The Midlife Quest for Health: It's Not About Looks Anymore

Nurses Stress 101

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

............and I can't even remember why it ever was.

As many of you are well aware, I've battled a huge weight problem for most of my adult life. Although I recently hit my all-time high of 352 pounds, I've basically hung out around 280 for much of the past 15 years (and at this point I'd be happy to be there again), with countless ups and downs between 240 and 340. I hated the way I looked, but up until a few months ago, I've been functional; in fact, I was able to do as much physically as the average person, and indeed more than some normal-weight folks.

I'm having trouble now because I've finally become so heavy that my breathing is compromised, and then there is the simple reality of gravity: getting up and moving around is just plain hard work when you're dragging 350+ pounds around with you. The knees groan, the feet crackle, and the back goes "Oh, Lord, here we go". You also have to become something of a contortionist in order to accomplish certain feats of personal hygiene---thank God I'm still flexible enough to manage these things, or my dignity would surely suffer irreparable harm.

Ironically enough, I haven't been eating myself into an early grave these past months because of stress or anger or boredom; I'm tickled pink with my life in general, and perhaps for the first time ever, I'm eating because I actually ENJOY it!! No more eating just because it's there---I'm getting so much more out of life these days, that food is just another pleasure to be indulged in and savored.

Fortunately, somewhere between the time I lost the ability to don lace-up shoes and a week ago, I came to the realization that since I really do love my life, I want to stick around and enjoy it as long as I possibly can. Therefore, it was time for that last domino to fall into place: I finally understood that I need to be kinder to my body. It's put up with my excesses for the better part of fifty years, and the time is coming when it's going to up and quit on me if I don't take it a little easier. The funny thing is, it's no longer about looking a certain way; for goodness sake, I've been married for nearly 26 years to a man who thinks I'm beautiful no matter what the scale says. Who cares that I'll never measure up to some impossible Hollywood standard?

It IS, however, about feeling well and having as much quality of life as I can, for as long as I can. And when you're a small woman carrying 350+ pounds, your quality of life isn't the best, no matter how young or old you are. So..........one week ago I switched to a sensible diet that includes plenty of fresh fruit and veggies, lean meats, fish, and dairy, plus the occasional treat in reasonable portions to prevent those feelings of deprivation. I won't lose a ton of weight, and I won't lose it quickly, but I will lose enough that I can regain some control over my body and be able to move around more, so I can get down on the floor or sit in the grass and play with my grandchildren........work in the garden without huffing and puffing after only a few whacks with the hoe..........have a snowball fight with my family.

In the meantime, I already feel 100% better just from feeding myself properly; I hadn't planned on going to the fair with my family yesterday because I've been short of breath and gotten tired so easily, but after only a few days of better food, my energy level has come surging back and I walked all over the fairgrounds yesterday for four solid hours, just as if I were back to normal already. I wasn't even that tired, and there are no residual aches or pains today, even though that was the most physical activity I've done in one day since last fall.

Now, I'm not going to "diet", and I'm not making any guarantees.........I've learned that I need to approach healthful eating just like I do sobriety: one day at a time, maybe even one MEAL at a time. And for the first time, I'm accepting limitations on the amount and kind of food I put in my mouth not out of duty to someone else, and not as punishment for past indulgences. (Funny how that has finally come to me AFTER the one family member who could still make me feel guilty about my eating moved too far away to do so.) It's no longer about getting 'thin' or looking good; it's about shedding the layers that have partially shielded me from life so that I can achieve the authenticity I seek, and so that I can experience fully all the adventures waiting for me.

Now.........what's YOUR midlife plan to make the best of your later years? As Kipling wrote: "Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be.....the last of life, for which the first was made." The best, I feel, truly IS yet to be. Let's go for the gusto!!!!!

