I had a talk with my nurse manager yesterday. She gave me an evaulation and she said she thought I was doing a good job. She said she has heard many good things from patients, staff and even a doctor had something good to say about me.:)
She said she thought that as a new nurse I am exactly where I should be at this point. She gave me some tips for organization since I told her I could use some help on organization. I told her that I am working with becoming more confident with the doctors and how some of them have yelled at me for calling them in the middle of the night. I told her I know certain things are obvious that should be a definte call to the doctor but other things I am not sure about. She told me that any time I have any problem with any of the doctors to write their name down, the date it happened, and the time it happened and let her know about it. She said she will deal with it. She said that she likes to talk to the doctors about their attitudes because she said she is sick and tired of losing good staff over their attitudes. I feel better about that now and I feel a slight increase in confidence about it. I still am unsure when it's OK not to call on certain things.
I feel a little better after meeting with her yesterday. I was scared at first but I worked up some confidence to talk to her. I learned a VERY important lesson that is NOT to allow co-workers ESPECIALLY whom you don't know very well to intimidate you about going to your nurse manager. They have said some things about her that have intimidated me. I spoke with her and told her in honesty how I felt and how I feel overwhelmed. She said we will work on that.:)
I feel a new sense of optimism and hope that I have not felt in a LONG time. I should have gone to the manager a LONG time ago.
Guess what I am not ready to give up or quit either. Why? It is because I done 4 years of school. If I made it through school I can make it through this inital time of trials and tribulations and getting through the first inital difficult time. Winners don't quit during the storm. I re-read a favorite poem of mine entitled Don't Quit. I don't know who wrote it but the last sentence really hit me hard when I read it last night it said, "So Stick to the fight when you're hardest hit, It's when things seem worse, that you must not quit." I felt something released through me after reading that. Tonight I am ready to go back to work after having 8 days off and I am actually excited about going to work tonight.
I have decided to keep a journal and write about my days at work and put inspirational things in it to help me through this. Someone special recommended that and I have put it off for the longest but I will start doing it.
I saw a new doctor yesterday. She is GREAT. I was impressed with her on the very first visit. She spoke to me Christian to Christian and said a prayer with me and gave me a hug before I left. She gave me a prescription for Lexapro but she told that I need to get the REAL long term prescription back into my life like it once was and for the Christians out there you know exactly what that means.
Yes, I was upset about not getting the position I wanted after nursing school and working in Med-Surg but I finally realized something yesterday. There is a reason and purpose why I am where I am at right now. My inital setback is something that I believe happened for a reason and good and better things are brewing up for me.
Thank you to ALL of you out there who has helped me during this difficult moment. I am still far from where I want to be and still need help but I am starting to see a light again at the end of the Tunnel. My passion is starting to become renewed again. Many things I have finally started to see that I did not see before.
