How to support friend in nursing school that complains a lot?

**NICU Guy, BSN, RN** · Jun 27, 2017

When you went through nursing school, did you vent to a nurse friend about school? Sometimes you don't vent to people that can not easily understand what you are venting about. He has a nurse friend that went through nursing school and understands what he is going through. He can easily vent to you because there is no need to explain the basis of the vent.

llg, PhD, RN · Jun 27, 2017

I think I would ask him point blank, "Are you just venting to me because life isn't perfect and you need an understanding person to listen? ... Or are you really so dissatisfied with your nursing education that you are doubting whether or not you made the right choice? I need to know that so that I can know how to best support you. If you are just venting and need me to simply listen to you blowing off steam, I can do that. But if you actually expect me to help you with the things that frustrate you, that's a whole other story. I can't change the nursing program -- and I can tell you that nursing is a challenging career and there will always have its frustrations. You're going to have to learn to handle some frustration or else, maybe re-think your career/educational choice."

Get him to identify what his purpose is for venting to you -- what does he want from you -- etc. Open up a discussion of your relationship so that you get a chance to help re-frame that relationship to one that you can live with.

vanilla bean · Jun 28, 2017

I don't want to ruin a friendship of 10 years over school stuff, but it's hard to support someone that expects nursing school to be a smooth journey.

Everyone handles the stresses and frustrations of nursing school differently, and if your friend is going to manage it by venting about the situations (large and small) that are aggravating him, then why not just let him vent. If you need to occasionally let a call go to voicemail or not respond to a text because you need a break, then give yourself some space. But if you don't want the friendship to end over this, then try to be the friend he needs right now at this short stage of his life. Try to keep some perspective: you have had a decade long friendship with this person and nursing school is temporary.

caliotter3 · Jun 28, 2017

Three times out of four, when he starts to complain, or you sense that is why he is calling, have an urgent need to get off the phone and do something else. Sooner or later, he will figure out that you are avoiding his constant complaining. If you mull along with him on the fourth such session, at least you are not cutting him out completely. Lots more attention than what some people get from their family and friends.

Volley88 · Jun 29, 2017

He is probably just venting.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jun 30, 2017

Hi everyone, I am a recent graduate of a BSN program and my best friend just started nursing school. As we all know nursing school is incredibly stressful and support from family and friends is vital. My friend was really supportive during my time in school and I'm trying to do the same for him. However he is quite the complainer.
Every day he calls me to complain about various things such as poorly written exams, incompetent classmates, and gross things he did in clinical. I have no problem helping him study for tests or to look over his care plans, but the complaints are getting out of hand. My nursing program was far from perfect and I empathize with him. But the real nursing world is just as tough, if not tougher and it takes some resilience to get through school. I hope I'm not coming across the wrong way. I don't want to ruin a friendship of 10 years over school stuff, but it's hard to support someone that expects nursing school to be a smooth journey. Any advice would be helpful, thanks!

The nursing school complains a lot?

This is a good friend, right? Just tell him that you'd love to be supportive, but the constant complaining is getting to be a bit much. Then give him a chance to correct the problem. If he doesn't, you can stop rewarding the complaining with your attention. When he starts complaining, you have somewhere else to be; something else to do. When he's conversing rather than complaining, you have more time for him.

If you can't talk to him about how you feel, I'd have to ask how close the two of you are.