Help! I HATE my new job

Pediatric Critical Care Columnist · Sep 7, 2008

I had a similar experience so I know how you feel. It's almost like saying that because you didn't learn a skill THERE that you can't possibly have that skill. Or that your doing things correctly but in a slightly different manner than what is taught there means that you're doing it wrong. Many of the long-term staff in my unit have never worked anywhere else and so they believe that their way is THE way. It's hard to counteract that.

An example from my experience: Baxter InterLink. Where I worked before (six years ago already) we had been completely needle-less for two years when I left. We had a rep from Baxter come and do inservices on every item in their catalogue and they were done on every shift for two weeks so that no one was missed. We were comfortable using them and they were integrated into our practice quite easily. Then I came here where they were still using needles for everything! Peripheral IVs that were saline locked had dead-enders on them. Stopcocks for central and arterial lines had dead enders on them. And InterLink parts, although found on our supply carts, were verboten because they introduced iar into the lines... When I pointed out that it was the user-product interface that caused the problem and not the product itself, you'd have thought I was a heretic! "You do realize that you have to prime the injection ports/blunt cannulas/blue connectors with fluid before you put them on the line, right?" "What??" Well guess what. We're still using dead-enders for everything and there's no point in my putting InterLink injection ports on my lines because I'll come back the next day and they'll have been replaced with dead-enders.

Anyway, back to your situation. The policy and procedure and parenteral drug manuals in your new place can be your best friend. If there are things you know you're doing right but are being told you're doing wrong, look it up, don't contradict the naysayer and just carry on with what you know you're doing right. If someone remarks that you're doing it wrong, you can then say, "Well, actually according to this hospital's policy, I'm doing it correctly. I can show you the policy if you like." Another thing you can try is to be frank with your preceptor and tell her diplomatically that you don't need her to teach you basic critical care skills, you need her to teach you how to fit into your new environment. She can help you learn the documentation standards, where things are kept, the usual methods for communicating with other disciplines, roles and responsibilities in that unit, tips for smoother admissions and transfers and that sort of thing, but you already know how to care for sick kids.

One thing I did was to be very cheerful and friendly to everybody, no matter how badly they had treated me or how little I could stand their presence in my world. (I still do that with certain people, who have no idea how I really feel and they think we're friends!) It keeps them a little off balance. When you hear them talking about personal things, file away little details, like "Joan's son plays basketball", and then find a way to introduce it in conversation the next time you find yourself in the same area of the unit as Joan. "I heard you say that your son plays basketball. What position does he play?" You get the gist. You aren't going to be the new girl forever, but don't wait for them to come to you.

Do you work with the same people all the time, or is it like in our unit where you never know who's going to be there until they get there? If you're always with the same group, you should be able to pick out the Queen Bees, the worker bees and the drones pretty easily after awhile. Be freindly but detached with the Queen Bees, try to find a couple of worker bees who share some of your interests and be friendly to them, and always recognize the drones for their contributions. After awhile, you'll know who you can ask questions of and who you can't, who will come help you when you need it and who won't and who you can trust and who you shouldn't. If it's a free-for-all like at our place, then obviously none of that will work in the short term and it will be harder.

Rotating days and nights can actually be advantageous. Nights tend to be quieter simply because there are fewer people around. It's then that you might find yourslef chatting with someone nearby and feeling more included. Offer to help with baths and you might be pleasantly surprised. It will take you some time to get into a routine, though.

Please don't pack it in, at least not yet. Like you said, the kids need someone who knows what they're doing and someone who has some compassion. Give it some more time. And check back so we know how it's going.

AirforceRN, RN · Sep 7, 2008

My advice....obviously you can take it or leave it...

Find another job, one that you'll enjoy. Once its secured quit your old job. That way your husband won't freak out and you'll be happy. Even if requires a sacrifice in pay or distance...personally, I would rather wake up every morning to a $50 000 job and smile than a $75 000 job and want to drive my car into a wall.

gal220RN, BSN, RN · Sep 8, 2008

Oh Jan- you are so wonderful and have an amazing capacity to do the right thing- I can hear the kindness flowing out of you.

I am already out of orientation (4 weeks), so there has not been lots of time for details. But your example about using Interlinks are right on. We use manifolds for everything- we stock y-sites but no one uses them. I asked why and the response I got was- "this is they way we just do it." We use pressure caps on all our lines, a very antiquated item that was found to increase BSI. Could I bring this up? No!!!

