Gratitude corner

[Twoyearnurse]

When one is finally released from the grips of opiate Or alcohol addiction/dependence we know a little of what to expect. I knew that every negative emotion I had been hiding by using would come back for me. What I did not expect was the overwhelming positive emotions. I've found these to be almost crippling at times. Perhaps because we are so used to dealing with negative emotions in the depths of our using that we are more capable of dealing with those in sobriety. I am overwhelmingly grateful. I have an amazing family- my sister took me in so I could escape an abusive relationship- without a question, she did this. My family is so supportive. My friends are supportive. I love my aa family. I have a great job which affords me the opportunity to work outside with plants all day in the sunshine. I have a nursing board investigator that offers guidance and insight without any indication of judgement in his speech or demeanor. My father told me once in my earliest sobriety after my relapse when I truly thought I was the worst human being ever created "if there is a name for it, someone has already done it, you are not alone". Gratitude is the single most difficult emotion I have been learning to cope with in this journey so far- complete and utter terror was more manageable. I told my sponsor that it made me want to cry, she said then cry! Gratitude is great! And it is, but I am also not one to cry...another thing I must learn in sobriety. I didn't want to post this at first because who complains about the frustration of learning to deal with good emotions? But then I remembered we are all infants learning to crawl- learning the mechanics is overwhelmingly frustrating and then we can do it. We can crawl- this is such a good thing- but then where do we take ourselves with our new found mobility? How do you all deal with gratitude and what are you grateful for today?

[DragonPurr]

Good for you! Sounds like you are finding your balance. I'm personally grateful that this year long deployment my husband has been on is almost over. Fingers crossed we have less than a month before he comes home.

[Oogie]

For me, to be grateful was to push the kindness forward. It seems the more I keep this rolling the more I have to be grateful for. Right now I am grateful for the people in this forum, folks just like me, working to find a new view on life and who take the time to reach out, to share, Peace

[newmommy26]

Oh wow what a topic. In the past 84 days I am grateful for being a recovering alcoholic and just the right time in my life and at just the right place. Guess that was because God had His plan all along for my life and while I was out there making a mess of my so called life at the time He did not allow me to die (which so many times was a very real danger). I know this is going to sound strange coming from a woman with only 84 days, but let me preface it by saying a week ago I had one year in recovery from a 22 year battle with an eating disorder that almost took my life, so I kind of know what I am saying when I say I am so grateful that I have the experience of being an alcoholic and an addict on many levels. This addict of biblical proportions needed to have God let her addictions and resulting consequences take her down very low to show the true healing power of His hand and to make it evident that I was indeed powerless. I am kind of very hard headed that way. Today I have so many could have, should have, would have's but they are the things I remind myself are forever gone and cannot be changed. I have things that hurt my heart, but nothing but the Hand of God will calm the storms in my heart. I had to learn that over and over again until it finally has stuck. So given all that what does gratefulness mean to me? It means loving and thanking God for sobriety and dying every single day to my will and working to seek and do His will (so a work in progress with this one), saying thank you to everyone who crosses my path even if they simply hold a door open to me, sharing appreciation to my husband on a daily basis even when I may be annoyed at the 3 things he may have forgotten to do, I thank him for the one thing he remembered even if that was simply putting our daughter to bed. Thanking the Board of Nursing and PNAP for giving me a means to have accountability for my sobriety for the next how many years they see fit. Yes people there is a love and thankfulness for the BON that is possible when I realized they are an instrument placed there to save my life. Finally and no where near of least, the friends I have met in the rooms of AA, in the sanctuary of my church, and on this forum are those that I thank God for everyday for they are many times the people God uses to speak to me through them and it is many times that I hear the will of God through them. Oh and one more important person I have to thank is the 6 month 2 week bundle of joy sleeping in the next room, who while she will never keep me sober, without her presence to make me really take a look at myself it may have been a much longer period of time I could have been out there in denial and whistling in the dark. Gratitude while not easy at times is necessary. Just thought of this for every moment or every time I complain about something or get angry maybe I should be thinking about 2 things I am grateful for and send someone a thank you for something. Faith without works is dead. I can say I am grateful but it means nothing if it stays in my head and not expressed. Thank you twoyear for your love and friendship, my early early sobriety was much more bearable with someone to talk too who understood. Thank you Oogie I recall one post you placed up there when I was in such a bad place and asked me to really stop having a pity party, honesty is great when you don't feel like it. Thank you for all of you on here who are honest and forthcoming, nonjudgmental and yet not afraid to tell it like it is. There is no easier softer way. You cannot go around sobriety you have to go through it and for nurses this can be a rough road but thank God we all have each other to share our experience, strength, and hope.

[catmom1, BSN, RN]

Hi CSetzler-

I hope this doesn't sound like I am trying to be mean or the "grammar police" but if you could break your post up into several paragraphs, each one addressing a particular point, it would be SO much easier to read.

I know you always make really good and helpful points so I am going out on a limb and mentioning this to you. I would hate to think that someone missed the good things that you had to say because of what is essentially a typographical issue.

Thanks! :)

Catmom :paw:

[newmommy26]

Thank you Catmom. I know you may think you were being helpful, but in actuality I interpreted your comment as an insult to free flowing writing and thought. It was my impression that this was a forum in which I could write in any which way I wanted. I don't edit or punctuate myself in the rooms or when journaling, so I guess I thought this was the same idea. Guess I was wrong. I will make sure to spell check and treat this forum like a discussion page forum in my graduate school work. Please administrators don't grade me on this I may fail!!! Above all I really don't care what you or anyone thinks of my punctuation, grammar, or improper speech when I am sharing something. Last night writing my thoughts on gratitude kept me sober and allowed me to express my feelings and emotions. At the end of the day that is all that matters.

[newmommy26]

One more thing and I will let it go. Just like we ask that people refrain from using foul language on this board, maybe we could also ask that unless your comment has to do with addiction, nursing boards, or issues related to addiction keep it to yourself. Honestly, would you walk into the rooms and tell someone that there manner of speaking is weird and it makes it hard to listen? Maybe you may think it, but unless you are really outspoken and without tact, you would not ever say that to someone who is there to save their life not their face. Just my two cents on this grammar issue. This is not the first time I have seen these comments thrown around here.

[exp626]

I recall in earlier recovery having feelings of overwhelming well-being. These experiences didn't occur often and they weren't reproducible, but they were profound. I hadn't experienced this feeling before, and as they were mixed with the other negative feelings associated with early recovery. Perhaps the universe was providing balance. I'm grateful for so many things in recovery, but this was what popped in my head when I read the OP. Thanks for the memory!