I have tried so hard to be a good nurse. I went through the hell that is nursing school, sacrificed years and so much money for this garbage. I feel so miserable. I haven't been happy since I started working as a nurse. My whole soul is sucked dry...every day I give so much to my patients but somehow I never do enough. How is this possible?
It's really just the little things. For example, I was on the phone with an NP today talking about a patient's plan of care. All the sudden, I hear the unit clerk yell at me across the hallway. I turn around and she goes "oh, sorry." It wasn't until I got off the phone that I realized she was yelling at me because I was taking too long to answer the call bell...she probably realized since I was on the phone I didn't get the message. There were 2 other times that day I was slow in getting to a light (#1 I was in the middle of giving discharge instructions #2 I was in the middle of a dressing change)...I do what I think is right but there's always something else I should've done. I give up.
I love my patient population because I love children. But I really hate the hospital and I haven't been myself in a long time. I miss being happy. I am only 23 and I feel like my whole life is ruined because I'm a nurse. I'm at least trying to get my year in but I can't stop and think why I am so miserable all the time just to "get a year in"...I'm not kidding. I am beginning to feel no desire to live because all I do is go to work, sleep, and eat. All that happens at work is that I am worked like a mule.
Then to kick it all off, I saw two of my old coworkers (it's a long story but basically I switched units in the hospital because HR offered to have me pilot a new unit). When they saw me they paused talking. I noticed they were saying mouthing something to each other (which can never be good) and I just feel so *** about myself. These 2 people were senior nurses who had to help me a lot on my old unit. I was oriented there as a new grad so obviously I had a lot of questions...I think they think I'm stupid or something and I'm just so tired of everyone telling me I'm not doing enough.
I come home only having eaten one apple the whole day. My feet hurt so badly and all I did today was sit on my floor and sob.
I am seriously thinking about switching into the business field or something where I can work from home/sit in a cubicle. I feel like I give so much of my energy and time for nothing...for all the work I do just to be discredited. Am I just an incompetent nurse? I'm not understanding why I seem to be having so much trouble why everyone else just breezes by.
I really just want to be happy again ? I hate nursing. SO MUCH
I think its time for a new unit or job outside of acute care . and stop beating yourself up for god sakes nursings hard. tell an aide to get the call bell or another nurse after all its everyone's job . and you 100% should not have to justify what your doing because its your practice. sounds like you need some self love and possibly some counseling on how to self appreciate
Specializes in ICU/ER/Med-Surg/Case Management/Manageme.
First and foremost, as said, it would be advisable for you to check in with a mental health professional. The fact that we're living through tough times - that in and of itself is enough for most of us to think about having a session or two with a counselor. Beyond that if you are so unhappy with nursing do something else. It's okay. Nursing isn't for everyone. Engineering isn't for everyone. Social work isn't for everyone. Don't be sitting here 5 10 20 years from now and thinking you wish you had done something different. Start working towards doing something different now. You can take that nursing education that you spent time and money on and invest it in something else. For what it's worth a very good friend of mine and a wonderful nurse really did not like nursing. She spent the last three years working towards her counseling degree and is now an LPC I think it's called and earning almost twice as much as she was in nursing as she works in a field she dearly loves. I personally think her nursing background will help her tremendously in counseling. Finally... strive towards doing something that makes you happy. Best of luck!
cmurra6745, ADN
48 Posts
I think its time for a new unit or job outside of acute care . and stop beating yourself up for god sakes nursings hard. tell an aide to get the call bell or another nurse after all its everyone's job . and you 100% should not have to justify what your doing because its your practice. sounds like you need some self love and possibly some counseling on how to self appreciate