Marla,

Thanks for the encouraging post! I'm not at midlife yet (or at least I sure hope not), but I've also gotten to a point where things have to change. Lately my motto has been, 'I am in shape. Round is a shape.' Weight loss can be so frustrating. It's time to start the one-meal-at-a-time approach.

Thanks again for the inspiring words!

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

Great post Marla. I'm glad that you're already starting to feel better. We know we feel better when we take care of ourselves, why don't we do it every day, or as a life long habit?

That's part of what I want to do with my later life, one day at a time, take care of myself so I don't spend my time regretting my choices today.

I want to finish up my BSN and somehow be a mentor/teacher/educator etc. to the next generaiton of new nurses. I'm not sure how this is going to be manifested, weather I'll go on to a Masters, or what.

Also, I want the next half to be financially stable. I'm at a good point right now and I've never been deeply in debt, but I've also been a spendthrift, buying lots of CDs, hardback books, expensive vacations, etc. I haven't saved a lot of cold hard cash. I have a nice house, and I have a savings plan through my employer. But not cold hard cash to last through some hard times should they ever come.

Specializes in Maternal - Child Health.

Congratulations to you, and a heartfelt thanks for such a personal and moving message! I have a small amount of weight to lose and have been feeling sorry for myself that it hasn't just melted away. Your post is giving me renewed determination, and I'm sure I'll come back and read it frequently!

You may have just done more for the collective health of us here at Allnurses than you realize.

And thank you for posting in a forum that we can all contribute to!

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

And thanks to you all! The friends I've made here over the years are yet another blessing I wish to enjoy for many more to come......and if sharing my fight for my life helps even one other person, it will have been worth it.:p

Marla~

You, my dear, are awesome.

I am going to print out your post and hang it on my desk and carry a copy in my journal, to keep myself on track.

Thank you.

Hi Marla,

It sounds like you have had some horrible battles with your weight. I empathize. I have battled my weight for a long time also. I am a bit younger (40), but I see my struggles in my family rather than myself.

My husband seems to have an eating problem lately, and I am trying to loose about 10 pounds, but my husband seems to be working more on about 25-30 pounds. I worry about him more than I do about me, and ALAS I do not know how to help him. I am really going to miss our sex life... I feel myself losing the battle of the bulge with my dh. I do as much as I know to do, but I just don't know what I can do to help him to lose weight. I know that when I was pregnant, he gained weight also, but now I feel like the stay at home nag when I try to go there. I am gradually losing weight, but dh is just packing on the pounds. He doesn't have much free time, and he needs to eat, but he also needs to work harder than he does to loose weight too.

Add to this the fact that we have 2 small daughters (who need constant feeding) and this is a very hard battle to fight!!!!! How do I, a stay at home mom of 2 girls (working on a nursing degree), manage to feed my 2 VERY THIN daughters and get my husband to loose weight? I also want to lose about ten pounds, but I primarily want my husband to STOP EATING EVERYTHING IN SITE WHEN HE HAS A FREE MINUTE.

My husband once was a person who worked in the USAF and had a very lean and muscular body. However, now, he seems to do nothing more than eat, play on the computer, and watch TV after he comes home from work at 6:00.

This sounds selfish and critical, I know, but how do I get back that lean mean body for my dh?

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Thank you too, Julie!

I'm down 8 pounds as of this morning. Now, eight pounds off a 300-and-a-bunch body is like a $20 discount on a Rolls-Royce, but at least it's 8 pounds I'm no longer dragging around. Already my joints are thanking me by being ever-so-slightly less creaky...........it's a wee bit easier to get OOB in the morning........my legs and feet are less edematous........and I feel 100% better psychologically, which is by far the biggest benefit.

No crash dieting, no starvation, no pills or potions, no crazy all-or-nothing 'eating plans' that totally cut out carbohydrates or fats or whatever happens to be out of favor with the diet industry at a given time. Just plain old commonsense nutrition, the occasional treat to make the disciplined life worth living.........and a whole lot of patience!;)

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Hi Marla,

It sounds like you have had some horrible battles with your weight. I empathize. I have battled my weight for a long time also. I am a bit younger (40), but I see my struggles in my family rather than myself.

