I keep going back and forth with myself about becoming a nurse

[duskyjewel]

I am currently a CNA working for a hospice, and I'm pretty satisfied with my job. I've been working as a CNA for almost a year and a half. My first 7 months were spent on a hospital telemetry floor and I hated that job with a passion. I left it because I could feel the stress starting to have mental and physical health impacts upon me. Chronic short-staffing, helpful nurses who seemed to genuinely care grossly outnumbered by the gossiping/facebooking ones sitting in the station ignoring call lights, and management that was only interested in sending more tasks down the pike and never addressing questions or solving real problems all combined into a toxic culture I couldn't live in. My current employer is like night and day, and a much better fit for me. It was really my first lesson in the fact that there are a thousand ways to work in nursing, meaning we always have options.

A little nagging, pushing voice/feeling in the back of my mind keeps making me research ways to become a nurse, even as I am not entirely sure I want to. Like most of the public, I always regarded nursing as a "calling." I think for some it is, and I've seen how that can turn a person into an amazing nurse. But it's also, at the end of the day, just another profession, one more way to spend our working lives and provide for our families. No more, or less, perfect or difficult or amazing or frustrating than any other. Sure we hold people's lives in our hands. So do natural gas technicians and the civil engineers who supervise them. So do cops and firefighters and soldiers. So do parents and teachers and accountants and priests.

So anyway, I'm asking if, based on my reasons for and against, you as nurses think I should drop it or pursue it.

For: I know I could do it and be good at it. I was always a great student and I know my strengths and weaknesses well. I have the chops to get through school and I'm a fast learner. I don't do anything except housework half-assed. Once I commit to something, I put in the effort to succeed. I also don't suffer from too much pride and am perfectly willing to learn from and submit to the authority of those younger than me who have more training and knowledge. I already do that in my role as CNA working with nurses in their 20s. (This is a "second career" for me after spending 15 years at home raising my kids with sporadic low-paying part-time jobs here and there.) I've also had nurses I work with (and respect) express their opinion that I should go to school and become a nurse, and give positive feedback to my superiors about me.

I'm not worried about finding a job after I graduate because my employer helps pay for schooling and in return requires commitments to work for them for a certain amount of time. I actually like my employer and plan to stay with them for the duration of my career, whether as CNA or nurse. As a corollary, I can pursue education in this field while incurring little to no debt because of my employer's educational benefits. I recently talked to a CNA who's in school and says he hasn't paid a dime toward his degree, our employer has paid it all. They even have tuition assistance for prereqs!

I have five children, the oldest of whom will start college in two years. Approaching 40, I'm no spring chicken and need to get serious about saving for retirement. Both of these heavily money-related issues would be a lot easier to address on an RN wage than a CNA wage.

I actually like working three NOC 12s a week and have found a good work-life balance doing it! This one is the craziest of all to me. If you had told me I would say this two years ago, I would have checked you into a mental ward. But I am still able to do the vast majority of the SAHM stuff that is so important to me while I hold a job full time, and Daddy has grown admirably into picking up the slack when I can't. It kind of shocks me how well my family as a whole has adjusted to this new lifestyle. Having all my children school-aged is key to the mix, though. I couldn't have done this when they were younger.

Having my nursing degree will offer me a ton of choices in future employment, while being an aide will always be the same.

Against: Sometimes being at the bottom of the totem pole has its benefits. I rarely get stuck at work late, and at times it's pretty nice to be able to say, "I'll get your nurse," and pass the responsibility to someone else. There is so much I don't have to deal with, yet I still get to care for patients and interact with them.

Some of my reasons for wanting to move up aren't very noble. Even with the above acknowledgement, staying at the bottom of the profession forever isn't very appealing. Not having to clean rooms, empty trash, or haul huge heavy bags of linens all the time has its allure. I know that I will do all of those sometimes, but it will be because I have time and choose to be nice to my aides, not because I have to. Also, I have been appalled by some nurses I've worked with (inability to express themselves intelligently orally or in writing, terrible hygeine practices, sloppy care and indifferent or even negative attitude toward patients), and find myself wanting to move up just because I can't believe THAT PERSON outranks me! If I'm a nurse, that's one less job a person like that can fill.

I fear getting injured and becoming disabled because of working in this field. While I might do less lifting and transferring than I do now if I were a nurse, I will still be doing those tasks, and it only takes one bad event to permanently injure your back and completely change your life. (My husband's answer to this would be: yeah, and tomorrow you could get hit by a bus.)

