had 2 chaplains in ICU my dad was so difficult to deal with. I know from the inside and I can feel for all of the pain that is felt...but there were joys also. My dad, and apparently the OP's "dad of the story" just dwelled on the negatives.

No excuses to be abusive!!