Hello? Is there anyone in my situation?

dmnddivax2 · May 3, 2011

Unfortunately, there is no easy out to your situation. And I can assure the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence...it only looks that way thru the wires. Only you can decide what will work for your family. You have great insight into the present dynamics that are occurring in your marital relationship, and are fortunate in that your husband has the ability to make a dollar stretch! Your children are young enough not to require expensive items like phones, cars, computers right now. What they require the most is your nurturing, love, and teaching. Clinicals are hard yes, but you will survive! You can work a full-time job, be a good wife, mother, and student all at the same time. You have that God given ability because you are a woman.

I am not in your situation at the present time, but was there at one point in my life. No matter what the world tries to tell about material stuff...it's a lie.

Look to your faith for strength, look to your husband for what he offers you, look to your children for joy, and mostly to thine own self be true.

windmill182 · May 3, 2011

I would save, save, save. Even if you have to put school off for a year or two to save money to help pay for everything.

OBplease · May 3, 2011

The previous poster gave some good advice. I'm not in your exact same situation, as I don't have to work. I do, however, have 5 children, 1 of which is extremely high maintainence. School knows how to handle his needs but daycare is not obligated to and I'm sure that is going to be an issue if I decided to do one of the programs I'm applying for because it will require day care for the summer. I have no support system and though my husband is pretty successful he is very laid back and doesn't give much consideration to the enormity of things that don't pertain to him, so he is not usually prepared and is very forgetful. My family (and inlaws) think all is great and live within a couple of miles but feel no need to help out (or really even visit) and never have. I live in a secluded area where a lot of resources are not available and I wish to move but my husband doesn't really see the need for it.

I really have no good advice on how to handle others in your life. For me I finally came to the conclusion that I would have to pretty much do it alone and I had waited long enough. It finally came to the point where it's worth it to me to take the chance. My husband is willing to take the high maintainence child if there is an issue but his patience will wear thin on that, so I can only hope it doesn't happen too much if I go with that school, with is my current school and the one I really want to do. Like my girlfriend said, day care is reliable, the others in your life are not. I'm going to try to take care of as much work as I can while it affects no one else. That means utilizing breaks, etc. It will all be worth it in the end. Part of the reason I decided to go for it now is because I realize I really can't depend on anyone else. It's sad but the truth.

I wish you the best. You can do it.

CharcoalPepper · May 3, 2011

Dear LaToya,

:yeah: Yeah for you and all your hard work! It will be hard but YOU CAN DO IT. If you are able to keep up with the school work now, while taking care of your family, you are already half way there. If possible, try to take all the non-nursing classes (ENG101 etc) that are required for the nursing program, not just the prerequisites (A&P, micro). Doing that will make your load lighter when you are actually taking the nursing classes with the clinicals.

I too am a mom who has had young children. I have been able to finish a pre-marriage BS and then be in nursing school. I just continued taking classes each semester and chipped away to get closer to the goal. It has been a lot of hard work and many nights on just a few hours of sleep. There are many moms in nursing school that are making it work for them, while also having to work full time jobs. It is a rough road to travel but you will find many people along the way who are going through the same experience.

Stay positive and keep your goal in focus. Stay away from the negative people who will make the journey that much harder . It amazes me how many fellow students want to bi**h and complain about every little thing. When you are between semesters go to the library (or read while in the bookstore) a NCLEX review book to learn how to take a nursing test. If you can get the hang of taking the test you will get rid of some stress once you are in the program. I have always been an A student and was very stressed when I received a C on my very first nursing exam :eek: .