I have tried kindness, but it is met with blank stares of disdain. The night group is definitely more cliquish than days. Oddly enough, it is not the nurses who have been there for 30 years that are the problem. It is the ones who 5-7 years out that are the most difficult. I know I have withdrawn to some degree, because I am tired of trying. This isn't an excuse- I need to take the high-road. But I am drawing from an empty well and I don't have the emotional resources to make such efforts.

I know I need to give it time, but the thought of entering those doors again makes me want to vomit and cry at the same time.

Sorry for the pity party. Thanks for listening.

Pediatric Critical Care Columnist · Sep 8, 2008

Okay, let's step back and look at this objectively for a second. You've moved to a new house in a new city. Your social safety net has a huge hole in it. You've probably had some financial issues related to the move that are short-term, but still a problem. You and your husband have both changed jobs. You've gone from working days only to rotating days and nights. You're probably too busy getting settled to really do any of the things that usually bring you comfort or pleasure. Your score on the Social Readjustment Rating Scale is in the middle range where you're at moderate risk of becoming ill from stressful situations in your life. How are you supposed to feel? It's impossible to adjust to so many changes quickly and cleanly.

When we moved here six years ago, there were nights when I sat at the computer in the dark family room playing solitaire so that my crying wouldn't wake my husband. I was the one who initiated our move and I found myself unable to sleep or eat worrying if I'd done the right thing. And it lasted for months. Somebody told me that I had to fake it until I made it, and that's what I did. I gritted my teeth and went to work. It took a good six months before I felt like people trusted me and weren't watching my every move. I killed 'em with kindness and kept them guessing even when I wanted to crawl into a hole and pull it in after me, and eventually even the nastiest of them (the night crew... of course!) has started treating me like I belong. There are some who still just barely tolerate me, but I don't let that bug me... because the feeling is mutual.

Your comment about the cohort that is the most difficult resonates with me. And the reason I think that group is the one that behaves that way is that they're not totally confident of their own judgment, skills and abilities but think they should be. So they see anyone with more knowledge or stronger skills as a threat. And what do we do when we feel threatened? We strike out at the perceived threat. (It's not mature behaviour, but it is what it is.) That's what you're representing to them right now and they don't know how else to react. (We had a unit manager who was just that way. Anyone who questioned a decision she made or offered suggestions on how to handle a situation ended up in the office with the patient care manager. Several people quit before she finally saw what she was doing and quit herself.) So what do you do? You wait for an opportunity to ask them for help or advice on things specific to your new unit. There will be something you can allow them to teach you that will help them see you as less of a threat and more of another person just wanting to be part of the group. Once you click with someone in that cohort it gets easier.

Only you will be able to decide how much you can take and how far you're willing to go. But you already know that you will always find support here. Try taking things one day at a time. It's 12 hours... you can do anything for 12 hours. Right? Deep breath, in through your nose and out through your mouth. Now do it again. You're smart, your tough and you love your work. (Not your job, your work.) You can do this.

PICNICRN, BSN, RN · Sep 9, 2008

OOOOOOhhhhhhh Gal220RN.... I'm so sorry you are having these issues! Ya know, I worked on the same unit for 6 years and then moved to 3 different cities over the next 7 years. I had the same problems you are having over and over again! I'm not really sure why, as nurses, we do this to our peers. I feel like, Jan had mentioned, that a lot of the attitude comes out of insecurity. I mean, I never walked onto a unit with a know it all attitude(as I'm sure you did not either) and I am always very careful about saying things like "why do you do it that way" or "I'm used to doing it this way"- you know the type, I'm sure you've worked with those types! It seems that you must always "prove yourself" when you start some place new. I am going through orientation right now on my newest job and I keep telling myself "you can do it your way when this orientation is over"! UUUGGGG! It is so painful....I have this skills checklist that I must have signed off before my third month of employment with tasks like placing an NG, starting an IV, drawing periph. blood cultures--- are you kidding me!!! I've been doing this for over a decade and you must watch me place this NG! :banghead: Not to mention.... why do these vented kids all have NGs anyway???? Ever heard of a VAP protocol.......... but I digress!!! But, I will just keep my mouth shut and motor on- at least they are not mean to me! I too, have noticed who the queen bees are- the ones eating and visiting at the desk while others are running their butts off! At least I know which ones to watch out for. :eek:

