should I be ashamed that I can't handle the hospital?

[chiariwarrior]

I feel so disappointed in myself. I've been an RN since 2011. Right after I graduated I got diagnosed with EDS. A connective tissue disorder. Ended up having to have two neck surgeries to fused my skull to my spine, a back surgery to release my tethered spinal cord and got diagnosed with intracranial hypertension and had to have an lp shunt put in. So I was out of nursing for a few years. Since I've been back I have been working at a family clinic. I loved it and felt so good to be back working. But I felt with being an RN that I should try to go work at the hospital so I could regain some of my RN skills that I'm not getting at the hospital.

Well I'm 3 weeks into orientation and I realize this was a bad idea. My body can not handle the stress or the work load and hours of med surg. I wanted so bad for it to work but there just is no way. When I left last night my neck was so tense and tight that both my arms were numb. I have nerve issues in my neck all the time but stress makes it worse.

I am so disappointed and feel guilty that I can't do it. On one hand I feel like I should just push thru and try to deal with it. But on the other hand I know that it will have a negative effect on my health. I have two young boys and a hubby that need me to be able to be somewhat healthy for them.

I dont know what I'm asking here. I guess I just need some advice or encouragement. I feel like a failure. And I know my manager is going to be mad when I have to quit in orientation. But I don't wanna waste more of their money when I know I can't do the job.

[llg, PhD, RN]

I'm sorry to hear that this particular job is not going to work out for you. You are right -- it is better to resign sooner rather than later. The longer you stay, the more of your employer's resources you are wasting.

Are there any other jobs within that facility that you would probably be able to handle? If so, you might want to ask your manager to delay your termination from the system while you pursue those other options. It's usually a lot easier to transfer between units than to get removed from the system completely and try to start over from scratch as a new hire in another department. You need to think fast about that to be sure you leave on good terms if you are going to leave completely -- or to arrange a transfer rather than a full departure.

As for being ashamed? Why? Should someone be ashamed they got cancer ... or kidney disease ... or whatever? You didn't do anything wrong: there is nothing to be ashamed of at this point. Just continue to act honorably and give some thought to the type of job that you CAN do with your health concerns.

Good luck to you.

[meanmaryjean, DNP, RN]

There is no shame in not working in a hospital! It's certainly not where the growth in jobs is either. Do what works for you.

PS: I had intercranial hypertension 30 years ago- avoided a shunt with a couple years worth of acetazolamine, but have some permanent visual field loss from the papilledema.

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

Patients love a great office nurse. Go rock it.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

Be the best at what you can do! Don't sweat the hospital work!