Gratitude

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Jan 16, 2012

That's a great start!! Congratulations on your first 60 days---I can promise you that you've already been through the hardest phase of your recovery, and things will gradually get easier as you go along. Soon it'll be 90 days, then 180 days, then a full year.......and one day you'll look back and see that you've put 10, 20, even 30 years between you and your last use. Sometimes it's not just one day at a time, but one crisis at a time, one grit-your-teeth-and-get-through-it MINUTE at a time.

Something that I've found helpful over the years I've been in recovery is an acronym I learned in AA many years ago when I was just starting out in sobriety. It's called HALT, which stands for "Never let yourself get too Hungry, too Angry, too Lonely, or too Tired". Those are four of the worst triggers---avoid them like the plague, and you'll drastically reduce the chances of a 'slip'. Keep up the good work, and please let us know how you're doing. :hug: That gratitude list will grow every day!

princess papooli · Jan 16, 2012

Hello. I wish I could say that I have an "attitude of gratitude" but I cannot today, or since I started this journey of BON / diversion. I am grateful to be alive, and have the love of my family & my health, that's about it.

I hope I will not receive any hostilities as well. My involvement to BON was a result of my being too devoted to my career, going to work when I should of stayed home due to the fact that the dept. was short staffed & "no one better call in sick." I am a senior level nurse, middle aged, no dicipline actions at any of my job areas, LOVE MY CAREER, and wanted to absorbe and learn various areas of nursing. I also have a medical condition that on a prn basis I took a pain med once I got home from my work shift.

I was at work when I was experiencing an increasing ammount of pain from a new health condition unknown to me at the time I was asked to pee in a cup. I was initially asked if there would be a chance of a positive UA and I was honest, informing this person that I have prescribed pain medication that I took the evening before & it might show up in a UA. Apparently, someone viewed my tentative and guarded movements as being impaired. That new medical condition was dx'd by an ER doc after my UA was submitted.

I was advised to contact BON within 48 hours to get enrolled in their monitoring program or else the MC will report me. After a hostile discussion with the BON, who informed me that my only other option is that I can be reported to the state attorney general for more severe actions on my license, I complied.

I am not an addict. I do not know what it is like to think about, crave, obsess, romance, contemplate obtaining and using either drugs or alcohol. I had to go into intensive outpatient treatment where I heard others talking about how they have the obsession, desire, cravings and triggers to use. I had none. Ever. My state ordered psychiatrist and even my counselor both concur that I am not an addict. That what I am going through is wrong.

I have lost a position in a department of the MC where I would have loved to stay as a staff nurse until I retired (if I even chose to retire). The other staff menbers look at me now with distain and lack of respect. I only work part-time as there are no full time positions where I currently work. Too old to make a career change. Even all the experience in the various areas of nursing is working against me. I was told that I was obsolete as a nurse in the area that I have the greatest passion and experience in as I do not have "current experience" due to advancing technology, as if I am brain dead and cannot be shown how to plug in instrumentation, set up for proceedures. Losing my home. Spent thousand + dollars on state mandated UA.

Mandated to go to AA / NA meetings daily. My heart is joyful to hear how others have gotten sober / clean, learning what I have learned about addiction from my outpatient program. But all I feel is angry at what I lost.

I guess I am in the catagory of nurses who made one mistake, lapse of judgement and they were pulled over for DUI, but are not alcoholic. Working steps with a sponsor who also wonders why I am going through this.

I wish you all the best, I'm hoping to get a closer connection with a higher power so I can understand this process of recovery.

n addict. I have to always remember that FIRST. I tend to get wrapped up in what I do instead of who I am and that is a dangerous thing.

I see a lot of "venting" on this thread, and believe me, I understand because I too get frustrated at the process with the licensure board. I live in North Carolina and they have one of the toughest boards in the nation. However, I have to remember that I put myself in this situation, and while I am not responsible for my disease, I am responsible for my recovery.

I would like to try making a Gratitude List Post.

Today I am Grateful for:

1) 60 days clean today. YAY.

2) The opportunity to go to a Narcotics Anonymous convention in Virginia Beach.

3) I laughed a LOT with other women in the program today.

4) I have a loving family, including a husband who is keeping a warm fire going in the fireplace.:redbeathe

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · Jan 16, 2012

Beverly Congratulations on your difficult journey and 60 days of being clean/sobriety. :yeah:

Princess Papolli......I knew a nurse that was in a similar situation and totally innocent....I am so sorry. When one door closed another will open....even thought when you don't think it will.

My prayers for you both:hug:

backtowork · Jan 16, 2012

YAY BEVERLY...thank you for your uplifting words...:heartbeat:nurse::heartbeat

Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN · Jan 16, 2012

Kind thoughts and best of luck to both of you on your journeys.

Michifura · Jan 17, 2012

Beverly: keep at it!

Princess Papooli: sorry that you are going through that. i too believe like esme12 shared-one door closes but another will open. who knows, maybe this is the next step in your career...psych/addiction specialty nursing.

Best of luck to you both!!