I was deemed an unsafe student in nursing school and it affects my confidence as a nurse now

[dsaprog, BSN, RN]

In nursing school I had a clinical instructor who called me out for having issues with attendance, not participating in clinical, refusing to take accountability for mistakes, displaying unsafe clinical practices, and the list goes on. When an incident happened at clinical where I gave a pt thin liquid who was on ntl diet, she took it up to chain of directors who said flat out I was not a good fit for nursing and unsafe. It was especially traumatizing because I was in a desperate situation and my parents are immigrants, which raised suspicions that my parents religion or culture made me unable to do certain things in clinicals. I was offended by the assumptions about my parents and being judged. I was kicked out and had to repeat the semester, which I did, because I felt that I made it too far to give up, and I was too afraid to do something else. I spent the rest of nursing school on everyones radar and it was so humiliating to be universally hated and known by everyone for something negative. Now I've been a nurse for a couple years and haven't worked in a hospital and have no experience or confidence to do hospital work. I work in nursing facilities and community health. It's going okay I guess, I just feel like I may have a learning disability and I struggle with some of the issues I had in nursing school. I still feel like I may not be a good fit for nursing based on the opinions of many professors and I worry about being judged that way all the time. I don't know how to deal with my problems and feel confident as a nurse. I feel like I should see a therapist, I just have self esteem issues and don't feel comfortable talking to someone directly.  

[Emergent, RN]

I think it's hard for us to really judge this situation on an online forum. Maybe getting a counselor might be a good idea? That way, you could go into details that that are impossible to delve into in this setting.

[subee, MSN, CRNA]

You've been a nurse now for 2 years.  Are you getting bad evaluations?  Are you making a lot of errors?  Did it ever occur to you that the problem was that you ran into the occasional psychopath that ends up teaching?  Nursing schools are desperate for instructors.  The standards start to slip.  Also, you went to school and started working at an extremely difficult time.  Covid made us a country of anxious and stressed out people.  Try to forgive the person who was so nasty to you maybe it will help relieve some of the trauma you went through.  Acknowledge that it's possible the problem wasn't you but was them.  Make time to talk to a therapist.  It will be the best money you ever spent.  

[kp2016]

I was cleaning recently and found old copies of evaluations from my clinical's. As I read through them they were all very positive except for one. One was extremely critical and basically said I "would likely struggle in a clinical role"

I was shocked as I don't remember doing badly on any clinical and I've been an RN for decades. Basically I thought I was going to faint while observing a procedure so excused myself, stepped out of the patient room and got some water/ sat down to ensure I didn't faint at the bedside mid procedure.  With hindsight the only person who acted inappropriately was the instructor who choose to write such an unfounded comment. 

She was completely wrong and at this point in my life I can easily see that writing such a negative comment about a student based on one encounter where I actually made the right decision says a lot more about her than it did me. A therapist is likely a good idea. They can help you process this and hopefully put it into an appropriate perspective and move past it.

Best of Luck

[Ado Annie, ASN, RN]

I think seeing a counselor makes a lot of sense. But, speaking generally, please don't be so intimidated by that experience that you are afraid to try something you want to do. You made it through nursing school and passed boards. A hospital or clinic should provide an adequate orientation. You will probably face some difficult days when you doubt yourself. I'm not sure I trust anyone who hasn't had those days. But time will pass and you will gain confidence. Or... you'll know that that particular setting is not right for you. There are so many different settings for nurses. 

[MaxAttack, BSN, RN]

I was failed for being unsafe one semester in nursing school. I kept going, and yeah I felt like I was on the radar and that I barely squeaked through. But I did. I now have almost ten years of critical care experience, including level I trauma centers and a transplant CVICU. 

I still sometimes think back to that, and you know what? They had a point. Everyone makes mistakes, and I can admit I've done my share. Learn, grow, and be the best version of yourself you can be. Counseling is a great idea. Sometimes, it takes a few tries to find someone you click with, but it's so worth the effort.

"It's not about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." -Rocky

[JessicaBRN]

Hey, I totally get how that experience could shake your confidence. Just remember, you've already proven yourself by getting through school and working in community health! If you're not ready for hospital work, that's okay. Maybe chatting with a therapist could help build back some of that self-assurance. You're doing great where you are!

[Maltmom0402RN]

Can totally relate.  My first week in LPN school, I had an instructor who yelled at me in front of two instructors saying that I was unsafe and would never graduate.  Two years later, I graduated summa cum laude with an RN and the instructor was not rehired.  But, her words still hurt and I still struggle with confidence.  But, I need to tell myself "why do I put so much weight in one person who eventually was terminated from the college?  And that other colleagues did not respect?".  I had to do a lot of reality testing and positive self talk.  Can you use your EAP to maybe talk to someone if you feel you cannot see a therapist?  Just someone to help reshape your thoughts so that you can be the safe, professional RN you are.  I have found that safe RNs always reflect on their actions, and the actual unsafe ones have no insight.