I am starting to get depressed

Don't let it get you down. You're in "learning" mode, and you will be for a while yet. I know it's basically impossible, but you shouldn't be comparing yourself to your very experienced colleagues.... you should be benchmarking with other newbies. If you are able to do so, you'd probably discover that you are actually doing very well.

As for the verbal order nonsense??? That's ridiculous. Physicians need to take accountability for ensuring that any verbal transmissions are received appropriately. This means validating that the recipient actually realizes that it is an "order". In my organization, we don't do 'verbal' any longer - physicians or their scribes are expected to enter their own orders into the EHR. This is actually a criteria that is being measured as part of the HIT Legislation in the USA(meaningful use) initiative. Organizations that don't meet the requirements will be hit with significant financial penalties.

Yeah, I guess everything would run much smoother if all nurses could read minds, but that wasn't part of the curriculum & it certainly is not included on our Nurse Practice Acts. But maybe the crystal balls are going to show up & inservices will be mandated any day now as part of the latest "quality improvement" push.

I think you should seek professional help before things get worse. I wish I had. I made it through my first stressful years but did have some physical and emotional setbacks. This profession will eventually make you a very strong person but you have to develop an emotional reservoir before you start all the giving this job requires. It is essential you take care of yourself first or you will be sucked dry and have nothing left to give. God's grace be with you and a prayer was sent up today on your behalf, please be good to yourself!

Oh my I know how you are feeling. I too, am a new grad. I have been with my job for 4 months. Probably about 8 weeks on my own now. Things were feeling ok while I was still on orientation, I felt somewhat comforted by the fact I still had the safety net of my preceptor. And then I was let loose on my own and I was terrified. Lots of anxiety and tears both at work and at home. I am not sure if it was the job or a multitude of other personal stressors I have experienced over the past year or a culmination of it all , but I finally talked to my dr and started a low dose ssri. Things are improving. I am getting into the groove of my own nursing style and time management. Each shift things still come up that I don't know how to deal with, but I suck it up and ask for help when it is needed. I try to reflect on my way home from each shift about what went well and what I should do differently next time. I have been told that everyone goes through this and the only way to get through it is to go through it. It sucks, but I am starting to believe it. Things are getting a little better. Good luck to you.