Ok, I started this post to offer you some encouragement and then I just went off on a tangent of my own! Sorry:chuckle If it makes you feel any better, you have a "friend" going through the same thing! Please keep us posted on how things progress for you and if you need a good vent---- I'm always here!

vamedic4, EMT-P · Sep 10, 2008

gal220RN,

I'm so very sorry you're having these issues with your coworkers. Jan's advice is wonderful and useful, as usual. I agree with Jan et al that say part of the attitude is due to feeling unsure about themselves and the care they provide.

It's so unfortunate that adults can't act like children. What I mean is this: working in peds for as many years as I have I see kids walk up to others all the time and say: "Hi, i'm so and so, want to play?" Why some adults can't do this is beyond me completely.

Why we can't all get along and help one another out is ridiculous, and I find it not surprising at all that what you're going through is one of the reasons people leave nursing entirely.

Do your best, perhaps one day the naysayers will see the error of their ways. It might only take one of them to wake up from their elitist cloud and say "hey, she's really not that bad at all."

Best of luck to you. No one deserves to be treated like that.

vamedic4

gal220RN, BSN, RN · Sep 15, 2008

Hi everyone:

Sorry it has taken me so long to get back- I have been too busy having a nervous breakdown.

I love your comments and encouragement. It is so amazing how much support you can get from a bunch of strangers- only you are not strangers, you are nurses!

I wish I had better news to report. I have gone another 2 night shifts with a sum total of 3 people interacting with me (including the charge nurse who came to get report).

I have come to the point of no return. I don't think there is one thing that could be done to make me stay there- not more money, not day shift, not a cruise to the Caribbean. Jan, you mentioned a scale measuring relocating stress- I am off the chart. Not to be gross, but my periods won't stop. My memory and level of distraction is unprecedented. I am crying- all the time. THIS IS NOT ME! I don't do these things. I am almost afraid I am coming apart at the seams.

About to call my mgr for a meeting- just can't quite press the send button yet. I feel like my career will end if I do. However, the thought of entering that unit one more time- I just can't do it.....

Thanks for listening. This too shall pass.

Pediatric Critical Care Columnist · Sep 15, 2008

Have your meeting. It may not fix anything, except that you'll have had a chance to tell someone with some authority and some connection to the situation what's going on and how it's making you feel. You may or may not feel better after, but it will be off your chest. Your manager may be able to offer some insight into the unit's culture, or maybe some suggestions for how to overcome the standoffishness of your coworkers. At the very least you should get some reassurance that your career isn't over. Because it isn't. It's just taking a different route. Deep breath. Shoulders back. Call your manager now.

PICNICRN, BSN, RN · Sep 16, 2008

Oh boy, sending you my hugs! You need to have this meeting for your own piece of mind. Like Jan said, maybe your NM can offer you some insight on the "culture"of this unit. Or maybe you simply cannot work there- I mean you cannot make your self sick over going to a job! It is such a shame you are going through this!! I don't know.... is there another PICU nearby?? Are you interested in doing something different? I hate to see you give up something you love because of a bunch of jerks!

You must make a decision based on what is best for you and your well being. Please keep us posted----- I'll be thinking about you!

JourneyCC · Sep 17, 2008

Ughhh, I so feel your pain. I just moved to a new state in new hospital that is supposed to be "all that"......and I just hate it. I've been there 2 months and am already thinking about other jobs. I just have no time for looking right now. I hate going into work too I also feel like I'm committing career suicide if I leave after 90 days or so. My last job was just so awesome....I'm afraid I won't find anything like it here locally where we live now. Anyway, I just wanted you to know, you are not alone.

Journey

gal220RN, BSN, RN · Sep 25, 2008

Update on my post:

As I am sitting here typing my update, I have come to realize my new career is as a Barista at Starbucks! What a happy job that would be!

Nothing new to report, just more of the same, more isolation. I have emotinally left this place, showing up in body and mind only. I'm sure it shows, I no longer care about anything more than making sure my patients are safe, cared for and getting through my 12 hours.

Thanks for all the kind words. I really appreciate this forum, but also find it so sad how many of us have toxic work environments. Tragic.