I have a drinking problem. I've had one for a long time...but it is just getting worse and worse. I don't think I'm an alcoholic, but I think I could become one.
I use to drink for "fun"...It made me less inhibited and it took away my anxiety. I felt "liked" by everyone when I was drunk...because I was "fun to be around"
The truth is...I don't have many friends anymore, and I'm not drinking for fun anymore. I drink alone in my room. I buy a bottle of wine and lock the door. I hide the bottle in my draw.
I drink because it makes me forget, it makes me not care. It takes away my anxiety. The times I do go out to drink with others, I ALWAYS drink in excess...to the point of not being able to walk on my own and I end up saying and doing things that I later feel terribly embarassed about.
The part that is upsetting to me is the fact that I frequently do NOT intend on drinking so excessively, but I have one and lose control...I can't stop once I start....I often do not stop until I am beyond drunk. I honestly feel powerless over alcohol. I know that if I have one, I will not stop, until I physically can't drink anymore.
The thing is, I don't do this all the time. I always pictured alcoholism as drinking everyday, or in the morning. I don't do that. But the other behaviors I have have alarming to me.
Specializes in Impaired Nurse Advocate, CRNA, ER,.
...I was not as smart as you...
As a wise counselor told me over 20 years ago, "Jack, you can't be to dumb to get recovery, but you CAN be too smart!"
Good golly was he right! It's interesting that the more "intelligent" a person is, the harder it seems to be for them to understand this disease and to find recovery. Why? because these folks are able to "rationalize" their continued use. When you read the research literature regarding this disease, you discover that several key areas of the brain are involved. Yes, the "pleasure centers" are definitely involved, but there are other areas as well, including memory, motivation and survival.
As the human brain has evolved, it has developed ways for assuring that those things associated with survival of the individual organism as well as the species are going to be repeated. Some examples include:
"Fight or flight" (reflexive reactions for survival)
Sex (reproduction is necessary for species survival as well as being just plain fun)
"Hunting", farming, gathering, (i.e., going to work) etc. (to keep the individual organism and the species alive).
Eating
Breathing
The brain rewards itself with a jolt of dopamine when it perceives that an action or consuming something is good for survival (called "salience"). Research is beginning to determine the genes that affect the way a person's brain responds to these periods of reward. In the person with a genetic predisposition to addiction, the brain "over responds" to the cues associated with survival. For some, that might be sex, food, work, or mood altering chemicals. It's been discovered that those with genetic vulnerability to addiction produce significantly more dopamine in response to medications with addictive properties. Since the amount of dopamine released is way out of proportion to that released in those who do not have the genetic predisposition, the potential addicts brain places more importance on that drug (or activity) than those without a genetic vulnerability. In other words, the potential addict's brain receives a huge "reward" when the substance or activity is engaged in, and therefore equates survival with those chemicals or activities. This explains why those in active addiction will continue to engage in the use of drugs or activities (like sex or overeating) despite increasingly serious negative consequences. Their brain equates survival with continued use.
In a person who is using a drug for recreation, but doesn't have the genetic vulnerability, negative consequences cause them to re-evaluate their use of the drug and might lead to decreased use or stopping use altogether. In contrast, as the addicts brain changes more and more with continued drug use, their brain equates drug use with survival. This means as more negative consequences occur from use, their use will INCREASE since the brain sees the drug as necessary for survival and the only method of effectively dealing with the negative consequences.
This disease is NOT about intelligence, it's about genetic vulnerability in combination with significant environmental stressors, and exposure to the right substance in the right amount for the right amount of time.
The significant changes that occur in the brain when addiction is triggered is amazing. A really wonderful outcome from addiction research has been the things we've learned about memory, learning, and survival "instincts".
If we don't understand the pathophysiology of a disease, we are stuck making decisions based on Myth, Misbelief, and Misunderstanding. Pretty much what most people do when it comes to this lousy disease. The health care professionals who don't understand addiction cause even more suffering for the addict and their loved ones because they continue to perpetuate the stigma associated with addiction. Stigma is one of the major reasons people don;t seek help (ESPECIALLY health care professionals!).
The addict is OT a bad person trying to become good. They have a chronic, prgressive, potentially fatal disease affecting the brain...and are trying to become well.
If you are not willing today to go to a meeting please at least get a Big Book and start reading the first few chapters. I too encourage you to go to a meeting. I am so thankful I found AA before I became a "falling down drunk". Here is a link to a site where you can read the Big Book online.
jackstem
670 Posts
As a wise counselor told me over 20 years ago, "Jack, you can't be to dumb to get recovery, but you CAN be too smart!"
Good golly was he right! It's interesting that the more "intelligent" a person is, the harder it seems to be for them to understand this disease and to find recovery. Why? because these folks are able to "rationalize" their continued use. When you read the research literature regarding this disease, you discover that several key areas of the brain are involved. Yes, the "pleasure centers" are definitely involved, but there are other areas as well, including memory, motivation and survival.
As the human brain has evolved, it has developed ways for assuring that those things associated with survival of the individual organism as well as the species are going to be repeated. Some examples include:
The brain rewards itself with a jolt of dopamine when it perceives that an action or consuming something is good for survival (called "salience"). Research is beginning to determine the genes that affect the way a person's brain responds to these periods of reward. In the person with a genetic predisposition to addiction, the brain "over responds" to the cues associated with survival. For some, that might be sex, food, work, or mood altering chemicals. It's been discovered that those with genetic vulnerability to addiction produce significantly more dopamine in response to medications with addictive properties. Since the amount of dopamine released is way out of proportion to that released in those who do not have the genetic predisposition, the potential addicts brain places more importance on that drug (or activity) than those without a genetic vulnerability. In other words, the potential addict's brain receives a huge "reward" when the substance or activity is engaged in, and therefore equates survival with those chemicals or activities. This explains why those in active addiction will continue to engage in the use of drugs or activities (like sex or overeating) despite increasingly serious negative consequences. Their brain equates survival with continued use.
In a person who is using a drug for recreation, but doesn't have the genetic vulnerability, negative consequences cause them to re-evaluate their use of the drug and might lead to decreased use or stopping use altogether. In contrast, as the addicts brain changes more and more with continued drug use, their brain equates drug use with survival. This means as more negative consequences occur from use, their use will INCREASE since the brain sees the drug as necessary for survival and the only method of effectively dealing with the negative consequences.
This disease is NOT about intelligence, it's about genetic vulnerability in combination with significant environmental stressors, and exposure to the right substance in the right amount for the right amount of time.
The significant changes that occur in the brain when addiction is triggered is amazing. A really wonderful outcome from addiction research has been the things we've learned about memory, learning, and survival "instincts".
If we don't understand the pathophysiology of a disease, we are stuck making decisions based on Myth, Misbelief, and Misunderstanding. Pretty much what most people do when it comes to this lousy disease. The health care professionals who don't understand addiction cause even more suffering for the addict and their loved ones because they continue to perpetuate the stigma associated with addiction. Stigma is one of the major reasons people don;t seek help (ESPECIALLY health care professionals!).
The addict is OT a bad person trying to become good. They have a chronic, prgressive, potentially fatal disease affecting the brain...and are trying to become well.
Jack