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Got a talking to....

amyqt amyqt (New) New

I'm enrolled in an LPN program and part of the program is cna training. I have taken CNA training 3 years ago and didn't get certified because my mom passed away and I was going through depression. I decided a few months ago I want to be a nurse and decided to do the LPN program. I'm currently enrolled in a cna class and I love it. At first I was upset because I have to retake this class but after the 1st day I love it, I love being around people and I go to class every day. The instructors are easy to get along with and are not boring to listen to at all. In the first week I sat in the back and would talk too much so the instructor pulled me aside and told me I need to stop, so I did and moved to the front of the class. I don't talk any more, I participate in discussions and I'm the one to answer all the questions when she asks them. The class is coming along great, I do good on my tests and already have all my skills signed off. I think I'm completely competent.

So the problem is yesterday I went to the restroom and when I got out one of the instructors was waiting for me, to talk to me. She asked me if I was okay because it seems that I don't want to be there. I look tired and keep going to the bathroom...because I'm not interested? She said that I look depressed and disengaged all the time. She knows that my parents have passed away because I have talked about my parents being sick and being in nursing homes. She always looks at me in class like she feels bad for me or something. It makes me uncomfortable because I'm trying to just go to school and become something and not dwell on my losses...its time to move on.

This was a total shock to me because I didn't know I was coming off that way. I have the look of a depressed person...when I have a straight face its really hard to read me. People always think I'm depressed but I'm not always depressed. I have been so happy at school because I love being around people and I'm doing something productive. I'm moving forward. I told her all this.

When I went home I could not stop thing about what she said. I was wondering how I could seem more engaged. I though I should just participate more and so I did. At lunch time today one of the directors of the program pulled me aside and had the same discussion with me. I was so mad inside. She told me I was written up for this. She said one of the questions she asked them was "would you want her as your CNA"? Both instructors said no.

I'm so insulted in a way. I know they are trying to help but to write me up? Thats crazy. I asked to speak to both the instructors in private because this isn't fair to be singled out like this. I had to convince them I was okay and this is what I have a passion for. I can't stress how much I love being there and this whole learning experience. I hope they believe me because I was totally trying to be more enthusiastic today and seem more involved. I'm going to help the students with their skills and help them get signed off. Thats all I can do. And smile more.

They are expecting a higher standard from me because I'm going to be a nurse.

I'm just confused...it makes me question myself a lot. If this is what I should be doing. :eek::idea:

Yes, this is what you should be doing.

Paste a phony smile on your face until it freezes and get through it. I have discovered that sometimes instructors really don't like people for whom it comes easily and will do their best to weed them out. Why, I can't even imagine.

This came early for you in your nursing career. Deal with it successfully now so it, hopefully, won't come up again in nursing school. "Tell them what they want to hear", "Act the way they want you to act". Give them what they want on a silver platter. If you are signed off on all your skills, yes, help a slower student. If you got a 97% on your last written exam, yes, offer to tutor the person who failed. Kiss the butts of the instructors. Best to learn how to do all of this now before you have higher stakes in nursing school. And put up your guard and keep it up. Start with that "fake" smile and "bubbly" disposition. And start a journal, names, dates, places, what was said, or done to you. Good luck.

Moogie

Specializes in Gerontology, nursing education.

Is it possible you are unconsciously giving off a vibe that either you are depressed or that you might already know it all? You might want to ask some of your friends who will be honest with you if you are doing anything that might give your instructors that impression.

I remember when I was going through a particularly tough time in life and a little girl in a grocery store pointed at me and asked her mom, "Why is that lady so sad?" I didn't feel sad at the time but that comment was enough to make me realize that I was giving off some pretty negative, depressed, "kick me" vibes. Might be similar for you.

HTH!

On Monday, I had my orientation for my nursing program. It was with my nursing advisor. She told us, DO NOT TELL YOUR INSTRUCTORS WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR PERSONAL LIFE. I did not quite understand this, but she went on to explain, "If you have a problem at home, with you boyfriend, husband, family, do not talk to your instructor." She said, "Come to me. I will understand anything and give you any advice I can. Sometimes instructors see this and do not take pity. Sometimes it works the opposite way and hurts the student." I know that you did not come out and use your situation as an excuse for anything, but maybe this is what your instructors are doing...using your situation against you. I am sorry you are experiencing this. It really seems as though this is what you were meant to do. Just prove everyone wrong, you know in your heart that this is your calling. Good luck to you. :redbeathe

~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN

Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.

I get people asking me "what's wrong" a lot if I just don't have much to say. I am generally a very social person but I don't always have a perma smile and when I am busy I guess I look mad. I agree with the advice that has been given.

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