Hprp assessment

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I'm about to be evaluated for hprp... I did the phone interview and all that... I've just got to do the 2 hour assessment with the shrink... what does that entail? I'm terrified...what kind of drug test do they do? I was convicted of my second dui... I'm pretty sure they're going to try to force me to join...I don't want hprp to screw up my legal probation... I'm considering quitting nursing.. or joining hprp after I'm done with my legal probation and do something different for two years... I mean- it's silly- I've been on bond since the end of January, finally got convicted mid April and have been practicing this whole time... I hate this mess..

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I'm not sure about Michigan, but most programs are supportive of you getting as much help as you can. How do you think hprp would interfere with your legal stuff?

As far as drugs, most all narcotic classes (prescription and street) as well as alcohol.

I've seen a few nurses escape detection with several DUIs, then I've seen some get one and be referred to monitoring. They usually all end up in monitoring though. If they don't get reported right away, they get caught at renewal time. Might as well go ahead and get started! Good luck

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Not saying I'll relapse/ use/l ( I'm trying to be realistic here) but if I were to "relapse" they would report it to my P.O. and I'd be in a world of pain. I don't plan on it but relapse is a part of recovery if you go with the traditional views on addiction as a disease process... so I'm apprehensive. That's how they could interfere with me legally. I get my assessment Tuesday- just did the UA... I'm very nervous... this is expensive and frankly- I don't really want to be sober ( rather, forced to be 100% sober)for 2-5 years. I know that sounds bad, but this had nothing to do with work or narcotics... I mean, the fact that one beer with dinner could cause me an additional year of probation is terrifying. I'm in my 20s and I feel like my ability to socialize has been completely thwarted. It's depressing as I see it now. (Maybe this will change in time ) I also hate that my life is being viewed under a microscope- I'm a very private person and this is pretty much my worst fear coming to fruition. This makes me even more anxious and frankly I feel like I could use a beer. Lol. :/ I think it's unrealistic that *everyone* who gets caught is ultimately happy because they found sobriety.. it seems too reheorificed... but I haven't met one person yet who believes that forces sobriety is wrong...except me. I guess that's the addict brain? ( that's what I'll be told). :/ I know it isn't going to change and I've got to accept it, but I'm not happy about it... I don't think it's a blessing and I certainly don't like that it is no longer my choice to quit or not ( if not because of nursing, thorough the courts). Whatever happened to moderation? I can't drive, so I'm no longer dangerous to the public in that regard. I never was drunk at work..::sigh:: I don't understand why everything has to be so black and white but again- it doesn't matter... I have to suck it up. Sorry for the rant- it's not like a few years of sobriety will kill me so I suppose it isn't the worst situation in the world... but it still feels so wrong to be controlled this much by anybody but myself. I'm okay with being punished for my crime- I get that I did something wrong... I went to jail..but it all seems to unrealistic ( if it's a disease how can I be expected to control it without hiccups?) if it's a choice and I can be responsible without the temptation of a car- why is it so wrong to have a beer after work or with friends? I hope I see things differently over time. People I've met who have been through this say I'll see things differently- but I'm having a hard time believing it. :(

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Women's Health, LTC.

When you have two DUI's in your 20's, it just may be time to take a hard look at your drinking. I'm not saying you are an alcoholic, but, your judgement is definitely off.

Nobody says you have to quit drinking for the rest of your life, but, again, if even two to five years seems overwhelming and nearly impossible, drinking may be a problem for you.

Speak with monitoring, speak with an attorney and weigh your options. These programs are not fun. But, speaking for myself, I didn't get here by singing too loudly in church!

My actions got me here and my actions will get me through. Now, I know that some people have been screwed by the random false positive and the stress is unbelievable, but, I will persevere.

Mostly because of the support I get on this forum and from my family and friends who are cheering me on.

Good luck to you and remember we are here for you.

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Yeah Sobriety sucks but its the price you gotta pay if you wanna keep being a nurse. If I had another option I'd take it but I have too much tied up in my career and I'm too old to start over. Truthfully, if this isn't worth it to you don't do it.

