chiariwarrior

I feel so disappointed in myself. I've been an RN since 2011. Right after I graduated I got diagnosed with EDS. A connective tissue disorder. Ended up having to have two neck surgeries to fused my skull to my spine, a back surgery to release my tethered spinal cord and got diagnosed with intracranial hypertension and had to have an lp shunt put in. So I was out of nursing for a few years. Since I've been back I have been working at a family clinic. I loved it and felt so good to be back working. But I felt with being an RN that I should try to go work at the hospital so I could regain some of my RN skills that I'm not getting at the hospital. Well I'm 3 weeks into orientation and I realize this was a bad idea. My body can not handle the stress or the work load and hours of med surg. I wanted so bad for it to work but there just is no way. When I left last night my neck was so tense and tight that both my arms were numb. I have nerve issues in my neck all the time but stress makes it worse. I am so disappointed and feel guilty that I can't do it. On one hand I feel like I should just push thru and try to deal with it. But on the other hand I know that it will have a negative effect on my health. I have two young boys and a hubby that need me to be able to be somewhat healthy for them. I dont know what I'm asking here. I guess I just need some advice or encouragement. I feel like a failure. And I know my manager is going to be mad when I have to quit in orientation. But I don't wanna waste more of their money when I know I can't do the job.