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Help with essay

Needing help with an essay

Rose_Queen, BSN, MSN, RN

Has 15 years experience. Specializes in OR, education.

That is nowhere near enough information for anyone to attempt to provide help. What kind of essay? What part are you stuck on? Please provide some specifics.

roser13, ASN, RN

Has 17 years experience. Specializes in Med/Surg, Ortho, ASC.

Needing help with an essay

What kind of essay? Are you supposed to write this essay? If so, why are you having issues writing it?

Can anyone look at my essay and tell me if its good or needs work?

When I was 12 years old I developed a cataract in one of my eyes and it caused my eye to turn blueish gray. I was teased and bullied at school because of this. One day after lunch the school nurse noticed me crying in the hallway and asked "What's the matter sweetie?" I told her that kids were teasing me because of my eye and calling me names so she took me to her office. She sat me near her desk and told me that I was beautiful and that my eye did not define who I was or who I would turn out to be. From that day forward she checked in on me everyday and allowed me to eat my lunch with her in her office. She let me play with her stethoscope and showed me how to use a thermometer. I admired her and enjoyed being with her everyday. She became a role model to me during a hard time in my life and she encouraged me everyday to hold my head high. I had cataract surgery and missed a ton of school for different procedures and she would always send me get well cards and put cute little nursing stickers inside them. I will never forget the impact she had on my life. At 12 years old I knew that I wanted to be a nurse because I developed a true passion for caring for others just as much as Nurse Beth cared for me. I want to be for others what she was for me during a rough patch in my life.

My ultimate goal is to earn my BSN. I desire to one day work as a Labor & Delivery Nurse or in the Postpartum unit in a Birth Center. My passion and drive to improve the lives of others will help me in becoming a great nurse.

traumaRUs, MSN, APRN, CNS

Has 27 years experience. Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

Moved to nursing student assistance

nursej22, MSN, RN

Has 30 years experience. Specializes in med/surg,CV.

I think your essay is quite nice. There are a few things I think you could do to polish it , a little.

Allnurses does not allow indenting, so I cannot tell if there are paragraphs, but I highly encourage them. Each paragraph should be one thought.

I would advise introducing Nurse Beth's name sooner in order to help establish a connection between her and the reader.

Consider adding something to transition from a school nurse to a labor and delivery nurse. Otherwise, it is hard to see how the school nurse inspired you to into an entirely different specialty.

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