I Thought I Had My Dream Job, but My Past Took It Away...

[OrganizedChaos]

So a really stupid mistake I made 6 years ago came to bite me in the rear yesterday. I was working as an agency nurse staffing in correctional facilities when my NM told me I had to clock out & go home due to the fact my security clearance was revoked. My jaw hit the floor & I was stunned. I didn't completely understand why but on the inside I kinda knew why.

I hadn't told anyone I had worked for this company 6 years previous for about a month or two. Or what had happened when I did work for the company. Obviously I am not about to put my business out here on the interwebs, but if you PM I will tell you.

My NM didn't know why my security clearance was revoked but after I clocked out & got to my car I called my agency & they told me that I was unable to work for this company in *any* capacity. So, blacklisted. I figured if I was blacklisted my application wouldn't go through, I don't understand why it would let my application go through but then reject my security clearance.

When I get home I try to make phone calls to an HR but at 1500 on a Friday it's hard to get ahold of anyone. I finally do & she tells me she will get me an answer next week. I figure it's gonna be that I'm blacklisted & there's nothing I can do about it.

My heart is broken & shattered into a million pieces. I love working as a nurse in corrections, it's where my heart lies. Now that, that has been pretty much ended for me I don't know what else to do. I live in a small town so job opportunities are far & few between. The hospital in my town does hire LVNs occasionally, but I never get interviews. I honestly just can't handle LTC or PDN. The school district doesn't pay enough. Then that's it.

My mother keeps telling me to go back to become an RN but I don't even know if I want to any more. When I was working at the prison, I was so happy just working & being an LVN, I didn't even think about going back to school. I'm so lost right now.

I'm so stressed too because I was making so much money, I knew I could keep us out of the hole we were in, financially. We wouldn't have to live paycheck to paycheck any more. There's no way a family of 4 can live on my husband's small paycheck, we're always broke by the second or third week of the month. But it looks like we are gonna go back to that, especially after October when I lose Medicaid.

I don't know if I just needed to vent or need suggestions. I'm also really devastated right now. I get this awesome job, doing what I love to do, getting paid amazingly & then it gets ripped away. Of course we needed it desperately. I just don't know how we're gonna make ends meet after October.

I've already started looking for a new job because I know I'm not gonna get good news next week. But unfortunately, there's not many jobs available out there.

[pixierose, BSN, RN]

I so desperately want to provide for my family, it's just I know what my limits are. I'm bipolar & I can't handle working LTC.

Even bigger (((hugs))).

You're strong, OC. You know your limits, and you know what you want. You're smart. You got this. It might not be now, but it will be someday. I can promise you this, because you've gone through hell and back and come out the other side relatively unscathed. You get knocked down, you get up stronger (even if it doesn't feel that way at first).

Eventually, perhaps you'll go back to school. Your little one won't get sick as often.

This will all be a bad memory some day.

[HermioneG, BSN, RN]

I'm so sorry to hear this, OC *hugs*

Try and do as much self care as you can, and if you ever want to PM me and vent please feel free. I've always seen your posts and you seem like such a kind and good hearted person. I'm sorry you're under so much stress right now

You'll be in my thoughts

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

I'm so sorry. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Thank you & congrats on school!

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

Ah. I did not realize that. I apologize

It's ok, I don't advertise it.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

You sound a lot like me. I too was an LVN working in corrections and I made a stupid mistake that cost me my clearance. I loved the jail, but I messed up and I'm still kicking myself for it. All I can tell you is to take it one day at a time. You are probably eligible for unemployment, since it was a mistake you made in the past and not something you did on the job, so get that. I started working in home care, which was OK. Now I work in a methadone clinic which I really enjoy. Things will get better. I try to think of the experience as the worst mistake I ever made, meaning I won't ever make another one as bad. We all mess up, some of us more than others. Now days, I take life more seriously and my work especially seriously. The important thing is your family. Love them, take care of them as best you can, and try to forgive yourself and find joy in life again.

Yeah, it kills when you lose a job you love. No, I can't get unemployment because I was working for an agency.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

I am so sorry. Sadly I think you are probably correct in guessing unemployment won't be an option since you work for an agency. Your state's unemployment agency will just argue that you have the option of simply accepting a different assignment through your current employer. I understand LTC is not for you, and that's OK. I'm sure you have probably looked at other opportunities but in case not, have you considered Assisted Living or group homes? Maybe you would be able to thrive in a smaller, less hectic setting than LTC. Another advantage is those settings typically staff with LPN's rather than RN's so finding a job might be easier there.

I'm am trying to see what is available in my area without having to drive too far.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

Even bigger (((hugs))).

You're strong, OC. You know your limits, and you know what you want. You're smart. You got this. It might not be now, but it will be someday. I can promise you this, because you've gone through hell and back and come out the other side relatively unscathed. You get knocked down, you get up stronger (even if it doesn't feel that way at first).

Eventually, perhaps you'll go back to school. Your little one won't get sick as often.

This will all be a bad memory some day.

I can't wait to go back to school. I thought this was a bad memory, but the wound was just ripped back open with dirt & lemon juice poured in it. Ugh.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

I'm trying to because I don't want to swing into a depressive state. Thank you so much! :)

[Sour Lemon]

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles ...hope you find manageable work soon and love it as much as your last job.

[caliotter3]

Apply for unemployment anyway. I have almost always had a positive reaction from them. Argue that you were not aware that your clearance had been revoked and that it would impact your present job. Tell the interviewer that security clearances are not a standard requirement for practicing nursing, this requirement is employer/employment setting related and no one informed you during the hiring process, etc., etc. Since you went so long being gainfully employed at this assignment, I think the employer would have a hard time selling to the unemployment people that you should have been eliminated. The employer did not do their due diligence in vetting you upon hire, so why do you have to pay the price for their negligence? Lay it on thick. Play it out to the end. You might be surprised.

[silverbat]

Have you looked into working for companies like united health care or blue cross blue shield ? They even have work from home positions.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles ...hope you find manageable work soon and love it as much as your last job.

Thank you. I have applied to 3 jobs so far, I hoe something pans out.