How to cope? Very Sad.

[NrsLucky]

As I was saying goodnight to a patient of mine as I was getting ready to end my shift Thursday evening and give report to the nurse who was now on duty I asked if there was anything she needed or I could do for her before I go. This patient who is only a few years older than myself looked at me before gazing out the window and asked if I could hold her hand. I of course obliged her request as I have become rather attached to this patient and I am normally very empathetic in general to all my patients which sometimes does cause me issues as it is now at 1:19AM in the morning. She than looked at me with tears streaming down her pale cheeks after I gently held her hands in mine and said (this is as close to word from word as I can recall. Nonetheless these words are seared into my memory even if they are not in the exact order as she shared them with me.) "I am so scared. I am acting like I'm fine for my family but I am so scared. I don't want to die. No matter how bad I try and convince myself that death is not that bad I just can't and don't believe it. I am scared to die. Today was a good day today and I felt fine so it's hard for me to think that I am dying. I don't know if Its going to hurt. I feel like there's so much I am leaving unfinished. I don't want not to be around my family or son. I want to see him grow old. I want to be there for him for his 1st day of school. I feel like there's so much more I need to laugh, smile, love, and just live. I am not ready to leave this world. I know it's selfish but I am just not ready."I was fighting back tears by the end of her emotional outburst and was utterly speechless. She stared at me for a minute and said "Im sorry. You don't have to answer. I just needed to tell someone how I really felt. I'm sorry it was you." I couldn't talks I just hugged her until an Aid interrupted us. I than said my goodbyes and said I would be back tomorrow. She passed away Friday afternoon. I was told 30 minutes before she left us the nurse heard her say what a beautiful day to die. May she rest now with no more pain. x 3 How do I cope? I'm haunted by these words it seems. Any advice would be helpful.

[rn/writer, RN]

I felt as I left the hospital that the one time a patient truly needed me I failed her because instead of being able to comfort her as I believed she wanted me to my words failed me and all I could do was hug her tight and let her cry.

You failed her? Let's check that out. You listened to her and allowed her to put into words things she couldn't say to her family. You helped her to discharge a lot of fears and regrets. You gave her the gift of human touch, which goes straight to the heart. You did not shut her down with phony reassurance and false cheer. You did communicate to her that she mattered to you and that you were sad, not just for her, but also with her. You helped her set down the burdens she could no longer carry so she would be able to travel light.

Even though you didn't cure her ravaged body, it sounds like you helped to heal her wounded spirit . . .

. . . as evidenced by her comment later, "What a beautiful day to die."

The safety and comfort you gave her helped set her free.

Please, allow us to thank you on her behalf. :hug:

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

What a powerful reminder of the impact nurses have on the lives---and deaths---of those we care for.

Honey, you didn't "fail" anyone. I hope the positive reinforcement you're receiving here proves that to you beyond the shadow of a doubt. You were the exact person your patient needed at that moment in time, when life was fading and she knew she couldn't hang on much longer, and you provided exactly what she needed to be able to let go. What an incredible gift you gave her......she was at peace when she died because of you.

Everyone should be fortunate enough to have a nurse like you, especially at the end of life. God bless you. :redbeathe

[jnrRN]

you are an amazing nurse to have listened and comforted this lady when she needed it more than ever.

you are the kind of nurse that i strive to be.