help with difficlt family member!

Batman24 · Oct 7, 2008

You can politely and firmly tell them you are seeing to the needs of another patient in your care and that you will be in to see her hubby when you finish.

If she tries to follow you into another patient's room be sure to stop her in her tracks and tell her is violating their right to privacy and to step out. Period.

locolorenzo22, BSN, RN · Oct 7, 2008

Simply explaining that you are responsible for more than one patient, and that you will be back in to see her husband as time permits. If he needs a blanket, or something she can easily get herself...I would get said blanket, hand it to her, and say "ok, I'll be back in a little while". When families come hunt you down, you have to be friendly, but firm.

good luck with that!

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Oct 7, 2008

oh, yes, makes you scratch your head and wonder which one is the patient.

i worked for a hospital that catered to very wealthy clients. i'm talking about celebrities and very, very wealthy people. we couldn't ignore something like that happening and you don't just dismiss any concerned family member by "setting boundaries" because their next trip was to the administrator's office to complain and your next sit down was to be chastised for the way you treated a guest.

this goes to the customer service part of the job. you'll hear a lot of people get upset when this gets mentioned. eyes roll. put yourself in their shoes. when someone you do not know is making a lot of requests or complaints, something is not right. until you have all the facts (assessment) it is best not to ignore them. people act out and will demand attention for a lot of reasons. some are passive-aggressive. perhaps this wife was afraid for her husband to be alone. perhaps she hadn't gotten the answers she had been hoping for from the doctors. one thing i learned in my career, however, was that i would have taken the time to have stood and talked with her a little to find out what she was concerned about. every time i went past that room i would have poked my head in there and asked her how she and the patient were doing and could i do something for them while i was there. i would have developed a rapport with her specifically. dimes to donuts i would find out before discharge that something was going on that she wasn't revealing and it probably had to do with a previous bad experience or just her anxiety about what they were going through. she just can't articulate it, but her actions are screaming it. communication also has nonverbal components.

kindness and compassion works both ways. if you ignore these people and decide you are going to stop their behavior by telling them, "respect my job, i have other patients to take care of", you generally create more trouble for yourself. i've seen some families cause a lot of trouble for nurses they took a real dislike to because they tried to impose rules on them instead of trying to be a little understanding. remember, we are trained to be problem solvers. sometimes that means thinking outside the box. this kind of situation is exactly where that is called for.

one of my mentors once said to me, "what if that was jesus doing that?" substitute anyone else's name you like. then how would you react?

mama_d, BSN, RN · Oct 7, 2008

I have a very low tolerance for those kinds of family members. I once had one hunt me down, to the point that she checked the board to see my assignment and proceeded to check my other rooms for me, ultimately walking in on me straight cathing a male patient to tell me her husband needed fresh ice water...didn't even knock! Talk about privacy invasion! I was livid. We ended up having risk management get involved with her, since she took her "nurse hunting" to such extremes.

I try to gently and politely inform such people that I have other patients to attend to for a little while, and then I will gladly be back to check on their family member. I also suggest using the call light system for their requests. I have even gone so far as to say to people "I'm sorry, I'm in the middle of passing my medications, and I know you take such good care of your husband that you realize how important medication deliverly in a timely manner is. I'll make Mr. Jones my first priority when I'm done." Sometimes they just need some reassurance..."It must be so hard for you to see your husband being cared for by strangers, since it's clear that you're so involved in his care at home. I can't come in just this second, but I'll be back in his room shortly; why don't you rest your feet and think of what you need to make both of you more comfortable and when I come in I'll see what I can do to help out." Sometimes they just need a little extra attention..."Sometimes it's so difficult to have someone you care for so much in someone else's hands. Would you like pastoral care to come by and chat with the two of you, it might make your husband feel better." Or some such. I try to give 'em a little honey when possible before turning vinegary.

Then again, sometimes you just know you've gotta have the charge nurse go in and deal with the situation.