I don't NEED to be a nurse. It's not something I must do in order to be satisfied with my life or feel accomplished. Again, it's not a calling for me, and I'm not sure someone who doesn't see it that way should pursue the profession.

So, now, if you've read this tome (sorry and thank you), what say you?

[julz68]

I say, Go for it!

I really enjoyed reading your post, as it is so very similar to my life. I have 4 kids, was a SAHM mom for years with part time meaningless jobs, became a CNA, worked telemetry floor, went back to school and graduated at age 44. :)

My hospital also had tuition reimbursement in exchange for signing a contract to work for them for X amount of years. It took me 5 years to finish school because the first 2.5 years I took all of my prerequisites part time so I could still work full time. My ADN program was also 2.5 years because it was a night/weekend program that was geared towards untraditional students who had to work and/or had families, which also worked out great since I worked 12 hr NOCs.

I'm not gonna lie, it was hard at times. The biggest thing for me was that it took me away from my family. I missed some of my kids' school events, sports events etc while I was in class or clinical. I really felt guilty about that. But my kids seemed to understand.

So far, I have been loving my new career as an RN. I've been off orientation now for 5 weeks.

Graduating, passing NCLEX and now working in a field that I love, has been a huge sense of accomplishment for me. My family is proud of me and I'm proud of myself. It was tough, but I did it and I'm glad I did!

You can do it! Good luck! :)

[missnurse01, MSN, RN]

I agree to go for it. You have plenty of valid reasons for being a nurse, they don't have to be angelic or make you a martyr, lol. you have your head screwed on straight and the desire to advance. You will never forget being on the bottom of the totem pole, and will remember to not be one of those nurses you are not proud of. Each time you advance, it takes courage to take on more responsibility. it was daunting when I became an lvn, then when I became an rn...I couldn't pass the buck anymore, it was all me! Now I am about to go to grad school, and know that it really is all on me. But if others can do it, why can't I? I mean you? lol

go for it mama!

[RLtinker, LPN]

It sounds to me that you have many of the qualities that make a good nurse and you already have an idea of what you are getting yourself into. So I say go for it.

[ShyeoftheTiger]

I agree with everyone else! It seems like the rewards far outweigh the risks. As you said, you don't *need* to be a nurse, but why not try? If you don't like it, then you can come up with a new plan :) Not to mention your writing is very eloquent!

[melizerd, ASN, RN]

Not everyone gets called in a loud shouting voice, some get called in a whisper, it's still a calling and if you're thinking and talking like this you ARE being called. You're just being called in a different way I say go for it!

[Baubo516, RN]

I agree with all of the previous posters, but I just wanted to add my voice to the mix! I am about to turn 40, and I just completed my first semester of a 2 year ADN program. I was a music teacher before, and that was a "calling" for me... but that meant I spent all of my time and energy doing it, leaving no time or energy for a home life. I am married, no kids, but even my husband (who knows how to cook, clean and do laundry) was feeling neglected. I chose to change careers 1) to achieve better work/home balance, 2) to get paid for all of the hours I work and not bring work home and 3) to continue helping people in a more one on one kind of way.

I have not wanted to be a nurse my whole life, but when I knew I needed a change, I looked at my personal qualities and decided this would be a good fit. I've been working as an aide for almost 2 years now, and I still feel pretty good about my decision!

From what you have written, you sound to me like you would be an excellent nurse. As "real" adults (i.e. over 30) I think we look at our career decisions more holistically - as in, how will it affect our whole lives. There is nothing wrong with that! I kinda' wish I had thought about the lifestyle of a teacher back when I was in college the first time - I might have made a different choice!

Good luck to you and let us know what you decide!

[WideOpenHeart]

Sounds like a "calling" to me.

By the way, there's a process of decision making called "Ignatian Discernment."

It's a catholic practice, but people from many other faiths and spiritualities use it.

You might look it up on YouTube...

Anyway, one of the (many) COOL principles it teaches is that our motives usually are mixes of good and bad (or what we think of as "bad"). The presence of "bad" motives does not negate the co-existing presence of "good" motives. The presence of bad motives does not mean that a certain path is not the right one.

Anyway, I think you have more than enough honorable, prudent motives for going into nursing. :)

[megank5183]

I would do it....if for nothing more than monetary considerations...