I feel like I'm cracking

[Serotonin2]

Hello all,

I have been a nurse for a little over a year now. Some days I think that I am beginning to turn the corner. I feel a bit less anxious and little more confident. However, there are still days that I feel like a complete idiot and discouraged with my nursing practice or sense panic and anxiety taking over again. When anxiety hits my nursing practice suffers. I second guess myself A LOT even when I do know what I ought to do. I seem to have lost all confidence. I find myself asking for reassurance often and am afraid this behavior is beginning to annoy my co-workers. For example, yesterday I had to draw up a bedside rescue/load for a seizure pt for the first time. My brain froze and I found myself asking other nurses what I ought to do even though I knew what to do. I then felt like an idiot for needing someone to "hold my hand". I'm concerned that my co-workers doubt my competence and that I may get in trouble with my supervisor. Later that shift I had an anxiety attack which slowed me down from getting back into my COVID + AMS pts room who had flooded the bed. This caused me to feel guilty for not getting the pt cleaned up immediately. The next shift I felt like a failure because I got out late, forgot to do the 1st night before pre-op bath for a pt and had to hand it off to night shift, and had to hand off cathing a pt as they mysteriously began retaining urine and the deadline to wait before cathing co-incided with the end of my shift. I try to throw 110% into my work, but I still feel as if I'm failing! I'm also starting to feel very burned out. I'm experiencing multiple stressors outside of work as well and feel numb and exhausted. My brain is so foggy sometimes I can't think straight or speak clearly. I don't feel as if I recoup in my days off. I wake up tremoring with anxiety and have a hard time going to sleep at night. The smallest task outside of work seems to take immense energy and effort. I feel as if I am cracking. Help!

[caliotter3]

You are sorely in need of a vacation. During your time off see your doctor. Start to deal with your issues before you lose your job or worse. Having those things occur during your shift happens to most at one time or another. The glaring elephant in the room is how you are letting circumstances blow your personal equilibrium out of whack. Learn to take care of yourself while you have the chance. If necessary, seek counseling in addition to physical medical care. It can only help in all aspects of your life. Good luck.

[JKL33]

I will strongly encourage you to speak with your primary care provider about this.

This isn't unusual, and I'm not saying that there is something seriously wrong with you. It's just that there is a good chance that you don't need to suffer this way. Be proactive. Rather than feeling helpless against the direction the wind is blowing right now, take proactive steps.

Go and make sure that all is well with you medically and seek advice about what you can do to handle stress and anxiety. This is not a hopeless situation.

Take good care of yourself ~

[Hoosier_RN, MSN]

As previously suggested, seek out your PCP for guidance, and get counseling if needed. Also, see if any local hospitals offer nurse support groups for nurses.

In the advent of CV-19,  local small town hospitals in my area have started offering outreach support to help nurses who are feeling overwhelmed. From the newest hire, to the oldest curmudgeonly nurse/pct, any direct care staff can reach out. Country Bumpkin General even has weekly meetings at different times that, from what I hear, are well attended for all times (its not limited to just their staff, any healthcare provider can attend, just provide facility ID).  Of course, attendees are screened. If this isn't offered, suggest it.

From the things I've read on here,  other nursing groups, and real life conversations, you are FAR from the only nurse feeling this way. (((Hugs))) for you

[1st responder]

Dear serotonin2

I believe as you mentioned in your post that you know what you are doing though the stressors of the responsibility  of caring for  another human being's life takes a toll at some point. This job is physically and emotionally exhausting so take time for yourself, go for a walk, get your nails done, anything that you like and enjoy doing that will  take your mind off the job and its duties.  At some point or another , we ALL whether is a new nurse or experienced one has felt overwhelmed at least once. You will look back some years from now and realized it was just a small set back and you will be able to understand if someone else is experiencing the same situation and provide empathy and expertise. Keep it up, you have what takes to be a good nurse. Anyone can  can pass meds,  check vital signs and perform a task , though not everyone is able to   CARE for her patient.