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I appreciate the responses... I definitely have an addictive personality but I've never seen myself as an addict, I guess. I don't know any "normal" people who go an entire year or more without any alcohol at all... I mean, even my mom had a drink on special occasions ( so at least a few times a year)... I think it would be sad to give up my license because I question my ability to be sober... but I'd hate to go to jail for relapsing when it's such a natural part of recovering for an addict... maybe I am an addict... that's hard to swallow in and of itself. :/ I hate to say it, but criminal probation is a hell of a lot easier than hprp from what I've gathered... but I don't know how I'd be able to fool/ cheat my misdemeanor probation for 2 years without *eventually* getting caught anyway ( albeit possible) so I feel like I should give hprp the 'old college try...and the fact that I want to figure out a way to cheat probation is kind of messed up... -.- All and all, I'm just terrified and feel like a deer in the headlights. I've been on a nursing track since I was 20..: I'm 28...and frankly, my nursing license is the only positive accomplishment I've had since graduating high school... I'd hate to give that up... but I'm resentful, too... bah! I'm just fried and don't know what to think anymore... I can't talk to my coworkers- if they found out I'd be demonized... my boss is very supportive and actually made a position for me so that I could still work in the event I get a monitoring agreement.. which I'm sure I will. Apparently that's half the battle... I do feel privileged that I can keep my job... it actually gave me more faith in nursing than I had before ( rather than the whole- eat our young vibe)... I'm just really terrified by all the uncertainty and I hate that I can't find a way out of that uncomfortable feeling.... I guess that's my real issue. I can't escape and that's probably why I used alcohol to the extent that I did- to escape that feeling. Well- thank you all for helping me reach that epiphany.. rather, accepting that fact. I guess I should quit my b*tching and suck it up. I'll cross the relapse road if i ever have the misfortune of going there while in the program. I'm still not excited, though- Damn my poor decision making! >.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Women's Health, LTC.
I appreciate the responses... I definitely have an addictive personality but I've never seen myself as an addict, I guess. I don't know any "normal" people who go an entire year or more without any alcohol at all...

>.

Lots of "normal" people go many,many years without a drink. My mother lived to be 61 years old and only ever had one drink, a mint julep, at a friends Derby Party.

As for relapse being a part of recovery, please do not believe everything you hear. Yes, I am an alcoholic, and I do attend AA, but I don't swallow everything they say and stand for.

Many an alcoholic got sober once and stayed that way until their dying day. I myself, know that if I were to ever place a drink or drug on these lips, I will end up dead or in jail. Because I know that I can never drink again. Does it bother me? Not now, maybe in the first three months of sobriety, it did.

Many nurses who find themselves in these programs are NOT alcoholics. Maybe a DUI, maybe something from LONG before they were nurses. But, for whatever reason gets them here, they manage to take a really crappy situation and push through.

If it is not something you think you are prepared to do, then don't. But, if you decide to stay, know that all the wonderful nurses on here will be happy to lend an ear.

RN1965

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My first response when reading all the rules of TPAPN and finding out the thing about no alcohol (alcohol was not my drug of choice) was "no way, that's ridiculous, I'm not doing that." I then proceeded to explore ways I could get a job using my nursing knowledge but without my license. One thought was training nurses on how to use the charting software, since ive already done that while I was a nurse. My conclusion was that I would have to explain why I don't have a nursing license. My resume would show nursing jobs, but I wouldn't have a license. I tried to find out what people would be able to read about me online if I voluntarily surrendered my license but I don't think I was ever sure about that one. But I did see that nurses who were disciplined had their entire hearing before the board open as a public document. Beyond explaining to prospective employers, I'd also have family and friends who would ask about it. Just innocent questions, oh you're working where? Is that a clinic or something? I thought you were a nurse? For years, as I saw relatives at various family functions, I'd be lying "yes, I was a nurse but I got so stressed by the job, I decided to do something different". I knew I could sell the story, I just didn't want to have to lie, forever, if it ever came up.

My thoughts were that I just needed to take it one day at a time (lol, that's AA's motto, and it's true!). Get the paperwork done, figure out the requirements and organize myself. Put a bunch of tasks with alerts on my calendar so I won't forget: daily check in, monthly status report, quarterly updates with my employer. If your employer is willing to let you keep your job, that is HUGE!! I really think you should take advantage of that and at least try.

