hello! I am a new nurse who just graduated December 2015. I started in an ICU in February and have been on my own for about over a month, in total have been working as a paid nurse for 4 months.
I really dislike my job. It is not what I expected it to be. Im not sure if it's because im "a new nurse" or its because I truly dislike it. I guess this job is just not what I signed up for.
I thought ICU would be an exciting place to work but instead i find it so stressful. I hate working with the patients. Maybe bedside is not for me. I get cursed out almost daily and demeaned by patients. I got punched 3 weeks ago by a 6 foot 5 thick man and im a short 5 foot girl. I got almost kicked in the head the other day. I get flipped off, spit at, etc. I know people say its part of the job and patients are sick and this and that but I feel like I dont deserve this. I didnt work so hard to get an education to go through this. I dont want to come off as a princess, I truly work very hard to be the best nurse I can be and an advocate, more than nurses I work with. I know people will say not to let it get to me, etc. but I cannot. I have been working in acute care as a CNA for 2 years before being a nurse so i know how to have thick skin. but when you work your butt off in a way we nurses do and still get cussed out and even hit by patients thats when I cannot just "let it go".
The acuity at my ICU is incredibly high. I don't like the things I see. I dont like taking care of patients that are always dying. I dont have the patience to deal with patients sometimes. please dont see me as a horrible nurse. I am actually a good nurse. I always act as an advocate, to my best abiltiy i try to not be neglectful, and am always respectful to my patients.
I know every job is stressful. I do not complain of the long hours or weekends or holidays. I am okay with working all day on my feet. I am naturally a very driven person so this will never be a problem for me, i just think maybe ICU is not for me.
What is wrong with me? I want to leave ICU but idk if I should hang in instead. I feel like a failure to want to give up. Am i always going to fee like this?
Maybe people will say its because im a new nurse but idk. I think im actually doing a really good job. Im good at time management and being on top of meds and charting. I hardly ever leave work late unless of course something emergent or unexpected happens.
I just dont know. I feel sick to my stomach all the time. I feel depressed and like my life has been taken away. Am I supposed to feel this way? Please help.
Specializes in Flight Nursing, Emergency, Forensics, SANE, Trauma.
Thank you so much. You described exactly how I felt in every sense. and you brought up a point I didn't see before. I think my lack of interest and dislike of working here really shows in my patient care. I'm just not enthusiastic about it and it reflects in how I treat my patients. Yes I am nice and kind to them hit I have no desire to interact with them or their families. I have to push myself so hard to put one foot in front of the other. I knew I could do so much more better on the way I take care of my patients if I had a passion for this but I don't. And that scares me. I don't want to put someone's life at risk. And I want them to have the best nurse they can have and recieve the best care possible, but that is just not going to be me. The way I feel about work is starting to affect my personal life: I feel very depressed and unhappy all the time. I get in such a bad mood when I know I have to go to work again. I used to always be a happy person and now I'm not. I feel like I can't enjoy my life. Is that a sign I should leave then and not stick it out? I tell myself maybe I can stick it out for a year but then it's going to affect my social and emotional life instead.
and how do I even figure out where I should go if I choose to leave? You are lucky you found ER was good for you once you repositioned units. Thank you
No matter where you work-- you're going to have bad days, bad patients, and bad situations. No where is perfect 100% of the time.
A good place to start is to think- how long do I want to interact with the same patients. If you don't mind your patients, consider inpatient. If you want to interact but maybe not so long, go out patient. What kind of skills do you want to do?
If work is leaking into your personal life-- cut the ties immediately. It's one thing to be miserable during the day but if you're carrying it home, just get out. I usually recommend staying a year but you sound legitimately miserable.
Have you considered peri-operative or PACU nursing? Maybe work with little people as opposed to adults? Some people find they just aren't all about adults.
Maybe ask to shadow nurses on other units and see how you feel
Very sorry to hear your frustration. Could it be the area/city you are in? You may want to move out of the area and go to a smaller hospital's ICU. I have found that when I worked in Troy, I worked with a very uneducated and harsher patient population, verses when I worked in a smaller, less populated area. Also look at a different setting as others have stated if you are truly unable to make to to a year.
Hi, NurseMariaJimena. I'm not sure if this thread is still active. I'm kind of in the same situation as you being in the ICU. I did have a few years of Med-Surg experience before ICU. I'm still in the training for ICU. I was wondering if you decided to stayed in ICU or have you moved on? It's a hard decision to quit since all I thought before was wanting to be an ICU nurse. Any thoughts from your experience? Thank you!
Scrubs_n_sirens, MSN, RN
136 Posts
No matter where you work-- you're going to have bad days, bad patients, and bad situations. No where is perfect 100% of the time.
A good place to start is to think- how long do I want to interact with the same patients. If you don't mind your patients, consider inpatient. If you want to interact but maybe not so long, go out patient. What kind of skills do you want to do?
If work is leaking into your personal life-- cut the ties immediately. It's one thing to be miserable during the day but if you're carrying it home, just get out. I usually recommend staying a year but you sound legitimately miserable.
Have you considered peri-operative or PACU nursing? Maybe work with little people as opposed to adults? Some people find they just aren't all about adults.
Maybe ask to shadow nurses on other units and see how you feel