Getting through NS with a Family!

Junebugfairy · Nov 23, 2008

i am currently in ns, going for my rn.

i will say this, we lost a lot of mothers during the first 6 months of the program.

it is intense, it will challenge you, and it will consume you. for me, it is awesome. i am happily married, but we do not want children, so it is easy for my situation.

i think that you should know that you will spend a lot of time studying, and you will be challenged for time with family.

stufnsuch · Nov 23, 2008

Honestly...I still do stuff with my family...we still go shopping and to the movies and play games...you will still see them, but with kids at home all the time, you will need to find a quiet place to be sure the study time you do get, is good quality time. Now, if your Mom is there to take on the responsibilty of the kids for you...WOW...I'm Jealous...you should be all set.

Don't let the studying and everyone saying you won't have time for anything else get to you...it's not that way for me, and I'm someone that needs to study...I dont' just GET IT the first time around.

good luck!!!!

mybrowneyedgirl, BSN, RN · Nov 24, 2008

Really, the best thing to do is find a studying method that works best for you a.s.a.p. If you study efficiently and effectively, you will still have time to spend with your family.

You will drop the ball at times & you will feel guilty for not spending as much time as you'd like, but you have a great support system. Try to schedule in time w/ them for fun things. I don't know how tight money is, but you could search for brief, free activities to do with them. Find good free kid videos at the library, study when they nap etc.

It can be done if you really want it bad enough. My kids are older so it's hard to fully see things from your point with 3 littler ones. You mom sounds amazing.

It might also help to create a list of meals that are easy/quick to fix. That helps alot when you're busy.

I wish you lots of luck. I love my school and hope you will too.

thefabulousmrst · Nov 24, 2008

When I started NS, the instructor said that the kids will have to start doing their own laundry. I thought she was joking. Ha ha, she wasn't. Over time, you will learn that house hold chores you used to keep up with just aren't as big a deal as they used to be. You will find time for your family. You'll multitask All great nurses do that! Kids are also very handy to practice your assessment skills on. You are very lucky to have your mom.

NoviceRN10 · Nov 24, 2008

I have four young children (8, 6, and two 4 yr olds) and I manage to find time to do most of the things I did before nursing school (4wks left till I'm done with my first year). I guess it must depend on your program and how it is structured, maybe? (I'm in a 2 yr ADN program) I do need to spend about 6 hours studying over a couple of days time before an exam, but by no means am I studying daily, nor ignoring my family. I get As and Bs. None of the mothers have dropped out or flunked out of my program (well, I guess there was one but she dropped because a clinical instructor was intimidating her too much), I would say half our class is mothers, 4 of the guys are fathers, and a third are childless twenty-somethings. I don't feel like my family is sacrificing so much that they really notice. My twins go to a neighbor's home when I am in class 4 days a week, thankfully only two full days and two half days. My husband drives the kids to the sitter or latch-key three days a week, and he doesn't bat an eye when I tell him I'm taking off to the school or library to study for a few hours. He doesn't do laundry, but then I won't let him . You are lucky to have your mom there to watch the kids whenever you need her, that is awesome. I think you will do fine :).

Mommy_of_3_in_AL..RN · Nov 24, 2008

I definitely know where you are coming from. My kids were 18 mos, 2, and 4 when i started school. They are now 3, 5, and 7. It has been a roller coaster of a ride, but i made it, and so did they. I will graduate in about 3 weeks. My husband works 6 days a week, and long hours, so i am left on my own for the most part. My mom keeps them, gets them to and from school, and starts on homework before i get in. I usually have something school related to do 3 days a week or so. She has been wonderful, as she is a nurse also, and manages to work her schedule around mine. She is the only one that helps with the kids, so i have never had her to keep them while i studied or whatever. I do that while they are running around, and sometimes let them get away with more than i should because i feel guilty about not being as involved as i would have liked. I managed to be there for things like the first school days and all, but there are alot of things they cant do because we simply dont have the time and the money. They get irritated in that aspect, but over all they have adjusted well. Just remember that school is temporary. As long as you make time for the big things, the little things will pass. You will eventually be finished with school and in the work place, and your life will be better for it. Kids are resiliant, and can go with the flow pretty well. The biggest problem is my husband!! He gets jealous because i spend more time in the books than with him, but i usually tell him that if he wants to go take the test and deal with clinicals, then i will be glad to go to bed when he does, etc. He usually just shuts up and sulks a while.

KarmaInMotion · Nov 24, 2008

It can be done. It takes time mgmt - which i was never great at, but i am getting better. I think that says alot lol.

For me and my family, sometimes because they can't read all that is going on in our minds, I have to keep reminding them, individually and in different ways, what is going on. Many people, including instructors, suggest posting a schedule to help your family see what is going on. I write all school related things, assignments, papers, quizes, exams, etc on a calander - posted in the kitchen - for my husband to see. Sometimes, if he still doesn't get it, I will read outloud some portion of paper or text to him that sounds complex and ask him what he thinks. lol he responds with a smart*ss 'exactly!' I think that helps to remind him and give him an idea of what I'm going through.

Always take some time for your family and YOU - It can be done, even if it's one bubble bath a month or before or after exam day for you. For your family, snuggling up to a show on the couch or on the weekend AM in your bed can be little gems that don't take much effort. Too much of anything while neglecting other things is not healthy.

Don't strive for perfection, and don't beat yourself up for any slips. The house will not implode if it gets messy. The kids will not become malnourished on more quick meals for 24-48 months out of their lifetime; anyway, even quick can be balanced and healthy. You always have time in a day to say 'I love you' and give hugs and kisses - that's enough, there is no neglect, so don't feel guilty. Don't kill yourself for a high grade, strive for passing and understanding - which should result in a decent grade anyway.

