How do I live my life after being at the hospital? Help!

DutchgirlRN, ASN, RN · Nov 30, 2005

I understand you completely and I think you need to go to a therapist and see if you may be suffering from depression. I have suffered from depression on/off since I was a teenager. I'm now 50. I am now on a 6 weeks LOA because I was crying all the time, not sleeping, etc. My shrink increased my Zoloft to twice a day and gave me Ambien to take every night for a month. It's been 3 weeks and I'm feeling much better. I hope you don't hesitate. Depression is an illness just like diabetes and needs proper diagnosis and intervention. A new job (aka) stress can cause a bout or flare-up of depression. God Bless

Bipley · Nov 30, 2005

I got hired by the hospital in my area as a CNA. They have training on-site which I have yet to go through. Today, I was placed at the desk and helped the desk lady with her daily activities. I also shadowed some CNAs and helped them do their daily activities as well. I've never been in the healthcare line of work and this is my first time on the scene. My official training is next week, as a side note of information.
Let me say that I've never been so stressed than I am now. At my previous job, I was able to seperate my work from home and go home stressless and in a great mood. Now, after today, I feel nothing but stress and I can't stop thinking about work. I had orientation (new-employee hiring) yesterday and the two previous nights, I couldn't sleep. I had to take sleeping pills.
Let me say, that now, I love people. I want nothing more than to just give each of the patients at the hospital a hug and just tell them everything will be okay. I loved everyone I talked to today; the patient who went to Fuji, the sweet old man who told us about an old 30s movie star, and the stroke patient named Louis who thought she was washing her face by herself, but really just held the wet rag in her hand. I'm on a orthopedic floor which takes a variety of all sorts of patients. I want to help them, just make them smile and make their day.
But how can I live my life after working at the hospital? Does it get better? Can I do this? I need some advice on how to seperate my life from my work. I can't get too consumed or too stressed or I'll just go nuts and have a nervous breakdown. I want to be a nurse. Am I committing myself to a life-time of endless stress? Will I have to take anti-depressants, anxiety and sleeping pills forever? Is this just first day jitters? Will things get better?
Please help me. I cry all the time now. I just want to be myself again. Please help me. I'm desperate.

A little clarification please, did this start after seeing the patients for the first time? Was it a matter that your heart just goes out to them in every possible way? Or were you feeling like this before you took the job?

If it started after seeing your patients for the first time I think that can be a natural reaction. I remember when I was in high school I went to visit a relative in a LTC facility. I got to meet a couple other folks there and fell in love with them all. My relative died and I continued going to the facility just to talk to a few of the folks.

Each day I'd come home and I had to tell my entire family of "X" person, their diagnosis, their behaviors, what I liked about them, everything in great detail. I didn't understand anything about such facilities. I was overwhelmed in some ways. After I had a few days to get used to everything I was great and ended up loving going there even more. But the initial shock value is pretty significant.

You'll be able to keep work issues at work and home issues at home with time. It sounds to me like you are a very compassionate and caring individual and you are letting your heart get the better of you. That's okay at first. I think it is natural. With time the shock value will wear off and you will see them as people. Just everyday people.

Or... are you stressing over the responsibilities of the job? It's a heck of a responsibility to be in the medical profession regardless of your title. It is JUST as stressful for a CNA as it is the nurse manager. Medicine is stressful but with time people learn to deal with it. The job itself tends to weed out those that just can't cope.

It sounds to me like you have a big heart and that is 75% of being in medicine. The rest will come with time.

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Nov 30, 2005

I do believe that it is normal to have anxiety over a new job spill over into dreams and a person's emotional nature. It comes from the anxiety of wanting to perform well. Without fail I usually have a night of weird dreams or a restless, sleepless night whenever I have started a new job or something comes up at work that has been very frustrating. In some cases I think it's still my subconscious mind still trying to problem solve. The frustration comes from not having enough knowledge yet to apply to those problems. When I've had a particularly stressful day I will often be thinking about it long after I've left work. What happens is that I usually get involved and occupied with something else that kind of pushes work out of my mind before I realize it has happened. So, have activities to come home to. If you come home and just sit down, you will replay your day and revisit your anxieties--guaranteed.

