I think I inadvertantly did something rather stupid.
Later this week there is a thing for all employees who have been at the hospital for certain numbers of years, it's a large event apparently with many employees invited.
So I was invited but did not plan to attend. Then a few weeks ago got an email from the NM that she had taken me off work so I could attend; but immediately after the email was sent, a retraction of the email was sent, so I figured she had changed her mind.
Then the "official" schedule for the week came out just a few days ago and I had been taken off (without a make-up shift later in the week so losing a shift for the week). The NM was out of town until just before the event (i.e. too late to change the schedule), so instead I emailed the assistant NM asking to be put back on, thinking there had been some kind of mix-up or something. She did so. Then when the NM got back in town I received an email from her sounding rather disappointed that I wasn't going.
I do not know why- there are a lot of people who go and a lot of people who don't every year. And I don't really want to tell her that part of the reason I don't want to go is that I don't have anyone to take with me- no family in town and, not really seeing anyone right now either. I am a very shy socially awkward person, and going alone to a banquet-type evening with a bunch of people I don't know very well is, well I wouldn't say torture as that's a misuse of the word, but it's one of my least favorite types of situations ever.
But I didn't realize that the NM really wanted me to go, and I'm afraid she thinks I went behind her back to get out of going when that's not what my intentions were at all. I thought she had retracted the email about cancelling me for the day. When I realized she hadn't, I went to the assistant NM who does scheduling, who put me back on without asking anything like why aren't you going, etc. And the NM was out of town at that point anyway. If I had realized how important it was to the NM, I would probably have tried harder to find someone to go with. But it's too late now.
I guess my questions are, how should I handle this? and, if you were my NM, would you treat me differently from now on like I disappointed you when you were trying to do something nice for me?
I feel like a heel. And I don't know what to do.
(I have tried to post this thread 4-5 times now but my internet connection was being stupid... maybe it was trying to save me from posting this at all, but I really need advice. If you think I've shared too much info on here though, let me know. Thanks.)
Don't apologize for not wanting to attend social events. Some of us just don't like organized 'fun'. I don't have 'social anxiety' or whatever the latest buzzword is - it is not an illness, just a preference. I am not, nor have I ever been a party person. If the subject comes up, I make sure that people understand that it is my personal preference and is not meant to be a negative reflection on the event organizer.
I also prefer not to be subjected to public 'atta girls' of any sort. I do not attend awards functions unless I (as a manager) need to present something to one of my staff. I have not attended any of my own graduation ceremonies. They can mail me the plaque or diploma.
Could it be that your NM is reaching out at an attempt to make you more of "the team"? Whatever the case may be I would just tell her how you really feel about these situations.
If you don't see her couldn't you email her with a request for a quick chat instead of guessing when she may be in? Just a suggestion, the sooner you clear up this matter, the better and more self-confident you will feel.
I think you should just tell the NM, make an appointment. Eveyone has certain things they don't like doing. I totally understand what you mean and I would never catch myself at an event like that unless I had a buddy. Goodluck :)
Complete honesty is the way to go! If your NM was genuinely hurt you weren't going, then chances are she's a caring person who will completely understand if you explained why you didn't want to go.
Send an email saying you would like to discuss this with her, then discuss it with her in person. This way you are talking to her about it both now and later. It's courteous and professional, and you won't have to think about it ever again. :)
HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD
9,051 Posts
Don't apologize for not wanting to attend social events. Some of us just don't like organized 'fun'. I don't have 'social anxiety' or whatever the latest buzzword is - it is not an illness, just a preference. I am not, nor have I ever been a party person. If the subject comes up, I make sure that people understand that it is my personal preference and is not meant to be a negative reflection on the event organizer.
I also prefer not to be subjected to public 'atta girls' of any sort. I do not attend awards functions unless I (as a manager) need to present something to one of my staff. I have not attended any of my own graduation ceremonies. They can mail me the plaque or diploma.
Live and let live. Kumbayah is not for me.