You really REALLY need to get that idea out of your mind that relapse is part of recovery. Not in nursing monitoring it's not. Relapse often means you've wasted however much time you've put in and now you have to start all over!! They are not forgiving, at all. Also get out of your mind that you could find ways to cheat the system. You probably could with the legal probation. I've been to,d that the drug tests are scheduled, weekly or monthly or whatever, and yes you could time it just right so you could drink and have it clear your system before your next test. It's not that easy with monitoring. It's random, plus they have the option to do more than just urine, they've done blood, hair and nails. You will get caught. You e got to go in just ready to suck it up and abstain for the duration. I fully intend to drink when I'm done, I'm even planning my shopping list for all the stuff I want, but I'm not drinking now, not at all. It's not worth having to start all over! It does totally suck, yes, but it's doable.

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As someone who has plowed this road somewhat before you, I'm going pass on advice that helped me. Take it with a grain of salt, if you must.

You cannot worry about relapse. You just can't. It's absolutely not a given...that's horse poo. Absolute bru-haha. It's common, but so is Type 2 diabetes with obesity...but that does not make it a given by any stretch. That is putting the cart waaaaay before the horse.

If you normalize relapse as a given, in the back of your mind, you are always gonna be looking at a potential relapse to fall back on when you feel like you just can't cope another second. Here's how it really needs to work: You absolutely have to PREPARE to PREVENT a relapse by putting together a "coping skill took box", having a support system, a program, etc. You can never say that you are above a relapse, no.

But heck no do you PLAN for it like it's coming for sure like it's Christmas or something!

You only worry about sobriety today. I was pretty darn sure I couldn't make it clean five years. I mean, yeah. I gave MYSELF a snowball's chance in Hades when the hell fire first rained down on me. But I quickly learned to stop putting myself in hot oil by running my mouth about how I was so very different than other addicts and alcoholics. I closed my mouth and opened my ears to people who I eventually realized knew way more than me. I had to stop flapping my gums and listen to people who had actually done it, or seen people do it.

One group, I had a moment listening to a woman share...and you can't cross talk in groups, so I had to shut up and listen. Suzie Q had been shooting heroin and smoking meth for 25 years, had prostituted and had been homeless, and she had managed five straight years clean?? Man, maybe I can do this. I have a roof, food, a family, and I'm educated. If she can do it with NOTHING on her side, I can do this with all my resources!!! I started paying attention to what made these people successful. And I learned so much. Still do.

And here I am. 17 months in, without even a hint of a relapse. Sure. Never say never. I'm not above it. But I know every day I do everything I can put as much distance as possible between me and using substances. All I can say is I'm not relapsing today...and try to repeat that the next morning when I wake up. So far, I've strung together 512 days of being clean and sober.

Alcohol wasn't my thing. Even so, if I sat and contemplated how I'm gonna pull off 5 years of zero contact with any type of alcohol, I would have lost my ever loving mind.

My drug counselor has the best cheesy cliche. I love to hate it:

How to you eat an entire elephant? One bite at a time. No more, no less.

You sound like you aren't ready to give up on nursing...so don't. Start by just talking to the monitoring guy. Let them explain the program. Listen. Think. Digest.

One bite at a time. You got this.

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Recovering, you said it best. Relapse might be part of recovery but its not part of monitoring. The punishments are swift and super-harsh. If you do this thing you gotta be fully compliant or all the time, money and aggravation is for nothing. I have one lady in my group right now who honestly thought she was done with the program. Her monitoring case manager told her so and that her release would be there in a couple days. She had some wine celebrating. She had to start all over again. That's right another 3-4 years in the program for a couple glasses of wine. Do what they say. You don't have to like it (I hate it) but you gotta do it.

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I hate to say it, but if you are planning on drinking alcohol again- be prepared to be monitored again. If you start drinking and anyone ever reports that you are drinking again you will land yourself for another assessment and another monitoring program. I have seen ex husband's and old girlfriends report nurses. Anyone can report you at anytime for any reason and if you are drinking again you will be expected to start monitoring again. When you graduate from the program they tell you that you are no allowed to drink alcohol because you have a problem and can't be trusted- maybe not in those exact words. You will always be considered a problem drinker now.

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