I, personally, don't agree with any kind of medicating for insomnia. If I can't sleep I will get up, check to see if there's anything good on the TV or go to the computer and start reading some of the posts on this forum. Getting involved in a heated exchange here is a great way to focus on something else beside what is going on at work. There's nothing like getting flamed :angryfire to redirect your mind! Then, eventually I'll realize that I'm yawning and I ought to go lay down, and then I'll be able to get some sleep. I can always take a nap the next day. There is no law that says you have to sleep a straight 8 or 10 hours at a shot.

shadowrose81 · Nov 30, 2005

Bipley,

To answer your question: yes, this only started happening after seeing the patients for the first time. It's more stressing over the issue of being able to keep my life "normal" even though I work at the hospital. I know I can do the job of a CNA and make the days of my patients even better with my care. It's just the aftermath that worries me. Can I keep home and work seperate? I feel very encouraged that you think it's just in the beginning. I hope I can come out of this on top. Thank you so much for your encouraging words.

Daytonite,

Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I do realize that I come home and do nothing. I will find a way to fix that immediately so I can be consumed with something else during the hours I'm home.

I really appreciate all of your comments and thoughts. Please pray that I can get through the hardships and continue to do this while still being able to maintain a "normal" life.

I'm glad I have a place to come to. Thank you all! :kiss

christinaquilter · Nov 30, 2005

Hi,

You sound wonderful. Yes, when I started taking care of pts I was INTO them. I wanted to help in anyway i could and I thought about them day and night. Some pts, from those early days, still linger in my mind and the lessons that they taught me. (Wear your seat belt, question your dr, etc.) And still, some pts catch my heart and become very special to me. :redbeathe Sometimes I wonder if I'm in the right field, as the stress and responsiblitly weight heavy on me. I wonder if perhaps your not in the wrong place... the hospital is not a place where you can form long term relationships, have you considered long term care? Whatever you do, you sound like you have a very big heart:redpinkhe and I wish you the best.

Hugs,

Christina

Bipley · Nov 30, 2005

Bipley,
To answer your question: yes, this only started happening after seeing the patients for the first time. It's more stressing over the issue of being able to keep my life "normal" even though I work at the hospital. ...

Yep, I know exactly what you mean.

I have this all figured out. You see, other professions see some of the people some of the time. In medicine we see all the people all the time.

Not everyone goes shopping so retail clerks only see a portion of the available population out there. Not everyone goes to a restaurant so service folks only see a portion of the available population out there. Not everyone owns a car so car guys and auto sales places only see a portion of the available population out there.

But you see in medicine... everyone gets sick and even if they don't want to come to a medical facility, paramedics will bring them anyway so WE see them ALL. We see the good, the bad, and the ugly. People want stories from those in medicine and those in law enforcement. I swear, we see them all unlike ANY other profession. We have stories that others can't begin to light a match to. We see regular, typical, everyday people at their best and at their worst. We see the extremes.

Sounds to me like that is exactly what you have seen. The extremes. You were shocked because you have a big heart and their pain is something you too, experience.

Give it time. Soon you will learn to change the pain you feel to something a little more productive. If anyone tells you they didn't go through the same, they fib.

Hang in there, give it a shot. You might just find that you find a field of work that you dearly love.

