Hi, all. I'm a Senior nursing student who is currently on Pediatric Clinical Rotation. I love kids. I suppose that's really the problem . Yesterday I heard this really weird sound in the hallway, a screeching sound that didn't even sound human. I really thought it wasn't human, but maybe from a machine. I investigated and found another student holding a tiny baby, and the noise was coming from the baby. I am a mother, and the student was young and kind of perplexed by this tiny, loud being. So I picked her up and held her. The poor thing is on Methadone therapy for her addiction to opiates. I held her for a while, and heard that her mother has been AWOL for a couple of days. The baby is only 22 days old, and spends most of her time in a dim room, being held when someone has time. She opened those beautiful eyes and quit crying, staring intently at me. I talked to her and cuddled her (that was probably my first mistake ) and she just listened and stared in that way babies do. I sat with her in a rocking chair, and in the darkened room I felt so overwhelmed with sadness at the horrible start to life that this kid has. I cried all the way home from clinical. Today the girl caring for her needed a break, and I had no patients assigned, so I was put in charge of the baby again. I took her for a walk around the hospital, and she was so alert and interested. I talked to her the whole time. She began to fall asleep, so I went back to the room. She grabbed my fingers in one hand and kept holding tight while she slept in my arms. Every time I stirred, she jerked awake like she was checking to make sure I was still there. I cried all the way home, again today. How on earth do you Peds nurses who work with these babies do this day in and day out? My heart is so sad, and I can't stop thinking about her....I was a teacher for 12 years, but no kid has ever affected me this way. How do you all handle it?
One hour ago was the last of my peds clinical rotation and I am so thankful that its over. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I have been with adults while they passed away, I have seen horribly tragic things in hospitals dealing with adults and been OK - but this peds stuff - I came home in tears every day except for 5 or so days. It's just too much for me. There was one girl in particular whose story is so heartbreaking for me that I will never, ever forget her and my only regret is that she is not in my home now.
As the mother of a peds patient a while ago I WANT a nurse that is attatched to my child. I want somoeone who cares deeply for my child. I also want someone who cares deeply when something happens to my child.
I know that, as nurses, we want to be "strong" and caring but I can tell you that there is nothing more special than knowing that your child has affected others in their short lives.
My son was in a Pediatric Cardiothoracic ICU for over 9 weeks. When he died the doctors and nurses came to his funeral and sent cards and called and cried with us on the phone. It really made it somehow "better".
That being said, peds rips my heart out as well. But I know that being there and supporting and yes, even crying with a family that has just lost their child is a truly special and unique moment for everyone.
Don't be ashamed of your emotions. That's what makes us human.
Specializes in Pediatric neurosurgery/general pediatric.
What a wonderful thread. How do you keep them from breaking your heart? You don't. You let them break your heart. Give them love while they are in your care. The part that breaks my heart is that I am so busy I can't spend any time with the little angels. I go in and give them meds and care that they need and I am out the door, but they stay in my heart and prayers. I love my job and couldn't do anything else. I always focus my thoughts on the wonderful families and parents I have the priviledge of coming in contact with. The CP kids are a different story. It is true many times the parents are not around. Many times they just need a break, and that will many times make them a better caregiver. To all nursing students who are considering peds and love kids, give it a try if you think you can handle it. You can always choose to do something else if you decide to. I thought I would never make it through that first death of a child, but I did. I think it helps if you have faith in God's bigger plan for the future of everyone. If I didn't have faith in God there would be no possible way I could do this job, but that's just me.
Lots of love to all and love and hold the babies when you have the time!
What a wonderful thread. How do you keep them from breaking your heart? You don't. You let them break your heart. Give them love while they are in your care.
:yeahthat: My thoughts exactly. Although I believe in reincarnation, sort of, so I'm actually less distressed when an infant is severely ill. Something about sick grownups upsets me way, way more. The children I'm able to hold and cuddle and sing to, to ease the way, and hoping they'll get a better deal next time 'round.
There was one girl in particular whose story is so heartbreaking for me that I will never, ever forget her and my only regret is that she is not in my home now.
Yes! Amanda, that's how I feel exactly, even though I know that kids aren't kittens we can drag home (I've got WAY too many of those, but that's ANOTHER story ), but that's EXACTLY how I felt. I already have burned out on one career (teaching) and I really don't want to burn out on another. I have to accept that Peds is my weakness and I have serious limitations emotionally. It really is too bad because I have a knack for 'connecting' with kids of all ages. I do best with those who are 12 and up, though. It's funny, but it wasn't the kids that I couldn't stand as a teacher, it was the rest of the crap I had to deal with. I miss kids, and I'll find some way to work with them again, but it isn't going to be as a peds nurse. I am so glad that peds is a short rotation.
I edited the post just to let you all know how great it's been to talk this over with someone who understands! Love you guys! :redbeathe
There was one girl in particular whose story is so heartbreaking for me that I will never, ever forget her and my only regret is that she is not in my home now.
Amanda
same w/me when i did my peds rotation. i had the same 2 yo girl for 6 weeks; she was a ward of the state because her parents had pulverized her so badly. she was known to be 'difficult', throwing tantrums, rejecting affection- just totally broken in spirit and heart at the tender age of 2. after a couple of weeks with her, she started anticipating me coming. she let me hold her, give her baths and we even laughed together.
i remember by the end of that rotation, me BEGGING my husband for us to adopt her.(she was special needs w/cp and wc) i couldn't believe myself when i heard myself begging-definitely had crossed the line.
so when i graduated nsg school, there was a burn center for children that offered me a job. i was going to take it but it was dh that reminded me that i could never work w/children as i get too involved. so since then, i've stayed away from peds.....unless one of my pts. happens to be a child in need of hospice services.
I was working on a peds unit when my daughter was 10 months old. I had an awful time not taking it all so personally. It was a long term unit in a state facility - lots of birth defects and post drownings. There was a little 3 year who was a ward of the state. My husband and I took her home with us each of my weekends off. She had spina bifida and was smaller than my 10 month old. The sweetest thing, and the most heartbreaking was seeing her drag her little useless feet behind a walker. I have so many pictures of our family with Annie and she was SO loved and we did so much with her. She was one of the brightest spots in my entire life. She went on to be adopted by a loving family (which is rare). That was many many years ago, and I will always be grateful for the experience but will NEVER work peds again!
. Yesterday I heard this really weird sound in the hallway, a screeching sound that didn't even sound human. I really thought it wasn't human, but maybe from a machine. I investigated and found another student holding a tiny baby, and the noise was coming from the baby. I am a mother, and the student was young and kind of perplexed by this tiny, loud being. So I picked her up and held her. The poor thing is on Methadone therapy for her addiction to opiates. I held her for a while, and heard that her mother has been AWOL for a couple of days. The baby is only 22 days old, and spends most of her time in a dim room, being held when someone has time. She opened those beautiful eyes and quit crying, staring intently at me. I talked to her and cuddled her (that was probably my first mistake 
mandana
347 Posts
One hour ago was the last of my peds clinical rotation and I am so thankful that its over. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I have been with adults while they passed away, I have seen horribly tragic things in hospitals dealing with adults and been OK - but this peds stuff - I came home in tears every day except for 5 or so days. It's just too much for me. There was one girl in particular whose story is so heartbreaking for me that I will never, ever forget her and my only regret is that she is not in my home now.
Nope, not going back to peds, never.
Amanda