Gimme your one-liners!

Published

Specializes in Med Surg, Ortho, Tele, ICU, Hospice.

Ah, what an epiphany I had today.

You know, those of you who use the accucheck machines, that they have a barcode scanner on 'em? Well at my hospital pt bracelets come with a barcode. How very handy.

So I'm doing this accucheck, and I say to my pt, can I see your wristband? And she says sure, why?

And I say, We're like the supermarket, we keep inventory on all our fruits and nuts!

And a good time was had by all, a fine blood glucose reading was obtained, and I'll have a smarmy one-liner that I am absolutely sure I will flog to death by chronic overuse for weeks to come.

Anybody got one they'd like to throw in?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ER.

Every time i draw labs on a pt they see the 5 tubes and i can almost see the words coming out of thier mouth " do you really need all that blood" and for some reason the first thing to come out of my mouth " well, I sell it on the side" you should see some of the looks !! of course it takes thier mind off the draw.. and i'm done in no time. of course i immediately tell them im joking...i find that by making someone laugh.. it makes it a little easier for them.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Emergency.

My favorite is when I have to start an IV. I am a pretty good stick and usually get it on the first try. I will finish up and then say to the pt and family (if present) "Not bad for my first time, if I do say so myself!" You'd be amazed at the laughs I get!

Amy

Up Vote Up Vote ×

When an A&O pt is afraid we'll drop them during a lift or transfer I sometimes say "Our quota for dropping people is three a day, and we made that hours ago, so you're perfectly safe."

When I worked nocs, I'd tell my pts "Now remember- no pillow fights."

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in acute care.

When I get a patient who has just gotten a pacemaker or ICD and has gotten one or more new leads with it, I always remind them to be careful with the arm on the side where it was implanted...or else they might have to get rewired!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

When a patient asks me "what are you doing with all that blood?" I tell'em I'm drinking it. Also, when patients are embarrased/upset about how old they are, I always say it's better than the alternative!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in NICU, Infection Control.

"You wake 'em, you take 'em!"

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion