Good Nurse/Bad Nurse

JBMmom, MSN, NP · Feb 18, 2021

My Mrs G was my first preceptor when I came to the unit just over three years ago. At least once a shift I look around my patient's room and say, is this how the room would look if S____ was the nurse in here? And I often pretend to myself that I'm handing my patient off to her in the morning looking around to see what she would do first thing. She makes me want to be a better nurse every day and if I'm someday half the nurse that she is I will consider myself successful.

My Lindy Lu is my current supervisor, L____. She talks about nurses to other nurses, my annual review was 40 minutes of listening to how "this nurse is mean", "this nurse is on her phone too much", "this nurse is lazy". I know for a fact that I had a good review last year and less than two weeks later she warned my new coworker that I can be overbearing and create a difficult work environment because I have unreasonably high standards. So, you get one message to your face and another behind your back. Worst manager I've ever had, and now we have a mass exodus of staff. Other than myself, night shift has turned over 100% since I started three years ago. I can name 14 nurses that have come and gone since I joined the unit on my shift alone. And my Mrs G is just the latest in the line of excellent nurses to leave becase they've just had enough. Very frustrating.

Davey Do · Feb 18, 2021

37 minutes ago, JBMmom said:

At least once a shift I look around my patient's room and say, is this how the room would look if S____ was the nurse in here?

1 hour ago, Davey Do said:

We are drawn toward the behavior and acts of good Nurses and attempt to emulate them.

"Love is like jam. We can't spread even a little without getting some on ourselves." -Linus Van Pelt

Every emotionally inspired act stems from the two basic emotions of love or fear.

Behavior which is personified by another's actions triggers an emotional response within us. If we love the behavior of another, we love ourselves when we manifest similar behavior.

If we see another's positive behavior for which we do not, or cannot, emulate, we feel fear in realizing we are unable to manifest similar behavior.

38 minutes ago, JBMmom said:

she warned my new coworker that I can be overbearing and create a difficult work environment because I have unreasonably high standards.

night shift has turned over 100% since I started three years ago.

If we feel fear for our inability to manifest similarly positive behavior, we can find ways to bring that positive individual down to our level, which will lessen our fears.

1 hour ago, Davey Do said:

...sow seeds of distrust. Those seeds of distrust sprout and grow weeds that will choke out productive plants.

It seems that in this world, good does not always prevail, or love does not overcome fear. However, as I sense you are a person of integrity JBMmom, and you will continue on your path of righteousness, despite the stumbling blocks thrown in.

We only have to sleep with ourselves and we would much rather sleep with someone who acts out of love, than one who acts out of fear.

allnurses Guide · Feb 18, 2021

While I will say that I had both good and bad teachers it didn't really matter as they prepared me to pass the NCLEX and that's what I did. When it came time for me to start working as in Interim Permitee in 2002 I had some of the best mentorship a new nurse could have. The nurses on the L&D floor literally sucked me in and taught me everything they knew. It was too bad that I succumed to a basic character flaw with included some addictive behavior and I fell under the scrutiny of BON for 5 years, But I got better.

I learned to turn and face the monsters in my past and gain a host of new coping skills, During this time I went to work for the Psych facility that I now currently work for. Again, I had excellent mentorship and no attitude from those who knew my past.

I too had teacher who told me the same thing as you which was"If you can do nothing else , just be there for the patient." I actually think this is a quote from one of the nurse theorists but that doesn't matter as the information passed to someone willing to learn is invaluable.

I like to think that I am a good nurse but I know there are times when I haven't set the bar as high as I should have. Every day I learn something new and attempt to apply it to my practice. In the end I strive to do no harm and just be present for the patient and to pay forward the good mentorship that was such a great benefit to me.

Hppy

Davey Do · Feb 18, 2021

If an individual manifests negative behavior against which cannot be dealt with or resolved, two tried and true methods are Unsolicited Forgiveness and Loving Indifference.

When we forgive someone their wrongs, one of the reasons for our action is to lessen our own burden. Forgiveness is not forgetting or condoning the behavior, it is merely allowing The Forces That Be to be in charge of the outcome.

Revenge, generally speaking in our society, is an acceptable response. There are some really popular stories and movies out there where the one who was wronged seeks, and relishes within, their revenge.

Loving indifference means to act toward the wrongdoer without emotion. There is no revenge or retaliation, there are no stones thrown. Sometimes, the wrongdoer needs to be given no attention and become a persona non grata.

guest1163268 · Feb 20, 2021

On 2/18/2021 at 12:21 PM, Davey Do said:

There is a concept that we learn as much, if not more from our bad teachers, as we learn from our good teachers.

As Nurses, we learn how we can be good Nurses from so-called good and bad Nurses alike. We are drawn toward the behavior and acts of good Nurses and attempt to emulate them. We see exercises in futility in situations with the bad Nurses and realize their tact doesn't work; "that dog don't hunt".

