ICU nurse not liking my job

[NURSEJSS]

hello! I am a new nurse who just graduated December 2015. I started in an ICU in February and have been on my own for about over a month, in total have been working as a paid nurse for 4 months.

I really dislike my job. It is not what I expected it to be. Im not sure if it's because im "a new nurse" or its because I truly dislike it. I guess this job is just not what I signed up for.

I thought ICU would be an exciting place to work but instead i find it so stressful. I hate working with the patients. Maybe bedside is not for me. I get cursed out almost daily and demeaned by patients. I got punched 3 weeks ago by a 6 foot 5 thick man and im a short 5 foot girl. I got almost kicked in the head the other day. I get flipped off, spit at, etc. I know people say its part of the job and patients are sick and this and that but I feel like I dont deserve this. I didnt work so hard to get an education to go through this. I dont want to come off as a princess, I truly work very hard to be the best nurse I can be and an advocate, more than nurses I work with. I know people will say not to let it get to me, etc. but I cannot. I have been working in acute care as a CNA for 2 years before being a nurse so i know how to have thick skin. but when you work your butt off in a way we nurses do and still get cussed out and even hit by patients thats when I cannot just "let it go".

The acuity at my ICU is incredibly high. I don't like the things I see. I dont like taking care of patients that are always dying. I dont have the patience to deal with patients sometimes. please dont see me as a horrible nurse. I am actually a good nurse. I always act as an advocate, to my best abiltiy i try to not be neglectful, and am always respectful to my patients.

I know every job is stressful. I do not complain of the long hours or weekends or holidays. I am okay with working all day on my feet. I am naturally a very driven person so this will never be a problem for me, i just think maybe ICU is not for me.

What is wrong with me? I want to leave ICU but idk if I should hang in instead. I feel like a failure to want to give up. Am i always going to fee like this?

Maybe people will say its because im a new nurse but idk. I think im actually doing a really good job. Im good at time management and being on top of meds and charting. I hardly ever leave work late unless of course something emergent or unexpected happens.

I just dont know. I feel sick to my stomach all the time. I feel depressed and like my life has been taken away. Am I supposed to feel this way? Please help.

[RegularNurse]

I think you have options:

Don't Forget! You can't control the system, just your position in it.

1. You stick it out for a year so you can put a full year of ICU experience on your resume and move on. Many desirable staff nursing jobs like cath lab or PACU etc. require a year of ICU.

2. Accept the reality that staff nursing, in any capacity, is viewed as a service industry employee by the majority of patients and as disposable labor by hospital administration and treated as such. This will never change. Some hospitals have nursing with organized labor but it is never an amazing job.

3. You quit and move onto something else like a doctors office and take the income hit.

4. Go to graduate school like many people do and pursue higher level jobs with different stresses.

Based on your post, you obviously don't want to do this job. You must make a change or be miserable, which is no way to live your life.

Best of Luck Going Forward!

[kp038]

I think you have options:

Don't Forget! You can't control the system, just your position in it.

1. You stick it out for a year so you can put a full year of ICU experience on your resume and move on. Many desirable staff nursing jobs like cath lab or PACU etc. require a year of ICU.

2. Accept the reality that staff nursing, in any capacity, is viewed as a service industry employee by the majority of patients and as disposable labor by hospital administration and treated as such. This will never change. Some hospitals have nursing with organized labor but it is never an amazing job.

3. You quit and move onto something else like a doctors office and take the income hit.

4. Go to graduate school like many people do and pursue higher level jobs with different stresses.

Based on your post, you obviously don't want to do this job. You must make a change or be miserable, which is no way to live your life.

Best of Luck Going Forward!

Fabulous post in it's entirety. Sometimes you just KNOW you're in the wrong spot. OP - I am a newer nurse who started on an ICU stepdown/post-op/trauma/everything floor and managed to stick it out 7 months before I decided I'd been miserable long enough. Sometimes I really wonder why some units (like mine, and like any ICU) hire brand new nurses... in the case of my floor at least, I think it's because they're always short-staffed due to very high turnover and new grads are the only ones desperate to take the spot. But that's neither here nor there.

You have options. That's one of the positive things about the degree we both just earned. Listen to RegularNurse.

[Emergent, RN]

My advise, short and sweet: Stick it out for a year and then move one.

BTW, are you working in a particularly high crime area or something? I've worked 5 years in an ER in a hospital with lots of meth users, gangsters, homeless drunks, and other helpless, hopeless dysfunctionals. I have only had rare instances of trouble, I usually get along with everyone. You might look into some continuing Ed on deescalating and pacification techniques.

[Nrs_333]

Hi

I am new RN. But I worked as LVN for more than 3 years at outpatient Neurology Clinic. May be you should apply for outpatient/ Ambulatory position - it is different than inpatient. Patients come and go. You have your own office desk (cubicle), you are there for 8-5 with all the Doctors and other nurse, MA, staff. It is always teamwork and pretty cool. I had really good time working in clinic.

Stay Strong !!! Good Luck !

[OHNBJL]

By reading your post, I truly get the felling that this position is not for you. So move on. Look at the other job posting on your facility and see what would be a netyer fit. In the meantime remember to document everything. If you get injured or a patient files a complaint. It is your best defense. Feeling sick to your stomach prior to going into work, your in the wrong place.

[Haddoa]

Oh man I have soooo been there! I also left ICU recently. I made it two years but was making myself sick. I dreaded work every single day. I left every night so afraid I had missed something so little that I would come back to a dead pt. I had to go on medication. I was not a new nurse going into icu either. Having to vented pts with family in total crisis was more than I could handle.

When i knew it was time I left the hospital all together and went to home health. I looooooove it! You get to be a nurse. Like sit with someone one on one and educate or do wound care and watch a wound heal. And I make way more money, make my own schedule, don't miss kid stuff. Very limited weekends. Something to maybe look at.

good luck to you! Know you aren't alone, I saw so much turn over in the time I was there. Average shelf like of an icu nurse is 2 years. I feel like I left with boarder line ptsd and I haven't missed it for even one minute!

[OHNBJL]

My current VNA nurse was an ICU nurse. She said she left because of the stress from understaffing and 12 hr shifts. She has 2 children and was constantly missing their events, etc. She is much happier in her current position.

[NURSEJSS]

I am working in a high crime area. I work at a county hospital which is also the trauma center for the area. I get a whole of patients who are inmates frok

prisons, homeless, drug addicts, etc. we get the worst patients in our population. Idk if that makes a difference in how I perceive everything

[NURSEJSS]

Thank you to everyone for replying. I will stick it out a little longer and see maybe if with more time of

working here and getting better at my job MAYBE I'll grow to

like it. I was thinking maybe just staying for the experience and going to OR nursing. I have thought of going to a clinic outpatient area but being that I'm a new grad I don't want to give up on acute care so soon. I feel like it would make me feel like a failure for not sticking it out longer and getting my acute care experience. Plus I want to stay in acute care a little longer and see where I feel I can find a niche or a place I want to go. I had my eyes set on becoming an ICU nurse and going on to CRNA or NP school but not I feel like my world was turned around and I don't want to do that anymore. I feel like I have to start from scratch again and find a new goal. Thanks!

[Scrubs_n_sirens, MSN, RN]

I started in ICU and Step Down. I hated that I felt like I was trying to save the unsaveable and torturing people because family members are more scared of how they'll feel emotionally following a death than they are of the physical suffering their loved ones go through. I hated that no matter how well I did, the older day shift nurses tore me apart. I hated that I got sent to the medical or surgical floor to be an aide all the time because I was the newest nurse. I hated everything about floor nursing. I hated that I was expected to be the telemetry assistant or unit clerk when there was none (and I wasn't trained in those positions). I hated that I was hired for an ICU position but I maybe only ever saw ICU one in every ten shifts.

I stuck it out for a year. I started my job in the emergency department and I have never been happier. I feel complete now.

Moral of my story is this: we don't always get it right right out of the gate. If you can bare it, stick it out until you hit you're one year mark-- your resume will be better for it and you'll learn some more. If you truly are miserable and there is a chance it will reflect on your patient care abilities, just cut the cord and move on. There isn't shame in doing either way so long as you and your patients don't suffer as a result of whatever choice you make.

You're in a career where you have numerous options. So try something new or wait a little longer. There is an actual statistic of new nurse satisfaction and confidence growth in the first year. You may find in a few weeks or months you're in a different place emotionally and intellectually.

Follow your heart. And maybe research crisis intervention techniques and patient defusion techniques. Good luck!

[NURSEJSS]

Thank you so much. You described exactly how I felt in every sense. and you brought up a point I didn't see before. I think my lack of interest and dislike of working here really shows in my patient care. I'm just not enthusiastic about it and it reflects in how I treat my patients. Yes I am nice and kind to them hit I have no desire to interact with them or their families. I have to push myself so hard to put one foot in front of the other. I knew I could do so much more better on the way I take care of my patients if I had a passion for this but I don't. And that scares me. I don't want to put someone's life at risk. And I want them to have the best nurse they can have and recieve the best care possible, but that is just not going to be me. The way I feel about work is starting to affect my personal life: I feel very depressed and unhappy all the time. I get in such a bad mood when I know I have to go to work again. I used to always be a happy person and now I'm not. I feel like I can't enjoy my life. Is that a sign I should leave then and not stick it out? I tell myself maybe I can stick it out for a year but then it's going to affect my social and emotional life instead.

and how do I even figure out where I should go if I choose to leave? You are lucky you found ER was good for you once you repositioned units. Thank you