Going back to nursing school with anxiety d/o & depression.

jewelspassion · Dec 17, 2010

Hello, first of all i want to tell you that you should be very proud of what you have accomplished. I congratulate you for getting so far.

I too have been down the road for three years, i have been done with my prerequisites since 05 but had to move around for many different reasons, so i start a nursing program(ADN) next Fall.

The first time i got accepted into a program i found out i was pregnant and began to experience a lot of anxiety and then panic attacks, the sad thing is that i didn't have insurance at the time so i couldn't even get a diagnosis, well not a proper one. It was the worst time in my life, a confusing one, horrible, so i know how you've felt and how you feel now. I rushed through school carrying tons of units having perfect grades for about two years, i had a difficult husband, three boys and a very sick father living with me at the time, so i had a lot on my plate!! it took about 2 years for it to fully manifest(anxiety/panic attacks). Once i found out the battle began. There were days i didn't think i could make it, there were days i would just lay there waiting for something to happen, like die. It was nothing like i experienced b4.

To make a long story short i had to defer school that year, yes after waiting all that time and all that hard work-i had to give it all up. i was angry and hurt. I felt like it wasn't fair!! it wasn't.

So i know how you feel.

Now for you- i have faced those EXACT same questions?? can i do it? will i be able to do it? when will i get better? can i handle school with all this anxiety? all of those questions i still ask myself but now it's different.

You do realize that all your fears stem from your anxiety/depression/ocd nothing else. If you didn't have the anxiety your worries would not control you. The hardest thing about dealing with anxiety is that it conditions your mind to react certain ways to certain situations(i'm sure you know that).

I also got the info on Lucinda's stuff-good stuff.

I think therapy is good, and medicine is not for everyone. Have you tried natural stuff, like Kava? or anything else?

I too was put on Celexa, i hated it, some of those medicines are so numbing, but living with anxiety is numbing also, it can destroy your life if you let it.

I know you feel so vulnerable right now, the medicine doesn't make it any better. I feel for you, i know exactly how you feel.

I'm pretty sure you have heard of many things to do, some new, some old, some tiring about hearing.

I gotta tell you, that YOU are ur best friend, you are better than any medicine or therapy. It seems impossible but it isn't. The more you give into it the more control it will have on you.

I want to ask you a serious question?? please be open minded.

Do you believe in God?

I'm not trying to sell you on something, i just know what has kept me sane, you want to be sane don't you? i know you do. I stepped out and believed in something greater for help, it works, just like God can deliver the drug addict he can deliver ppl with personalities such as ours.

I'm pretty sure you have sought out everyway possible you have been over the years and have wondered well maybe it was this or that, that caused this but in reality, yes we are worry warts, overachievers, stuffers of our emotions and the list goes on!!

I am no longer like that. I deal with anxiety but on a different level, a normal level, not a level where i feel like my head is going to explode, or my heart is going to give out because it's beating too fast, or the numbness in my legs or face or the paranoia that comes with it when it gets bad.

See it's about owning it, the anxiety if you own it it will own you, it's like a dog chasing his/her tail, it's never ending.

There is a solution, i would really love to work with you, pray for you, help you to become the person you want to be, please let me know if you would like to, God's word says that a "a good word brings cheer" it's true.

Jewels xoxoo

SarahMaria, MSN, RN · Dec 18, 2010

So, here's my predicament... last summer (2010) I started having severe panic attacks which led to an anxiety disorder and depression (also found hypothyroidism and am on medication for it). I had to take the past fall 2010 semester off because I was so anxious sitting in classes or even standing in line at the grocery store or driving- I was house-bound for a few weeks. I had anxiety problems in high school, but conquered them through Lucinda Basset's tape set. This time it was much stronger and worse and came with uncontrollable thoughts of harming myself. I was then diagnosed with OCD (Obsessional thinking without the compulsions). After a slew of different SSRI SNRIs and Anti-Phychotic (yeah?????) medications, and a suicide attempt, two hospitalizations, and many hours of therapy I found a drug that is working ... decently... (Luvox at 300 mg w/Ativan 1 mg prn). These past 5 months have been nothing short of a living hell for me. I used to be very active (coaching youth sports, active in on campus activities, exercise, going out) and have become a couch potato who is very very scared to get back into things at school in 5 weeks. I also have found that since I have not been studying my brain has turned useless and I barely remember anything I learned my first year. Has anyone been through anything like this and succeeded in nursing school? Does anybody have advice for someone in my situation? Know a friend with a similar situation and a success story? Will I be able to get back into it and get my masters in nursing and become an NP one day? I feel very scared about going back to school and being able to sit in class let alone learn the material and test well. Also, should I tell my professors about what happened? If so, how much should I share? I don't want to be looked at as weak, but my therapist says they should know. Also, is there any suggestion on what I could be doing in the next 5 weeks to academically prepare aside from going over my NCLEX book? Any good books of the basics or I don't know...
Thank you so much in advance for your response! I really appreciate it.

Hello,

I have worked in psychiatry for almost 10 years. Also, I have bipolar type II disorder, social anxiety disorder, and have attempted suicide twice. Since my diagnosis over 10 years ago, I have had trials of SSRIs, SNRIs, antipsychotics (typical and atypical), mood stabilizers (Lithium and anticonvulsants), benzodiazepines, and sedative-hypnotics/sleep medication. Name it, and I've probably been prescribed it. Unfortunately, psychopharmacology is trial and error, but once a psychiatrist or APRN finds the appropriate medication (or combination of medications), the result can make a tremendous difference. The key is to have faith, respect, and trust your psychiatrist, MD, or APRN.

I completed college and received my bachelor's with no problems. The next year, I was diagnosed. I then entered law school (I was also working full time). In my second year, my mental health began to rapidly deteriorate. I was having crippling anxiety, and I was so severely depressed that I couldn't function. I attempted suicide twice. The administrators and advisors at school told me I should drop out because I had missed too much class and I was so far behind I would never pass. I had missed about a month of school. While in the psych unit, I had somebody bring my schoolwork so I could keep up to prove them wrong. I ended up getting a "B" in all my classes.

My point is, you can do anything you set your mind to.

As far as getting your MSN and becoming a NP, you should only concern yourself with today. One day at a time. If you start thinking about all your big goals, you will overwhelm yourself and make yourself anxious. Focus on smaller, manageable tasks that you can accomplish.

I'm not sure why your therapist thinks its a good idea to reveal your mental illness to your professors. That may backfire. If they know you have an anxiety disorder, they may think you can't handle the stress of the nursing program/clinical. I would ask your therapist to elaborate on her reasoning.

Hope this is helpful.

jewelspassion · Dec 18, 2010

Hello,
I have worked in psychiatry for almost 10 years. Also, I have bipolar type II disorder, social anxiety disorder, and have attempted suicide twice. Since my diagnosis over 10 years ago, I have had trials of SSRIs, SNRIs, antipsychotics (typical and atypical), mood stabilizers (Lithium and anticonvulsants), benzodiazepines, and sedative-hypnotics/sleep medication. Name it, and I've probably been prescribed it. Unfortunately, psychopharmacology is trial and error, but once a psychiatrist or APRN finds the appropriate medication (or combination of medications), the result can make a tremendous difference. The key is to have faith, respect, and trust your psychiatrist, MD, or APRN.
I completed college and received my bachelor's with no problems. The next year, I was diagnosed. I then entered law school (I was also working full time). In my second year, my mental health began to rapidly deteriorate. I was having crippling anxiety, and I was so severely depressed that I couldn't function. I attempted suicide twice. The administrators and advisors at school told me I should drop out because I had missed too much class and I was so far behind I would never pass. I had missed about a month of school. While in the psych unit, I had somebody bring my schoolwork so I could keep up to prove them wrong. I ended up getting a "B" in all my classes.
My point is, you can do anything you set your mind to.
As far as getting your MSN and becoming a NP, you should only concern yourself with today. One day at a time. If you start thinking about all your big goals, you will overwhelm yourself and make yourself anxious. Focus on smaller, manageable tasks that you can accomplish.
I'm not sure why your therapist thinks its a good idea to reveal your mental illness to your professors. That may backfire. If they know you have an anxiety disorder, they may think you can't handle the stress of the nursing program/clinical. I would ask your therapist to elaborate on her reasoning.
Hope this is helpful.