My first LPN instructor, Mrs. G, made a statement that laid a foundation for my future actions as a Nurse:

For the next 36 years of my nursing career, when I had done all I could have done, if I could do nothing more, I would be there for my patient.

From 1987 to 1990, I worked on a CD treatment unit under the supervision of an RN, Lindy Lu, who laid the foundation for my future actions as, among other nursing positions, a supervisor.

In those 3 1/2 years, I worked with some of the very best Nurses and Therapists of my career. Lindy Lu had the power and capability to be the driving force to cause the eventual collapse of that wonderful unit.

As a supervisor, I learned from Lindy Lu not to play favorites, to put principles before personalities, for playing favorites and putting personalities before principles will sow seeds of distrust. Those seeds of distrust sprout and grow weeds that will choke out productive plants.

Who has been a Mrs. G in your nursing career?

On the other hand, who has been your Lindy Lu?

You sound like my dad, Davey!

My parents are my heroes! They never take guff from anyone and will not allow any of their children to either. And that applies to them. If they are wrong and you don't point it out to them, you are in worse trouble. Always stand up for yourself and for the less privileged.

My school years were spent dismantling bullies. Cannot tolerate bullying of any sort. It doesn't mean that I was friends of the bullied, I just can't tolerate it! My size helped and if that didn't work, I'd tell my older sister and that would solve that!

I notice the same pattern on the units. Cliques and groups. I don't get involved. I take my cues from my parents behaviors.

guest1163268 · Feb 20, 2021

On 2/18/2021 at 2:34 PM, Davey Do said:

Loving indifference means to act toward the wrongdoer without emotion. There is no revenge or retaliation, there are no stones thrown. Sometimes, the wrongdoer needs to be given no attention and become a persona non grata.

Not sure if I agree? I believe in consequences. Total Darwinism!

Always worked for me. You mess with me and the reaction will be equal to the exerted action. There's always adequate warning before hand that you shouldn't interfere with me, so there's rarely ever any need for reactions.

Bullies, whether physically, psychologically or emotionally, only exhibit those behaviors because they know they will not suffer consequences. And, I have always found bullies are actually very insecure and are easily embarrassed, because they actually wear their insecurities on their sleeves. Being the product of a half Scottish and English parents means that insults and wit, practically gushes out.

I can't stand inconsiderate people!

Davey Do · Feb 20, 2021

1 hour ago, Curious1997 said:

Not sure if I agree? I believe in consequences. Total Darwinism!

Universal laws allow for consequences, Curious.

It's just that the vengeance is not mine.

With the concept of loving indifference, the Cosmos have the say. Seeking retaliation does not raise my consciousness or add to my akashic record.

At his time in my life, in Erikson's stages of psychosocial development, I feel more integrity than I do despair.

guest1163268 · Feb 21, 2021

5 minutes ago, Davey Do said:

Universal laws allow for consequences, Curious.

It's just that the vengeance is not mine.

With the concept of loving indifference, the Cosmos have the say. Seeking retaliation does not raise my consciousness or add to my akashic record.

At his time in my life, in Erikson's stages of psychosocial development, I feel more integrity than I do despair.

I don't believe in vengeance either, just that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. It's just a different description. Tomato.... Tomayto.

I think civility has its place, but so to does deterrents. Evolution provides garish colouration for the dangerous, so be aware. Humans use more subtle, but equally effective methods.

Simply a matter of advertising correctly. Here's the line, your move!

I think education unfortunately has a byproduct of decreasing courage allowing the more crude elements to flourish. Eg Trump, Cruz, Hawley etc. They are creations of their environment. They could have easily been prevented if our culture had dealt with them from an early age. Only pitiful cowards behave like they do.

I was blessed with opposable thumbs and an excellent brain, allowing me to comprehend the importance of tools. We didn't become apex predators by brawn and I will not allow a brutish Neanderthal to get the best of me. If my rhetoric doesn't provide the discouragement, then I utilize my interlect to fashion the means to get my message across.

I'm very competitive Davey. Bred that way and with very little fear of others, because I was always encouraged that my brain made me equal to most endeavors. I seek solutions with escalating probabilities, until my message is received.

You're a man and a nurse. Think mechanics. Bullies are such pitiful idiots. If they understood how many joints and fulcrums humans possess, the concept of levers, and how utterly frail we are, they would never bully anyone, ever! Sometimes no matter how much you try to resolve problems in a civilized fashion, some people don't understand that language.

Does America ever give into our enemies?

The reason managers etc behave the way they do, it's because they always conduct their negative behaviors privately. The best deterrent is exposure. If someone is a bad apple and won't listen to reason, you use the protocols provided and if that fails, use technology.

Did I mention that I don't like bullies and inconsiderate people?