Help with "team player" skills - sarcastic new nurse needs a clue by four

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I will admit that I often say things that involve me inserting foot in mouth, things that wouldn't even fly by on the radar with my friends but that can be easily mis-interpreted in the workplace as lazy behaviors or me unwilling to lift a finger even though that couldn't be farther from the truth. I've been called out by my nurse manager and given a verbal write up about my customer service/peer interaction skills and I'm ashamed. I've been provided with situations that were evidence of my lack of ability/willingness to work as a team and I've rationalized each situation in my head as either lack of common sense (brain fart) on my part or a difference in personal judgment (assuming that if a person is going in the med room that they're drawing up a med, even if it's on my patient in a crisis situation, because I was making sure the order was in the computer). My nurse manager says I've shown improvement and definitely thinks that it's something I can work on but it seems to me like these things just "happen" and I learn after the fact that it's something that I shouldn't have said or done. I'm not always sarcastic and I think it's a coping skill that I've learned to use if I feel uncomfortable with a situation or unsure or what to do. I don't want to get fired over this and I know I need to work on my personality and peer skills for the workplace and the real world.

Has anyone else been in this situation? I'm not seeking support for my actions, just understanding and advice on a better way to channel my lack of confidence at times. I'm good at asking questions, but I'm coming to realize that people would rather hear someone taking initiative than to be asked "Can I do anything for you?" without putting the piece together on their own.

Specializes in General adult inpatient psychiatry.
I think it just comes from a lack of confidence. I used to do that when I was new - I am smart and I want my coworkers to know it, darnit! Unfortunately, it often comes off as arrogant to people who don't know you well. I still struggle with it when I'm in new situations. The fact that you can recognize it is good. Like others said, trying to get into the habit of counting to ten before opening your mouth is a good suggestion.

When you're a new nurse, it's hard to admit that you don't know it all. As a more experienced nurse, I find it much easier to ask for help and say "hey, I don't know that answer."

As you become more skilled and confident in your abilities, it will probably get better.

Thanks. I just worry that I ask questions too much. There's still so much more to learn and while I tend to relish in learning/teachable moments, I feel like a burden to those around me.

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.
Thanks. I just worry that I ask questions too much. There's still so much more to learn and while I tend to relish in learning/teachable moments, I feel like a burden to those around me.

Please don't worry about asking too many questions but do remember to be open to the answers and try to give some consideration to their feedback even if you don't think it is correct. The "little sister that I never wanted" comment sounds kind of cute to me and would be something I would say in a joking but friendly manner so hopefully that nurse really does have a soft spot for you. Kudos to you for trying to figure things out and be a contributing team member.

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Specializes in General adult inpatient psychiatry.
Please don't worry about asking too many questions but do remember to be open to the answers and try to give some consideration to their feedback even if you don't think it is correct. The "little sister that I never wanted" comment sounds kind of cute to me and would be something I would say in a joking but friendly manner so hopefully that nurse really does have a soft spot for you. Kudos to you for trying to figure things out and be a contributing team member.

The "little sister I never wanted" is always said in such a joking/sarcastic way that I feel like I'm imagining friendships or relationships with my co-workers that aren't really there. I do feel like if she really had a problem with me, there'd be a worse name she could call me, right?

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.
The "little sister I never wanted" is always said in such a joking/sarcastic way that I feel like I'm imagining friendships or relationships with my co-workers that aren't really there. I do feel like if she really had a problem with me, there'd be a worse name she could call me, right?

Can only speak for myself, who btw can also use some of the hints offered in this thread for keeping my big trap shut, but I rarely joke around with the few people I have a low tolerance for. The little sister statement itself is kind of sarcastic or maybe ironic in the wording so that might be where you are getting that feeling but again if I said it to you it would be in a joking but friendly manner. Either way I'd be friendly in return and remember that relationships are ebb and flow so someone you don't do well with today might not be so bad tomorrow.

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Specializes in General adult inpatient psychiatry.
Can only speak for myself, who btw can also use some of the hints offered in this thread for keeping my big trap shut, but I rarely joke around with the few people I have a low tolerance for. The little sister statement itself is kind of sarcastic or maybe ironic in the wording so that might be where you are getting that feeling but again if I said it to you it would be in a joking but friendly manner. Either way I'd be friendly in return and remember that relationships are ebb and flow so someone you don't do well with today might not be so bad tomorrow.

That's definitely what you said about the fact that relationships ebb and flow. I'll keep that in mind and just keep a closer eye on my surroundings and my interactions with others.

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To OP:

Learned behavior can become un-learned. It can take time but a concentrated, serious effort is needed.

otessa

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You said it all. I think because I work with these same colleagues day in and day out, I don't necessarily wear my "professional/co-worker" hat as much as I should. I definitely get what you say about not being the popular nurse too - all of my co-workers are at least 10 years my senior and it's hard because I want to fit in with them. Thanks for the support. I will continue to focus on the positives and work with my NM to make sure that things continue to improve.

Find out what makes these other nurses tick-focus on their positives and they'll probably focus on yours as well. Don't try too hard to be their friend though or you may seem needy-been there-both sides.

otessa

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Specializes in ER, ICU, Education.

Just the fact that you are trying to improve is a great thing. It's hard not to feel insecure when new and deflect that with humor.

Good advice has already been given, just wanted to say that I would rather work any day with someone who has a lot to learn and admits it than someone who refuses to admit to any wrong or ever make any changes. You seem to be solidly in the first group. Just keep working to be your best self. Not everyone will accept that, but that's ok too. You will find good friends who see you are trying.

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Specializes in General adult inpatient psychiatry.
Just the fact that you are trying to improve is a great thing. It's hard not to feel insecure when new and deflect that with humor.

Good advice has already been given, just wanted to say that I would rather work any day with someone who has a lot to learn and admits it than someone who refuses to admit to any wrong or ever make any changes. You seem to be solidly in the first group. Just keep working to be your best self. Not everyone will accept that, but that's ok too. You will find good friends who see you are trying.

Thanks for your support. I hope to find friends here on my unit but I will say that it can be a bit of a toxic place sometimes, between under staffing, high acuity, and travel nurses in and out. I'll keep admitting what I don't know and hope that I get answers from the right people. :)

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Specializes in General adult inpatient psychiatry.
To OP:

Learned behavior can become un-learned. It can take time but a concentrated, serious effort is needed.

otessa

Thanks. It's just hard to figure out where to start on my own. There have been some great comments here that I'm definitely going to take to heart.

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Specializes in General adult inpatient psychiatry.
Find out what makes these other nurses tick-focus on their positives and they'll probably focus on yours as well. Don't try too hard to be their friend though or you may seem needy-been there-both sides.

otessa

I never even thought of that but that makes a lot of sense. I do work with a strong group of nurses and I think they'd respond well to that.

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