My husband seems to have an eating problem lately, and I am trying to loose about 10 pounds, but my husband seems to be working more on about 25-30 pounds. I worry about him more than I do about me, and ALAS I do not know how to help him. I am really going to miss our sex life... I feel myself losing the battle of the bulge with my dh. I do as much as I know to do, but I just don't know what I can do to help him to lose weight. I know that when I was pregnant, he gained weight also, but now I feel like the stay at home nag when I try to go there. I am gradually losing weight, but dh is just packing on the pounds. He doesn't have much free time, and he needs to eat, but he also needs to work harder than he does to loose weight too.

Add to this the fact that we have 2 small daughters (who need constant feeding) and this is a very hard battle to fight!!!!! How do I, a stay at home mom of 2 girls (working on a nursing degree), manage to feed my 2 VERY THIN daughters and get my husband to loose weight? I also want to lose about ten pounds, but I primarily want my husband to STOP EATING EVERYTHING IN SITE WHEN HE HAS A FREE MINUTE.

My husband once was a person who worked in the USAF and had a very lean and muscular body. However, now, he seems to do nothing more than eat, play on the computer, and watch TV after he comes home from work at 6:00.

This sounds selfish and critical, I know, but how do I get back that lean mean body for my dh?

First of all, you cannot do this for him. He has to want to lose weight, and until he is ready to do it, there is nothing you can do to change things.

Secondly, I'm curious about your statement "I'm really going to miss our sex life". It implies that you are turned off by his extra pounds to the point that you're willing to give up this vital part of marriage. Have you any idea of what that might do to his self-esteem, and how it could backfire? When I was a much younger woman, my mother used to make remarks about my shape every chance she got, and worse, she would withhold her approval if I gained weight. She wouldn't go anywhere with me, sometimes wouldn't even come to visit me, and once I overheard her warning her friends not to mention anything to me about my weight.........as if they didn't have the good taste to stay quiet anyway.

All this succeeded in doing was to drive me straight to the refrigerator. It hurt my feelings and made me angry, so I just ate more to cope with all the emotions I had to literally stuff down. My mother has been gone for a long time now---17 years today, in fact---but if my own husband, who's battled a weight problem himself for the past decade or so, had not loved me so unconditionally, I might have become one of those superobese people you hear about who weigh five or six hundred pounds or even more. He has been there for me, literally, through thick and thin. So again, please consider what effect that "nagging" and withholding sex might have on your mate.......no matter how well intended, it's apt to produce the opposite result!

Just my 2 cents' worth.........;)

Specializes in Critical Care.

Marla-

Thanks for the inspiring post. I am in my thirties with two beautiful daughters and a great hubby working toward my RN in May 2007 (hopefully). I have some extra baggage and I would love to be healthier and have more energy for my activities. The one meal at a time approach sounds really great, and I want to take better care of myself. Why is it that we always put ourselves on the bottom of our to do list???:rolleyes: Anyway, I'm sending you all of my good wishes and prayers.

Be well.

Mariann

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Thank you, Mariann!

The good news is, I'm down 22 pounds now. I lost 8 of it while I was sick with the flu a couple of weeks ago, but I'll take it any way I can get it!:wink2: With a body my size, it's not a significant amount of weight loss, but I FEEL so much better psychologically, my knees don't hurt as much, I'm getting around better, and even self-care tasks have become a good deal easier to manage without being a contortionist.

Yes, life is better without those 22 pounds.........and I'm not starving myself or depriving myself of anything. Just using common sense---what a concept, eh?

Thanks for the update, Marla. We're all rooting for you! I see that you are a grandmother and I'm excited that you will get to enjoy that so much more since you will be feeling so much better. Best wishes!

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