I have been an RN for 2 years. Recently diagnosed with depression. I'm trying to figure out if part of the reason I became so depressed is b/c I just don't feel competent as a nurse. Even in nursing school I felt like nursing might not be for me, but was in an Accelerated BSN program and chalked it up to stress.
I don't like the stress/responsibility of being an RN. I feel anxious whenever the poop hits the fan. I imagine good RNs thrive on that adrenaline, whereas w/me it just makes me forget everything I know and need to do. I am not a very detailed person. I realize this about myself. I try and be detailed, but usually don't catch all the things in documentation. (I originally saw the psychiatrist to find out if I had Adult ADD as it's difficult for me to stay focused at work and I felt like I was making dumb mistakes, but she dx'ed me w/ Severe depression instead). I'm basically trying to find out how can you tell when you're a square peg that just doesn't fit into that round hole? And if bedside nursing isn't for me due to the stress what are some other ways to use my RN license (have BA in Psych also)? I know I don't want to go into Informatics as I don't consider myself a computer geek. Thought of home health, but have never worked med/surg so feel like I might not be confident/competent enough to do things out in the field on my own w/all cases.
Thanks for the responses thus far. To provide some answers/ clarification to some of the posted questions: I have 10 months NICU ( straight out of nursing school, loved teaching the parents, but the intensity of going straight into NICU wAs too much for me. My supervisor told me she'd never seen anyone as anxious as me and she couldn't think of anyplace I'd actually fit in nursing...so confidence blown I went into psych RN job. Like somethings but county management is terrible, nothing ever written down about changes, low pay, dirty work environment, work w/ pts that are often homeless and have nothing to lose by hurting nurses)
i live in CA so w/ state being in the read almost afraid to go I to into public health. Wanted to try home health, but talked to an RN in my area that tried it and she mentioned getting sent to gang members homes, meth labs, etc. There's gangs/ drugs in communities surrounding mine.
So trying to be thankfuli have a job, but dread going to work most days. Doing counseling and medication, but it's not helping as much as I'd hoped. I used to feel confident, highly regarded in other careers I've had , but nursing seems to mostly just kick you in the butt.
...I went into nursing b/c I do like to help people, wanted to make sure I could always take care of my 2 young kids (went into nursing after nasty divorce). I think it would be less stressful sometimes if I didn't care as much about doing things right and not wanting to cause harm to a patient. I feel like I'm incapable, but yet now charge nurse. It's like I'm just hoping they don't find out how little I know. It's weird, but feel like a "fraud". Don't understand it as did make it to being an RN. I guess my stress is not helped much by my current husband having undiagnosef depression or something (findlly talked him into going to psychiatrist for it this week). Maybe I just have too much stress in my life, w/ being a working mom w/ no family nearby to help out. Sorry this was so long.
Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.
...I went into nursing b/c I do like to help people, wanted to make sure I could always take care of my 2 young kids (went into nursing after nasty divorce). I think it would be less stressful sometimes if I didn't care as much about doing things right and not wanting to cause harm to a patient. I feel like I'm incapable, but yet now charge nurse. It's like I'm just hoping they don't find out how little I know. It's weird, but feel like a "fraud". Don't understand it as did make it to being an RN. I guess my stress is not helped much by my current husband having undiagnosef depression or something (findlly talked him into going to psychiatrist for it this week). Maybe I just have too much stress in my life, w/ being a working mom w/ no family nearby to help out. Sorry this was so long.
Ummm...yeah. I think your stress level is through the ROOF honey. Before I write another word, here is a hug from me to you (insert big hug here).
I know what you mean about feeling like a "fraud". Although on paper you are a success (as evidenced by your graduating from school and now put into the role of charge nurse), you somehow feel that you have simply slipped through the cracks and nobody has realized it yet...is that how you feel? Please know that a lot of nurses feel that way. I can speak for myself when I tell you that I feel that way every day of my life, and I have been a nurse for some time now.
I continue to be amazed that I haven't had a "nursing intervention" such as this scenario: "Canes, we are all here because we care about you and want you to be happy. With that being said, we think you suck as a nurse and should go back to a desk job, or do something that doesn't require a great deal of thought. You know, like licking stamps full time."
It doesn't help that you are not being supported by family. Feeling lost in both your job AND your home life kinda makes you feel like you are living in a vacuum. It makes you feel very isolated. All of that can understandably make anyone very depressed.
