I really need some advice. LONG

[beanpod]

I really need some advice. I am a LPN student at a small private college that has a newer Nursing Program that Is accredited. I have completed 70 out of the 96 credits needed so far. I am a mother of four children under the age of ten and have managed to stay on the Dean's list every quarter.

This is what happened: During a clinical experience at an acute care rehab facility another student and I was assigned to a rather impersonal nurse for the day, they were short staffed and the stress levels were high. I was assigned to do as much of the cares as possible (under supervision of course) for two patients. One was extremely angry that his meds were late etc..., okay so it took a while but I calmned him down and finally managed to get out of his room. I get back to the med cart and my nurse was very upset with me that it took me so long. She informed me I was LATE on getting my next patient's meds ready. (Um, every patient's meds were late that morning!) So I tried to remain calm, and carefully go through the meds, doing my 3 checks etc... to about 12 different medications. One was Marinol that I had never heard of and couldn't find. The nurse informed me "it's in the fridge", so I asked where the fridge was and she handed me the keys to the med closet. I asked her which key, as I examined the key ring with 20 keys on it, and she said "you'll have to figure it out, I did". Okay so I went in and found the fridge, realized I didn't know if I was looking for a vial, syringe etc... I found the Marinol, got out and continued getting the meds ready all while the nurse and co-student were hovering over my shoulders unconsciously rushing me. Okay, so it was insulin time. I went to draw up the insulin and I drew up the WRONG amount, handed it to the nurse for her to double check and she looked at me and said, "If your instructor were here right now, you would be dismissed!", my co-student nodded her head in agreeance and said, "Yeah, that's a failed competency." Wow! I couldn't believe I had just done that AND they had just said that to me. I took in a deep breath and re-drew the insulin, handed it over and of course it was correct. (*Please keep in mind I had drawn up insulin at least 25 times before this and always had it correct and ALWAYS had it double checked for safety.) This was just a bad morning and a rushed one at that. At this point I started to lose control. A tear started to stream down my cheek and I knew I wasn't going to be able to hold them back. I whispered to the nurse, "I need a few minutes, I need to walk away." She said, "Okay, walk away."

**My history: I have suffered from extreme anxiety and panic attacks since 2003. However, things are 90% better than they were when I was first diagnosed. Especially since I started school, I had less time to focus on me and my symptoms because I was forced to study and pay attention to what was going on around me. School was/is good for me.

I walked out to my van, sat down and literally lost it. I just started balling my eyes out; I stuck the keys in the ignition and drove away. I called my Dean of Nursing immediately as I was driving and told her what happened and that I was on my way to campus to talk to her. (What I did wrong: I did not stay on site, and find one of my instructors to talk to, I panicked and left.)

So I get to school, and sit down with my Dean (keep in mind again this is a small campus and everyone knows everyone.) we went over what happened play by play and how my stress just took over and I lost it and made a poor judgment call by leaving. She had said, "It would speak volumes if you went back there, however, I won't hold it against you if you don't." After I told her I didn't think it would be a good idea in the mindset I was in, she said, "Go home, get some rays and open your books, just try to relax." We went over what I did wrong, and what I could have done differently. I went home with instructions to call a specific instructor of mine who was on site and explain to her what happened.

I left and went home, called my Mom and husband and friend, balled my eyes out. Then I called my professor and explained what happened that morning, what I did wrong and what I know I should've done differently. This was SO hard.

The next morning I got a call from my Dean that I needed to come in for a meeting with her and another one of my instructors. I went in having no idea they were about to tell me they were failing me from clinical. Not the program, just the clinical. I asked why, you may be able to see why I was confused after everything seemed fine the day before. The answer I was given was because, "I did not follow through with what I was told to do." After getting that clarified, I was told to call my instructor later and tell her in detail what happened, which I did do....as I was told. I said, "No, I am not satisfied with this...there has got to be a better reason than that, I have taken full accountability for my actions, I am an exceptional student with a perfect history..... NO-they were failing me from clinical. End of story. My Dean even went was far as to say the facility we were doing clinicals at was considering not inviting our school back for future clinical due to this incident. I was shocked! There was no scene caused, everything was under control, no one was hurt or even in any remote danger of being hurt and I am a STUDENT. The conversation was elevated to the point of my Dean screaming at me. WOW, I seriously thought I was having a nightmare. I said I was willing to go to the facility and apologize for any inconvenience I caused, and she said that would be a good idea.

