I'm a newlywed, and neither my husband or I want or have children. We have made a conscious decision to not try to have kids (and use all birth control possible for that). If I did get pregnant by accident, well, neither one of us believe in abortion, so we would have the baby. But we just have no desire for kids.
So daily I am asked by these women I'm helping if I've ever had a child. I always say no. Sometimes that leads to, are you married? yes. Well when do you plan on having a baby? etc
So, this is a little sticky for me. I don't want to come off as someone who is anti-child at all, because I'm not. I love babies. I just don't want to have to be responsible for one for 18+ years, you know? This is so hard for a lot of people to get, even my coworkers. I've been told I'll change my mind now that I'm married, but I don't think so. I want to enjoy my married life, and I can't imagine bringing a child into it.
This is a personal decision, and I'm wondering if anyone else out that has experienced it, and how you deal with these semi strangers wondering why you don't feel differently ("but you work in L&D! did something scare you off from having babies? WHAT HAPPENED?!?!")
And yes, I have seen patients/ family members actually say to childless nurses "what do you know about giving birth"? I have seen it a few times in 7 years of L and D experience. It galls me.
But for the ones who are not polite, sometimes, they need to understand L and D nurses need not experience childbirth themselves to do a darn good job (just ask the MEN among us lol).
Interesting point. There are a LOT of OB docs out there that are men.... why are these folks not telling THEM that THEY can't possibly know what they are doing because they have never given birth? LOL! Heck, they don't even have the same "equipment," so what they hell do THEY know? :wink2: I also wonder do the male nurses and docs get these same questions? I'll bet they don't.... :angryfire
BTW, I DO have a child, and I am VERY glad, but in my pre-nursing profession (Special Ed) I definitely saw plenty of unwanted children. Also, I was VERY good with those kids even BEFORE I had my own child. :thankya:
I had a cute comment from a nurse I got to know well while I was on bedrest in the hospital. She was newly married, and while I knew she actually wanted a baby -- she said that at the end of her shift she already had that "baby fix" taken care of from working in L&D and on the maternity floor. :)
Jennifer
I'm a newlywed, and neither my husband or I want or have children. We have made a conscious decision to not try to have kids (and use all birth control possible for that). If I did get pregnant by accident, well, neither one of us believe in abortion, so we would have the baby. But we just have no desire for kids.
So daily I am asked by these women I'm helping if I've ever had a child. I always say no. Sometimes that leads to, are you married? yes. Well when do you plan on having a baby? etc
So, this is a little sticky for me. I don't want to come off as someone who is anti-child at all, because I'm not. I love babies. I just don't want to have to be responsible for one for 18+ years, you know? This is so hard for a lot of people to get, even my coworkers. I've been told I'll change my mind now that I'm married, but I don't think so. I want to enjoy my married life, and I can't imagine bringing a child into it.
This is a personal decision, and I'm wondering if anyone else out that has experienced it, and how you deal with these semi strangers wondering why you don't feel differently ("but you work in L&D! did something scare you off from having babies? WHAT HAPPENED?!?!")
i definetly don't tell them the truth, that i have always wanted kids and that my husband (whom i have been with since we were 16) has decided that they are too expensive and time consuming ( very similar to HIS mother's thinking but don't get me started on her) so now I don't know what to do. i love him, but the thought of being childless kills me. i think of being 70 years old at christmas all by ourselves because we had no kids. if he doesn't change his mind, i will be forced to leave. Anyway, I don't think the majority of these people are asking to be mean. respond politely with what you deem appropriate. maybe they are just looking to start a conversation to take their mind off of what is going on.
Good idea about not telling the truth (people are so judgemental, and would criticize him if you told them). How old are you guys? How long have you been married? You know we women mature faster than men, so maybe he has time to change his mind. It's unfortunate that you guys differ in this issue, but you both have to to what each of you feel is best. After all, if he doesn't want kids, and you persuade him against his will, it would probably end badly anyway.
A little off-topic, but similar way of thinking (with most people): I am constantly being asked when are we going to buy a house? Like having children, it's just expected. I have no desire to be a home owner, to upkeep a home, lawn and make repairs, and neither does my husband (he is very lazy when it comes to those things). But people just assume everyone has the same American Dream!! And with the price of homes in my area, there is no way I can afford something that neither of us really want. But some people just don't get it.
I'm a newlywed, and neither my husband or I want or have children. We have made a conscious decision to not try to have kids (and use all birth control possible for that). If I did get pregnant by accident, well, neither one of us believe in abortion, so we would have the baby. But we just have no desire for kids.
So daily I am asked by these women I'm helping if I've ever had a child. I always say no. Sometimes that leads to, are you married? yes. Well when do you plan on having a baby? etc
So, this is a little sticky for me. I don't want to come off as someone who is anti-child at all, because I'm not. I love babies. I just don't want to have to be responsible for one for 18+ years, you know? This is so hard for a lot of people to get, even my coworkers. I've been told I'll change my mind now that I'm married, but I don't think so. I want to enjoy my married life, and I can't imagine bringing a child into it.
This is a personal decision, and I'm wondering if anyone else out that has experienced it, and how you deal with these semi strangers wondering why you don't feel differently ("but you work in L&D! did something scare you off from having babies? WHAT HAPPENED?!?!")
Nothing...
people tend to assume that all women want children, that is why
they ask you. instead of saying "never" to the when question, just say
"i don't know" or "not yet". its nobody's business if you don't want kids
but you'll save yourself alot of frustration and further probing if you give
BAtoLPN
26 Posts
Interesting point. There are a LOT of OB docs out there that are men.... why are these folks not telling THEM that THEY can't possibly know what they are doing because they have never given birth? LOL! Heck, they don't even have the same "equipment," so what they hell do THEY know? :wink2: I also wonder do the male nurses and docs get these same questions? I'll bet they don't.... :angryfire
BTW, I DO have a child, and I am VERY glad, but in my pre-nursing profession (Special Ed) I definitely saw plenty of unwanted children. Also, I was VERY good with those kids even BEFORE I had my own child. :thankya: