hospice nurses--personal beliefs in life after death

shrinky · Nov 17, 2008

I think thar 8 years as a Hospice nurse has given me more insight into life after death as a result of being with patients as they go through the journey. The experience is usually quite spiritual unless the person is a non believer and then it can be a struggle. I think the weirdest was a patient who was not one of mine but I attended his death and the son and wife had a strange experience that day with him before he died. The son went into the room and told the patient that it was good to see that he was still with them and the patient stated that he had left yesterday but had to come tell them something. He told the son to get a pen and paper and to write down what he told him. This was on a Friday. So the patient told the son to have the funeral on Sunday at a specific church, what to bury him in and where and where he could find all of the necessary documents. Then he asked the son did he get it all down. The son answered yes and the man died. Anyway I digress. One patient told us as she was dying that H was opening the gates for her. A 96 year old lady told me that she had seen Heaven and the streets were really gold but the angel told her that it was not her time and she needed to tell everyone what she saw and she would come back when it was her time. She lived for several months and died peacefully. There are many more stories but this will have to do for now.:typing

finn11707 · Nov 19, 2008

Shrinky-

That is an amazing discovery I have come upon too...

I once had a woman who led a firm matriarchal household. She was determined to have her daughter at her bedside when she died so that she "might positively influence her to change some things in her life". Well, her body began to lead in decline and she was very close to death. Her family called me to come, aware she was leaving. I bathed her, per their request, as she had been incontinent. While bathing her, I talked softly to her, saying goodbye and affirming that it was okay to leave, though her daughter had not arrived (from across country). To that she moaned from a faraway place "Oh, no!" and came back. She lingered, as if neither dead nor alive, for 3 more days, until her daughter arrived and was at her bedside.

In those final moments, I believe those dying have a choice: whether to go or whether to linger a bit longer...to take care of something, to learn something or teach something, to wait until a particular someone is there or not there...

lantanaRN · Dec 4, 2008

Wow, you'd think there would be more replies to this one. I feel that experiencing the EOL journey with my patients has enhanced my beliefs in life after death tremendously. I have always had a belief in life after death, but now feel that I know for certain that death is merely a new beginning. There are too many stories to tell, but suffice it to say that almost all see someone waiting for them, almost all sense weeks to days ahead of time that it is coming. Many are able to share if the right questions are asked. I do agree with the first poster that the ones who have no belief do seem to have the hardest time and suffer the most agitation towards the end. I also find it interesting that the more I am open to the more I experience, spiritually with these patients.

finn11707 · Dec 4, 2008

Lantana,

Yes, I too am caught off guard by the minimal response to this thread. I believe the work we do in hospice is profound, life-changing for us; challenging us to our core, stretching our beliefs far beyond what they were when we entered the hospice work...IF we are fully open to it.

The stories and moments are amazing. Yes, it is deeper and more eye opening the further I am able to open myself to those spiritual moments, too.

I was raised with a certain, religious based belief set regarding life after death. My beliefs have changed dramatically to align with the belief that dying is a transition to life beyond. Even those who do not believe in a religion based life after death, often comment on the "attending" of others...family, friends, unknown- bright apparitions who keep company with them and wait to cross with them.

I have a theory too about signals patients give us just before turning. If well attuned and open to journeying with them, it can have a significant effect for both us and them. Almost making us feel as if it really isn't "us" and "them" as we are carried with them briefly into that expanding conscious awareness. I have attended a few intense and meaningful journeys with patients who then have subtly indicated that it is my time to step back and let them journey on alone, as it must be. Just today, I asked a man if he would still be here when I return to work after my day off. He said somberly "I don't know"...then with a twinkle in his eye, "but if you come to see me, I will wait and you can go with me." ...I heard, so thanked him and told him what an honor it has been to journey this far with him, and told him I would be back on Friday to see him off. I have had several patients ask me, looking deeply into my eyes, "how are you?" at my last visit with them. It is a signal for me to say goodbye.

I am always excited to share the stories. I believe it is the way we honor the sacredness of the work we do. I know that when I cross I will recognize many there to help me.

While not certain of all the details...whether we get another form, body; are transported to another plane, heaven or hover , I know that the soul's energy is released at the time of the body's death. It does not die. And the dying possess a capacity to see far beyond what the living see into something immense, kind and loving.

Whispera, MSN, RN · Dec 5, 2008

Way back when I was a student, a patient died while I was bathing him. I felt his spirit whoosh through my hands toward the ceiling. I'll never forget it. I told the nurses about it, and several said they've had the experience too. It was a huge blessing!

leslie :-D · Dec 6, 2008

finn, i can only speak for myself.

but when you say you are surprised about the minimal response to our experiences with crossing over, i personally am humbled to a state of reverent silence.

my experiences are incredibly awe-inspiring, to a point of rendering me speechless.

even if my experiences are similar from pt to pt, ea still remains uniquely profound and sacred to me.

and so, i choose to keep them personal, often reflecting the intimacy of the journey they have shared with me.

it's important that i continue to honor that and them...

even in its anonymity.

just as important, the spiritual aspects of my care, truly leave me at a loss for words.

even if i wanted to share, i do not even know where or how to begin.

i can always sense the energy and spirit, but am at a loss should i ever try to express myself.

but yes, i have seen and felt the whoosh, the cold, the breeze...however it manifests itself.

it is amazingly palpable...all of it.

i very much understand what you people speak of.

and to this day, it leaves me breathless as well as speechless.

leslie

finn11707 · Dec 7, 2008

earle58---

Thank you for helping me to understand the silence. I wonder how many others there are who feel "humbled to reverent silence"?

Yes, the journeys we accompany are often awe inspiring. It is sad our western culture does not provide us with transition traditions or folklore...food for our spiritual development and preparation for separation of our body and spirit in the dying process we all arrive at one day. I believe it may be up to us, as the ones attending the dying, to help ease the anxiety that surrounds dying. I believe it can honor our work and those we serve. Through the discreet sharing of stories that are awe inspiring, we may re frame death for many, removing fear by revealing aspects of transition gifts.

traumamom2002 · Dec 13, 2008

I am just coming back to this forum after a long break; I've been doing hospice nursing for two years and loving the field of palliative nursing for longer than that.

I have to say that I completely agree with the above posts; the passing of each and every patient is so special, so sacred and so incredible that you can't properly articulate with the rest of the world in order to give it's proper honor.

Some times I am so overcome with grief that I can't even speak about the death so I write about them; I eventually will have enough that I will publish a book. While I've been in graduate school, a fellow student in Florida has asked if I would co-author with him. I'm actually considering it.

What a privilege and honor we have each day as we serve this population of patient and family; there are days when I want to shriek with frustration and pull my hair out but most of the time, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Thanks for such a great thread - I too understand the need to talk but also to keep private.

mackie0601 · Mar 16, 2009

Perhaps I am a little late with my comments however, as a hospice nurse for 6 years, I can tell many, many stories about my introduction to and/or my reinforcement in the belief of life after death. As a sidebar, I am not a religious fanatic, a preacher or a self proclaimed -------(fill in the blanks.)

I am a Hospice Nurse.

The experience that stands out most in my mind is about a 40 year old professional man, in our very rural area , with AIDs. He was agnostic by faith and held steadfast to that belief throughout his decline. Often times he enaged the hospice RNs, LPNs, SWs and HHAs in intellegent conversations and debates about God, life after death and religion. All the while never wavering from his convictions.

However in the days before his death, when he became bedfast, his HHA ask if he would allow her to sing a few songs while she provided personal care. He agreed, as he had a great love, respect and affection for her. But, asked that she "not get too religious" and continue to respect his beliefs.

The HHA sang "Jesus Loves Me" and some other soothing hymns, while bathing him as he was bedfast in the last days of his life. During the last few minutes of his life (as his family was traveling from out of state to be with him)- he said to the HHA:

"Do you see them???"

"Who?"

"The angels...They are here for me! I have to go now."

"She said "No, D. I don't see them. You need to wait your mom and dad will be here very soon!"

He said "Tell them I can't wait.." She said "Who D? Who should I tell?" He said "tell my family the angels came for me and I could not wait."

COLD CHILLS COLD CHILLS COLD CHILLS.

tencat · Mar 17, 2009

The journey is pretty amazing, and it seems that words can't really adequately describe what we see and experience as hospice nurses. It's a pretty awesome responsibility and priviledge to be with someone when they are making the journey toward death. Has it changed my outlook? Yeah. There is something out there past life. What it is, I don't know. Words just don't describe the whole experience to be able to do it justice.

pinkdolphin · Mar 19, 2009

Hi All-

I just wanted to thank everyone who has shared these very personal stories. I am an outsider but am currently the caretaker for my father who is dying of cancer. I have to tell you I found this site totally by accident, but it has helped me beyond words. Leslie, I have read and reread the post "managing symptoms for a good death" and the insight you and Michael have is overwelming! My dad has been on hospice for a couple months, and is doing well for now. I just want to let you know that you have given me such comfort with your words.

THANK YOU!