I suffer profound depression and anxiety and compared to the job I just left (a LTC facility that was very toxic, I'll just say) this hospice job is like a dream come true. I'm not religious, either, but agnostic. I had some of the same worries as you, starting out, but have found the job, so far, to be delightful. I know that most of the patients are reaching the end of a long struggle and are ready to move on. The younger ones do make me reflect a lot more and realize how fragile life is, but so far I'm handling it well. We do have a woman on hospice who is my age, so that is a little different. I don't know how it will affect me at the end. Right now she is still hopefull and trying alternative tx, and I'm rooting for her, I hope she gets off hospice, but know it's not likely. I just hope to help help her on her journey whatever the outcome.
Even getting called out in the middle of the night to a death isn't so bad, I turn CoasttoCoast on the radio in my car and go on my merry way. So far, I've not run into anything I was unable to handle. It's a good job. I'm trained as a NP but have not been able to find a NP job, so, desperate for a fresh start, I signed on with this hospice agency. As long as I enjoy it, I'll stay. I don't think it has made my depression worse, maybe the opposite. I'm feeling more satisfied, for sure, because I feel like I'm making a difference.