My only encouraging words to you are to let you know that your feelings are validated and understood by me. You are in a tough situation. The meds should make you feel a bit better (how long have you been taking them now?) and the counseling should also help. Both of these things take time, as you well know. Continue to do both of these things.
what kind of nursing are you doing? i have only been a nurse for 8 months and i work in home health and ltc. i am not a detailed person at all and i am struggling with that mostly in home health. home health, especially on the medicare end, has so much documentation that has to be perfect. also, we are not computerized so everything is handwritten.
I don't envy you. Home health is very difficult to do without computerized charting! WOW!!
Ummm...yeah. I think your stress level is through the ROOF honey. Before I write another word, here is a hug from me to you (insert big hug here).
I know what you mean about feeling like a "fraud". Although on paper you are a success (as evidenced by your graduating from school and now put into the role of charge nurse), you somehow feel that you have simply slipped through the cracks and nobody has realized it yet...is that how you feel? Please know that a lot of nurses feel that way. I can speak for myself when I tell you that I feel that way every day of my life, and I have been a nurse for some time now.
I continue to be amazed that I haven't had a "nursing intervention" such as this scenario: "Canes, we are all here because we care about you and want you to be happy. With that being said, we think you suck as a nurse and should go back to a desk job, or do something that doesn't require a great deal of thought. You know, like licking stamps full time."
It doesn't help that you are not being supported by family. Feeling lost in both your job AND your home life kinda makes you feel like you are living in a vacuum. It makes you feel very isolated. All of that can understandably make anyone very depressed.
My only encouraging words to you are to let you know that your feelings are validated and understood by me. You are in a tough situation. The meds should make you feel a bit better (how long have you been taking them now?) and the counseling should also help. Both of these things take time, as you well know. Continue to do both of these things.
Hugs to you. :heartbeat
"Canes" I wish you and I were friends! Awesome post! Thanks!:)
I don't envy you. Home health is very difficult to do without computerized charting! WOW!!
Personally, I find HH on paper much quicker than computer. I have used at least 5 different software programs, do not dislike computer..just saying handwritten for me is much faster.
OP, I was in the exact same situation you are in. The only difference is that when I went to my doc thinking I had ADHD I was prescribed Ritalin, that got me through another year in the NICU. I am now working in psych and am one year into graduate school to become a Psychiatric Mental Health NP (and off Ritalin). You should consider it, you sound just like I did a year ago. School is tough, but the role of the NP is so different than the RN it may be what you are looking for. I think part of the depression is that you worked so hard to become an RN and had a vision of what it would be like and now after all that you hate it.....that is very disheartening.
...I went into nursing b/c I do like to help people, wanted to make sure I could always take care of my 2 young kids (went into nursing after nasty divorce). I think it would be less stressful sometimes if I didn't care as much about doing things right and not wanting to cause harm to a patient. I feel like I'm incapable, but yet now charge nurse. It's like I'm just hoping they don't find out how little I know. It's weird, but feel like a "fraud". Don't understand it as did make it to being an RN. I guess my stress is not helped much by my current husband having undiagnosef depression or something (findlly talked him into going to psychiatrist for it this week). Maybe I just have too much stress in my life, w/ being a working mom w/ no family nearby to help out. Sorry this was so long.
Like you, sometimes I do feel like a "fake". There are times that I don't disclose that I am a nurse, for fear of them finding out that I don't know much. I have friends announce that I am a nurse or they ask me for advice, but I would rather they don't even though I am flattered that they think highly of me because I am in this profession. I used to be very disciplined, but sometimes I feel that my brain is all scattered and cannot absorb too much information at a time. I often wonder if I have ADD myself.
babblingbrook
64 Posts
Thanks for the responses thus far. To provide some answers/ clarification to some of the posted questions: I have 10 months NICU ( straight out of nursing school, loved teaching the parents, but the intensity of going straight into NICU wAs too much for me. My supervisor told me she'd never seen anyone as anxious as me and she couldn't think of anyplace I'd actually fit in nursing...so confidence blown I went into psych RN job. Like somethings but county management is terrible, nothing ever written down about changes, low pay, dirty work environment, work w/ pts that are often homeless and have nothing to lose by hurting nurses)
i live in CA so w/ state being in the read almost afraid to go I to into public health. Wanted to try home health, but talked to an RN in my area that tried it and she mentioned getting sent to gang members homes, meth labs, etc. There's gangs/ drugs in communities surrounding mine.
So trying to be thankfuli have a job, but dread going to work most days. Doing counseling and medication, but it's not helping as much as I'd hoped. I used to feel confident, highly regarded in other careers I've had , but nursing seems to mostly just kick you in the butt.