Remember, you are ALWAYS going to have stories to tell. You will win at story telling when at a party. That's okay, in medicine we can handle it. You will too. Just give it a shot. Give yourself time to experience the shock and move beyond it. You'll see, in a few more months you'll be back here with your own stories. (HUGS)

kadokin, ASN, RN · Nov 30, 2005

I got hired by the hospital in my area as a CNA. They have training on-site which I have yet to go through. Today, I was placed at the desk and helped the desk lady with her daily activities. I also shadowed some CNAs and helped them do their daily activities as well. I've never been in the healthcare line of work and this is my first time on the scene. My official training is next week, as a side note of information.
Let me say that I've never been so stressed than I am now. At my previous job, I was able to seperate my work from home and go home stressless and in a great mood. Now, after today, I feel nothing but stress and I can't stop thinking about work. I had orientation (new-employee hiring) yesterday and the two previous nights, I couldn't sleep. I had to take sleeping pills.
Let me say, that now, I love people. I want nothing more than to just give each of the patients at the hospital a hug and just tell them everything will be okay. I loved everyone I talked to today; the patient who went to Fuji, the sweet old man who told us about an old 30s movie star, and the stroke patient named Louis who thought she was washing her face by herself, but really just held the wet rag in her hand. I'm on a orthopedic floor which takes a variety of all sorts of patients. I want to help them, just make them smile and make their day.
But how can I live my life after working at the hospital? Does it get better? Can I do this? I need some advice on how to seperate my life from my work. I can't get too consumed or too stressed or I'll just go nuts and have a nervous breakdown. I want to be a nurse. Am I committing myself to a life-time of endless stress? Will I have to take anti-depressants, anxiety and sleeping pills forever? Is this just first day jitters? Will things get better?
Please help me. I cry all the time now. I just want to be myself again. Please help me. I'm desperate.

It DOES get better w/time. And you are not alone. As you can see from the previous posts, this happens to a lot of us. Be patient w/yourself and you will learn to keep work and home seperate w/practice. BTW, if you feel you are suffering from depression, see a psychiatrist/psychologist, NOT a GP.

Dayray, RN · Nov 30, 2005

You will probably be able to balance it out in your mind. At first you'll have a hard time getting over the things you see. After a while you'll wonder if you're a bad person for not getting all broken up over the things you see.

As a nurse or CNA, we care with our actions. I often find myself getting rapped up in my patient's situation and emotional. When that happens I channel that emotion into actions. I figure out what the best thing I can do for my patient is and do it. I don't go home sad because I know that I did something to improve my patients situation (even if only a little). You have to put thing into 2 categories. 1 things you can change and 2 things you can't. Only focus on the things you can change don't worry about the things you can't.

It's good that you feel compassion for your patients. Never allow yourself to stop feeling. At the same time don't allow yourself to feel bad for things you can't control. The things you can control are what you should have feelings about. If you allow yourself to become overburdened with the things you can't control then you are doing a disservice to your patients because you will have to leave nursing. It would be a disservice because they would lose a compassionate care provider and possibly have someone who doesn't care in your stead.

Bipley · Nov 30, 2005

It's good that you feel compassion for your patients. Never allow yourself to stop feeling. At the same time don't allow yourself to feel bad for things you can't control. ...

LOL... and pray tell, just how does one do that? :kiss

All kidding aside, there most certainly are times we cannot tune out what bothers us. I have yet to learn a better method vs. dark humor to deal.

Those who are not in fire fighting, law enforcement, or medicine just don't get it.

Dayray, RN · Nov 30, 2005

LOL... and pray tell, just how does one do that? :kiss
All kidding aside, there most certainly are times we cannot tune out what bothers us. I have yet to learn a better method vs. dark humor to deal.
Those who are not in fire fighting, law enforcement, or medicine just don't get it.

It's kind of funny I had a dinner conversation with my kids earlier tonight about handling emotions. I think the key is deciding on a constructive course of action and taking it. What I told my kids was "our emotions are meant to motivate us to do the right thing. If you're not careful they can send you down the wrong path. So you need to decide what you can change about the situation that will make you feel less angry/sad and direct your energy toward accomplishing that." In fact it's quite the opposite of tuning out but rather fine-tuning.

Still a healthy dose of dark humor can help allot too =P