I'll try to make this as short as possible, but there's really no way to condense it.
When I went into nursing, I knew from the start that I wanted to specialize in an area that I could really try to excell in. I didn't know what area until I graduated (last May), but I finally settled on L&D.
To make a long story short, I love what I do. I love deliveries, the babies, my co-workers are absolutely wonderful ... BUT!!! When I started, cross training was the big thing in our area ( which I think is great ). I started out in nursery - spent about two and a half months there, then I went to post-partum - only spent a week there, then to surgery - where I witnessed all of THREE c-sections. I finally made it to L&D in September.
I had been in orientation for about three weeks when my partner for the shift called in. I was left on the floor alone by my manager who had told me that she would be around if I needed her. I had two deliveries back to back and was never able to find her! Keep in mind I am a new grad who had only been in L&D for about three weeks.
When I was started, I was promised at LEAST 8 weeks with a preceptor - I worked with her a total of about six days in my first month and a half - then I was taken off orientation! I was told that I was doing wonderfully and that I was ready. I DIDN'T FEEL READY! The next month (November) I went to the night shift WORKING ALONE!
My problem is that now here I am, in March, still feeling very scared and alone. Like I said, I love my job, but because I am alone so much of the time and still feel so new and like I missed out on so much, I feel myself dreading coming back in before I even start my days off.
I said that I saw a whopping 3 c-sections while I was in surgery - after that I was expected to scrub the d--- things! I was like - "Who the h--- are Bonnie and Alice??!!!!!!!" (teasing of course). Anyways, I think you get the picture.
Now I am starting to feel as though I made a mistake in going into nursing at all. I have tried telling my head nurse and the manager that I am scared, but all I ever get is a pat on the head, "You're doing great!"
I can't begin to tell you the times that I have been literally thrown into things - last week I had to work nursery alone and I was scared to death. It was my first time and my training in there was back in June of last year. I walked in that night and, of course, there was a c-section about to take place. I told my head nurse that I really needed some support because I had only caught the baby in a section a couple of times and that had been a year ago. Her answer? "You'll have Dr. with you, you'll be fine!"
My question is, Have I messed up? Am I being treaded unreasonably or am I just not cut out for nursing? I feel like I have the potential to be an excellent nurse, but why am I feeling like I just don't want to go on?
