Backstory: I was hired by a hospital to be a PCA(basically a CNA) until a new grad program started in January which I was guaranteed (this word was actually used) I would be a part of this program and then would be an RN. I took it because its a foot in the door, its an amazing hospital (I've dreamt of working there for a decade), its good experience, and their new grad program is exceptionally hard to get into otherwise.
At orientation I met some other people hired for the same thing, when we got to talking it seemed like we had all been told a different story, and not just a little different but a lot. Even though several us spoke to the exact same 2 people (we were hired at a hiring event and there were 4 people and you interviewed with 2).
So I called the director of our PCA to RN program to talk to her for clarification and because I have not received an email from the supervisor who sets up floor orientation (but all the other people I met had- they got theirs last monday). She told me I just had to wait, which I'm okay with doing (though I'm very eager to start).
My real trouble is what is going on going from PCA to RN is not what I was told. I said I had heard a few different ways the process works and could she give me clarification. The new grad program actually starts in February but there is no guarantee that I'm in it or that I'll ever be hired there as an RN. I have to make all the nurses on the unit like me and want to recommend me. She told me I have to sell myself and not everyone who was hired will a) get a spot in the program or b) like I said ever be hired there. She said I have to go in everyday and be my best and make the staff want to work with me and trust me as an RN. Obviously I would do this anyway but it feels different when you know you people are looking to critique you every minute of every shift.
I feel like its a popularity contest and that's not what what I was told or signed up for. Or would have signed up for had it been presented to me like that. Before she finished, she said I see you talked to my boss so I know this is what you were told. At this point I just kept my mouth shut (because its absolutely not what her boss told me but obviously I can't say that) and thanked her for clarifying thing for me and told her I was looking forward to working for her and hung up. But I'm not looking forward to this anymore but I feel trapped. If I quit I basically ruin my chances of working here forever, and possibly tarnishing my resume because now this all comes up on a background check. I'm terrified of this "make everyone like you" thing. Don't get me wrong its not that people don't like me but I don't feel like I'm never anyone's favorite. I try really hard to be nice, be a team player, work hard etc but I feel like because I'm usually just quietly handling things I go unnoticed. Forgotten. I have no idea how to make myself noticed without looking like an ******* (I've tried in the past and it did not go well for me). I literally know no one at this hospital so I have no one on my side to help me out.
I have no idea what to do.
I feel like I'm just going to have to show up work as hard as I can and hope that I'm not wasting the next 3 months not looking for another RN position.
