should I let my boyfriend support me financiallythrough nursing school

K_girl · Jun 29, 2011

How serious is your relationship? How long have you been together?

If you are only dating, I would probably say it's a nice gesture that he would offer to do that. However, if you do decide to take him up on his offer, you may want to get something in writing. This is just to CYA in case anything happens.

I've had a few of my girl friends go through the same situation just to have lawsuits slapped on them when the relationship went sour I am engaged and my fiance is footing the bill on my tuition and paying all our bills. It is definitely not something I like having him do.

pawprints · Jun 29, 2011

I would say it depends on how long you've been together and how able he is to afford everything. I would at least try to work a few hours a week to help out if I was in that situation. Another option would be to split bills. I've lived with my boyfriend a couple of years, and we split rent/utilities in half and each pay for our own food (we only get to have meals together on weekends due to our schedules). We each work fulltime; he's in paramedic school, and I'm finishing up prereqs for nursing. It works for us, but it's tough. I can't imagine being completely dependent on someone without the legal binding of marriage, however. If something goes wrong, would you be able to stay in school?

sohardtobeanurse · Jun 29, 2011

Have a back up plan..

bug2621, MSN, APRN, NP · Jun 30, 2011

The question is how serious are you? Is there the possiblity of you all having a long term future together? Because if you don't see a future with this person then don't take his money because its going to just going to complicate your life in the future.

CnmAshley · Jul 1, 2011

My boyfriend, now husband, supported me thru school, but we were living together and planning to get married sooner or later. We're not married with 5 kids.

ChronicUpset · Jul 1, 2011

Interesting thread I must say. I am currently in this situation. I quit my full time job with benefits and was making more money than my boyfriend at the time. I had to quit my job in order to go to nursing school full time and be able to study. It was a decision we both agreed upon prior to me resigning. I have always been an independent person who was able to carry their own weight. Although my boyfriend is paying all the household expenses and encourages me to continue with school and don't worry about anything; I could not stand the fact of not contributing anything, so I decided to get a part-time job, working three days a week, it's not much, but something. I thank God everyday for the blessing of wonderful man, because what my boyfriend is currently doing (with boyfriend status) not many men would do. Prior to me attending NS my boyfriend and I had already saw a future together. I have feeling is going to propose soon, just don't know when. To the OP just be careful as some others have mentioned, you know your boyfriend better than any of us on this board does, to include what he is capable of, and how solid your relationship is. Just think things through and make sure whatever decision you decide, that both of you guys are in agreement. As far as getting it in writing, I think that is a bit much.

2BRN123 · Jul 2, 2011

I am in the same position. Things to think about:

1. (Obviously as everyone else said) Is this a stable relationship, do you see a long future together?

2. How stable is his work situation? What does he do? Is there a possibility he will be transferred? Is there a possibility he could get laid off? Does he have sufficient insurance and benefits that If something happens he will be taken care of? Peoples employment situations can change at the drop of a hat. If he were to become unemployed, what will you do? Does he have adequate savings? If he were to be injured and not able to work, most workers comp or supplemental insurance situations would NOT consider your expenses that hes paying on your behalf because you are NOT married.

3. What is your living situation? Do you have family or relatives nearby? Do you and your boyfriend live together? Do you own or rent? If you rent, does your landlord have a history of raising your rent every year? Could your apartment building go co/op?

If the two of you break up, do you have somewhere to go or a means to pay your rent if you don't live together... If your rent gets too expensive and you have to move...do you have somewhere to go....and quick, I can imagine, trying to find a job and an apartment while doing 12 hour clinicals could be tough to manage.

4. Are there any things you can do to reduce your financial impact? Is there public transportation where you live? Do you need your car? Can you live without cable? Do YOU have money saved? How much financial support would he be providing you? 100% or just a little help here or there? Ya kinda have to have a sit down and map all that out... can't just wing it with the important stuff.

Long story short, Like I said, I am in the same situation. My mom and Aunt and I had a sit down where they basically asked me ALL of these questions and more. My boyfriend and I have a condo (own), I live VERY close to my classes and public transportation so I don't have to worry about insurance, gas, car payments, parking, etc. Because of the course progression I chose, I will be able to work at least part time to contribute. And if all fails and **** hits the fan, my family lives just on the other side of town, so they can "bail me out" if it comes to that. For all of this... I AM SO LUCKY.

I've had friends and roomates that were not so lucky, I don't think they asked themselves the right questions before they committed and ended up getting screwed.

THELIVINGWORST, ASN, RN · Jul 2, 2011

this is the same question i have been asking myself lately as I wonder about our financial situation once I start NS i together we only make about $40,000/yr. Our rent is only about $500-600/month but my bills alone are $600 but i do struggle with willpower and we love to go to the movies so we spend alot on entertainment and food. smh. however when I start NS i plan on going down to part time at my current job and picking up per diem work at my other job and possibly even getting a phlebotomy job per diem to help out....what do ya'll think?

We have been together for two years and living together for a year now. His mom helps us by letting us stay here and I help her by babysitting. My entire family lives 15 minutes away and my school is only 5-10 minutes away while work is 10 minutes away. He has been at his current job for less than a year but his other job for 6 years. I think we will get married someday.

vintagemother, BSN, CNA, LVN, RN · Jul 4, 2011

I know that not all men are the same and I'd like to believe that what happened to me is a rare fluke due to my husband being a jerk. I do want to share my story so that you women can see the possible risks. This way, you can have a back up plan to CYA (cover your a@@)

We rent a home that neither one of us can afford on our own. Actually, when I worked F/T, I could pay all the bills. But I have been working less, in order to succeed in my classes.

To make a long story short, I wasn't able to work much this last semester and about a month ago, he asked me to take our children and move out of our home.

I was without any sort of back up plan. I had no job at the moment. I am enrolled in A&P at a great time that works well with my kids school schedule for the next term. Now, my school plans have been complicated because I desperately want to take and complete A&P and I also need to find a place to live and figure out how to work full time and study enough to get an A.

Thank the Lord, I now have found a job I can do from home (I've worked at home for 12 years until last April) I also have been hired for an on campus job.

I guess I would just encourage all women to consider what they would do if the person they relied on stopped, for whatever reason. I never even thought about it. I thought that the women who said to have back up plans and secret stashes of money were encouraging me to do things that would drive a wedge in my marriage. I didn't realize that this could happen to me.

I know that I can take care of myself, I was a single mom for many years and throughout my 8 year marriage, I payed most of the bills. However, I allowed myself to become dependent on him- for just a few months, and this has happened.

I'm not saying not to rely on a man. I'm saying to consider and make plans for what you'd do if he stopped.

SunshineDaisy, ASN, RN · Jul 4, 2011

I'm just gonna ditto everyone else!