You are very inspiring!! especially for those who have dealt with this, no one can truly understand what we go through. Thank you for taking the time to share your story, your words make ppl like us feel like we really can do anything we put our minds to, thanks :yeah:

ajroth19 · Dec 18, 2010

to op:

i could have written your post a year and a half ago. i have suffered anxiety and panic attacks during my life. first, when i was a little girl then it seemed to go away. as i was taking my pre requisite classes (and working 30 hours a week, and commuting 2-3 hours a day), panic attacks came back with a vengeance.

i literally had to take off a week of work and school and stay at home and not move, i was terrified of losing my job, losing my great gpa, and losing my mind!! i was so scared.

it has taken a lot to heal and get into my program, but you know what? i'm doing it and a year ago, i thought i was going to go crazy!

i had to go to my md, get a rx for paxil and xannex and though that doesn't work for everyone it has worked miracles for me.

i slowly started back at work and school, and just know you can always politely excuse yourself to the bathroom. i know you probably feel like you are trapped in a room or situation. you’re not!!

as you slowly gain your confidence again, you can and will succeed! as most people with our disorder, we are over achievers and want to be perfect. stop! stop comparing yourself to others and go out and rock it!

feel free to email me ajroth19 @ yahoo

jewelspassion · Dec 19, 2010

We have to take better care of ourselves, mentally, physically, emotionally, all three have to be in sync, or else something suffers. We are overachievers and perfectionists and because of this we learn the hard way. I know i begin to feel anxious or panicky when i am stuffing something that is going on in my life, or when i am eating horribly and not exercising. I also notice if i push mysel to do too much my body wants to act out. A lot of times i sit and recollect things, you know put them into perspective so i can go on. I have learned how to say no when it's time to say no and yes when i really want to say yes.

Should we go on thinking that life is going to be perfect, HECK no, but we can at least try in have a perspective that if we make small or large changes in our life then it will work. I am still learning 3 years later. I think it's ok to say we can handle oh so much, but i also do believe that if you let anxiety stop you from doing the things you love or wish to suceed in then that's when we begin to feel trapped in it. Like i said before it truly is like a dog chasing its own tail one big circle especially when we let it take hold of our lives. It really is the fear in itself that will paralyze us.

There is a popular saying and it is "Do it afraid"

I always say i have to pull myself down from way up here to there, when my thoughts go rapid i stop in take deep breathes or stretch in put things back into perspective. Okay there world is not gonna fall apart because of all of the "what ifs".

I love life now, i am not medicated right now but occasionally take Kava for my anxiety, but i cope, the body has its natural way of healing itself, it really does but we can only expect it to do what we put in it. :redbeathe

decembergrad2011, BSN, RN · Dec 19, 2010

I'm here doing it, and I believe you can as well.

I withdrew twice during my early college career due to anxiety/poor mental health. I felt the way you did - anxious, never could get out of the house, etc. I went to therapy and it helped immensely. I was in group therapy this last semester of college and I plan on continuing either group or individual therapy this coming semester.

I've let my instructors know about my anxiety on a "need to know" basis. I had to tell my med-surg clinical instructor because usually during our 12 hour clinicals, I would need to excuse myself for a few minutes in order to go to the bathroom, splash some water on my face, and calm down. I told her because I wanted her to know I was not just slacking off, and I felt more comfortable telling her because I already had actions in place to combat it - that shows good coping mechanisms. I also told another instructor because she asked if I had test anxiety, and another instructor who I was close to who asked me what I believed my greatest weakness was during a clinical evaluation. My other instructors have not asked or needed to know, so they do not! Or at the very least, they didn't hear it from me.

I've been met by nothing but supportive responses in discussing my anxiety, but I couldn't promise this would be everyone's experience. I've been conservative in who I share my issues with, though. I've also never gone so far as to enlighten my professors about some of my more self-destructive behavior that's happened as a result of my anxiety because, frankly, it's none of their business.

itsmejuli · Dec 20, 2010

I've had to deal with anxiety and depression over the last 10 years, probably more. I've tried medications but in the end they always let me down, I never had much success with them and suffered side effects. I also spent a lot of time and money on therapy. I won't get into my whole story here.

So this fall while in school I found myself sliding down that slippery slope again. I didn't want to be on meds but knew I had to do something.

I went to a chinese doctor who was schooled in traditional chinese medicine, western medicine and acupuncture.

I am having great success in the treatment of my anxiety and depression with acupuncture and chinese herbs. I wouldn't even consider myself to be anxious nor depressed at this time. I"m so glad I found this doctor, she helped me complete the semester with decent grades. If it weren't for her I'm sure I would have either withdrawn or failed.