While I was working very hard to get good grades I made time to take care of my children, my husband and myself. I wanted to reach my goal and not loose what I already had. No marriage is perfect, they all require work and if they are neglected they will fall apart. :twocents:

Good luck to you on your journey:nurse:.

toyanzerb · May 3, 2011

Thanks to everyone and the only classes i have left to take are micro and a &p 2 and then my plan is to start a cna class while I wait for registration to begin for nursing clinical, hopefully I can start to work in a hospital, nursing home or private duty and they will be lenient with my hours because I'm a student( has anyone ever heard of this?) My plan is when I'm accepted pay all of my bills in half up front so my husband can handle the rest, ( a little at a time so i can make sure nothing will be delinquent) and I won't have to be stressed about finances, I have taught myself to only spend money on what's important, preparing myself for clinical and only a part time salary. I can't really depend on my husbands pay, even now, because it fluctuates he doesn't have paid leave or anything so when he's off he doesn't get paid and I've been pushing for him to look for something better but with the economy and his lack of skills/education it's very hard for anyone to land solid income. I think my plan is good but I want to be sure. I know this is something I can handle( as far as the work load, because I want it too bad) but I would never want to sacrafice my children for anything because they simply didnt ask to be here and I take full responsiblity for them. I also don't want to be in the situation where someone else is raising them, because my morals and someone elses could be totally different, hence their father, I want them to never settle and know that the sky's the limit, their father hasn't reached that potential, but I think he loves my motivation for everything I do. I just wish everyone could understand how important this is for me... I think I will continue this journey and step out on faith.. because my future is so uncertain, I can only step out on a path that's utterly non existent.

freximus · May 3, 2011

Hi LaToya, it looks to me like your priorities are absolutely dead-on right.

However, I do see some areas where I think some tweaks can benefit you and your family.

The first is money. You and Hubby, need to be able to talk money and financial goals without it causing fights. Think and act like a team. And make sure that each of you respects the wants and needs of the other.

Now in regards to budget:

Nothing and absolutely nothing gets paid until you have purchased Food.

Second is Lights.

Third is Rent/Mortgage

Fourth is Transportation.

Everything else is gravy. I would prioritize spending in this order.... childcare, your education, big debt like student loans, then small debt like credit cards. Remember, nothing gets paid until the first 4 items are done. Then work your way down the list until you are out of money.

Husband needs to be absolutely 100% backing you up. Remind him that this is the time when he needs to be the man and start pulling in money. If this means 3 jobs, like delivering pizzas and cutting grass, then so be it.

Final note, and you need to take this to heart with what you want for your kids. Do not sacrifice your plans to complete this education in order to put them somewhere more expensive. If they need to suck-it-up for a year or two while you and hubby get your financial house in order, then it's okay. You will have kids that will strive for greatness only when they see YOU striving for greatness. You have to show them the way.

Final note, as you and hubby do better, and you will do much better, (BELIEVE IT) then you need to provide for your retirement, BEFORE you invest in your children's future. Here's why; many young households are being bankrupted just as they are getting started because their parents sacrificed their own futures to provide excessive perks for their kids. Ask yourself if you want your children to pay out of their own pocket to see that you get fed when you and hubby are in your seventies, and that should help you with this.

Remember, you are very smart, active, passionate woman who wants the best for her children. Just knowing that gets you halfway there. Work together with Husband, and it will happen in months, and this will just be a distant memory.

God speed.

PS, it may be too expensive, but does HACC have childcare facilities?

blackberrie_281 · May 3, 2011

I suggest attending nursing school on a part time basis. Like 9 hrs a semester.

2011NursingStudent · May 3, 2011

If you don't have any previous student loans, you could take out a little extra to help you with the bills. Also, if you can work a CNA job even at a nursing home, they still offer tuition reimbursement.

toyanzerb · May 3, 2011

I really appreciate everyone's responses and I will take each and everyone to heart but I have generated another question... I know nursing school is hard but what magnitude are you talking about is it critical thinking, science math hard? :uhoh3: or more of a heck of a lot of studying. Is there anything enjoyable what's your incentive, except the degree ,that motivates your return to class daily? I'm really trying to get my HEAD:banghead: in the right place

dmnddivax2 · May 3, 2011

My dear, give yourself some credit! You are already critically thinking. Algebra is not easy...but anatomy and physiology rocked for me. I also like micro too, except for the smells in lab. Keep your mind open and ready to soak up knowledge like a sponge, and you will do just fine. Trust yourself and strive for your goals!

dnijah · May 4, 2011

The best advice I can give is to pray on it and take care of the things you have control over and the things you don't give it to GOD he takes care of any and everything.