Okay so I sent an e-mail that weekend to my instructors, Dean and Director of Campus relations pleading my case. That Monday morning I called the clinical facility to speak with the nurse educator who handles all the clinical students and asked if there was a time I could meet with her that day and discuss what happened and how I was concerned that my school may not be invited back because of me. She asked me my name and said, "Funny, you're not even on my radar." WHAT!? So I went in and spoke with her professionally without getting into the drama and took accountability for my actions and what I should have done differently etc.... and I told her that the facility was a GREAT place for clinical and a wonderful learning experience for our students.

Still at this point I was unsure exactly why I was failed. I met with all the bigwigs that week and I was told they were failing me because of "patient abandonment". Seriously?! As a student working under another nurse and two Instructors....Patient abandonment? Okay, so I fought and fought and nothing. No second chance...sorry. Are they making an example out of me? Could this really be patient abandonment? What about my hx of anxiety/panic?

I have documented everything thoroughly. Now instead of graduating in December I will graduate in June 2010. Nursing II is not offered again until January and then one more quarter after that. 6 more months of school, 6 more months of not working as a nurse, with a nurses pay.

Can I file a grievance? If so what for? Tuition, seeing as I have to pay another 3,800.00 for this class even though in the classroom portion I had an A- at mid-terms... I really need help. I thought I could let this go, but I can't. Every time I let it get to me it's almost as if a part of me has died. I let down my family who helps support us and our four kids; I let down my husband, my kids. Is there anything I can do besides buck up and move on? ANY Positive or constructive help is greatly appreciated.

Lost in the politics of Nursing School,

A Great Future LPN

[mlclove]

Wow, I am really sorry for this whole situation that you're in. I can't give you any advice other than if there is nothing you can do to change this decision then try to get past it. It doesn't help to dwell. You know what you did wrong so learn and continue. I am very sorry for this, I wish I could really help you out. Good luck to you hun.

[Ginny Weasley]

Wow. Just wow. That nurse's behavior was totally uncalled for, and as for the other student is concerned, he or she sounds like the kind of person that would be nice to your face and talk B.S. behind your back (not to mention someone who kisses a**) First of all, your a student. You're still learning how to BE a nurse, and you're bound to make at least a couple of mistakes. At the very least, they should understand that. You should have not left the clinical site though. That probably made it worse. Having anxiety problems is not excuse (I suffer from them as well and have had similar problems like you) Secondly, where was your instructor during this time? Obviously they weren't around to assist you when you needed help, so it's more their fault then it is yours. It's not your fault that they didn't teach you properly. It's theirs. If you were failing clinical, why didn't your instructor or somebody at the school let you know? Why didn't they tell you the specific things that you needed to improve on? If you don't know what your doing wrong, how can you improve?

[KAYBDT6, BSN, RN]

I think they failed you due to patient abandonment. Pt abandonment means a lot for BON! In future do try to solve your problem than walking away from it. Best of luck!

[pagandeva2000, LPN]

I am so sorry this happened to you; you sound like an exceptional student. I also believe, however, that it was because you left the premises. I think you should have found your instructor first to explain the situation to her and gave them a chance to intervene in your behalf.

Nursing is very stressful and there will be MANY times that you will want to run and hide, but can't. I am not saying this to blame you...I have panic attacks occasionally, myself. But, I had to learn how to work through them in order to get the task done, then take a moment to go somewhere to deep breathe.

I think that the nurse that was precepting you was probably a witch, anyhow and made the situation sound worse than what it was. This is a clear example of how nurses eat their young, because you have to give time for the learning curve and no matter what, most times, the meds are given late, anyhow...this is why they give a window of time. She could have at least told you the right key on the ring rather than be snarky about it. And, the student that verified the near miss is just someone who will do this throughout her career...trying to make herself look good at someone else's expense.

During the time you are out, try and find ways to deal with your anxiety attacks in a constructive way, and hugs to you. My heart really bleeds for your situation.