Positive affirmations - when I neglected doing these for myself, I noticed I was more stressed. When I began to do them again, I noticed I felt and did better. If you are religious, don't forget to pray. Avoid negative people, if unavoidable try to keep your responses and thoughts positive. Think about it like you would a patient, you don't want to pass judgement, but you don't want to get that caught up in all of their issues that are beyond you. Negative people can have a way of attatching a chain of negativity to a person and bring them down too. I've seen it happen. However, don't hold on to your worries. It's great to vent and release those worries from your body with fellow students that understand. You will always have the nursing school student connection.

Share your successes as well. I tell my 9 yo, "mommy got a 90 on her test!" She gives me her proud smile, says "alright!" and gives me a hug or high 5. You could make a smiley sticker chart for your 4 yo to reward you when you do well. My parents are taking us out to eat to celebrate making it through the semester. Every little bit is like an extra pebble of support that helps keep you going.

senecagirl · Nov 24, 2008

it can be done, but its a tough ride! I am still trying to catch up on laundry that is piled up in our spare room from the summer! lol I dont do mad cleaning like I used to....

I have not had much time with my family this semester but that is because i've got clinical and lab on weekends.

good luck! you will learn what can be let go and you will let it go! lol

chnc1024, ASN · Nov 24, 2008

Yes, I'm very lucky that my mom will be here to help me with the kids! There's no way I could go to school with out her, because it would be imposible to afford! And I would also have to put the baby on formula (at least while I was durring school) because daycares won't take pumped breast milk.

My husband helps with cleaning and things quite a bit, but gets REALLY grumpy when he comes home and things aren't the way he likes them-it drives me crazy he acts like just because there are dishes in the sink, and a few toys out that I did nothing durring the day.

But anyway, thanks for your imput! I'm usually pretty quick with learning new things, but since everything in NS will be new info, I'm not sure if it will be quiet the same. I passed all my science classes (AP 1&2, Micro) with A's and honestly didn't really put much effort into it, but I also didn't have a my 3rd baby and had the luxury of sleeping all night. Well on most days anyway. I think I will probably have the most trouble getting the required reading done. I'm an audio learner, so anything covered in lecture won't be an issue, but I also know that it isn't possible for all the info to be covered durring the 5 hours of class we will have each week. I read fairly quickly, IF what I'm reading is interesting, but otherwise I find myself thinking more about what I'm gonna cook for dinner, or have songs from kid shows running through my head. By the time I realize what I've done, half an hour has passed and I've got to re-read the last 3 paragraphs over again.

Also, the whole study thing, I've never really been a "study" person. I can't take notes durring class, I end up missing too much of what the teacher is saying. I'm getting a recorder so I can listen to the lecture again later and jot down a few things that I think I might have a hard time remembering so that I can give it more focus. But other than that I don't really know what I can do. I just don't know how my learning style is going to serve me in a NS situation. Have any of you had issues with this. Any suggestions?

KarmaInMotion · Nov 25, 2008

Sounds like you and I have smilar brains lol. The power of skimming can be great when the reading adds up. I always feel like I am playing catch up if I read word for word every little thing. I try to skim and look for things that I feel may be important before lecture if I can. All of my theory instructors give us some form of a supplemental outline, so then that turns into a main focus. Make not of anything that is stressed on or repeated. If it is allowed in your nursing program, a recorder may help. It will take more effort than your pre/co-reqs did. But since you did so well in A&P and micro, if you retain it well, that will help you as you progress. I think it helps while listening to lectures to think holistically when physiological issues are the topic. Imaging in your mind or as doodles or word games simltaniously as the lecture is going on, or if you come up with something while you are studying is good. Examples - my daughter is learning angles in math, I told her the way I always remembered the difference between obtuse and acute was obtuse starts with 'O', so I imagine a big 'O'pen mouth, for acute I just think oh, cute and little... Insulin is "for bringing the sugar in", when the "sugar is gone" we get glucagon (that was courtesy of my nutrition instructor)... I'll draw little quick doodles along side of my notes too, like a little arterial 'Y' segment with a scribbled blob and an arrow to it showing that a bifurcation is a good spot for plaque build up. Do whatchya gotta do to get you through!

Oh, and you're gonna have to have a sitdown with hubby and tell him he's gonna have to chill or deal with his hang ups on his own. Believe me, if he comes home and gets in a mood over a few dishes and you're doing some studying because you're worried about the topic or grade or what ever, or trying to, or have been up all night before getting ready for clinical - that will only amp up your stress level. I went mortal on my husband when he tried to get moody while I was in school... There are no guarantees that he will always be the bread winner for you and the kids. Life happens, inury and illness happens, and so does death - he should appreciate you working toward being able to provide for the family and kids as well as meet your own achievements... And if anything should ever happen... It'll sure be better than working for 'MegaLoMart'... Of course, that's just my not-so-soft-spoken way I talk to my husband sometimes.

missjennmb · Nov 25, 2008

I work about 28 hrs a week (at a place an hr from home), go to nsg school, homeschool my 13 yr old, and have a 1 yr old and a 3 yr old. Its been really tough. Its been MORE than tough. There are days that I don't see my children at all and nights I've cried to sleep because I've missed so much of them already. What I would say, is that if you can eliminate and simplify, and get help with the "work" of raising a family (feeding/laundry/cleaning) and don't have to work outside the home as well, it should be a piece of cake (well not quite, but you get the idea). I usually play with my daughters for about a half hour in the morning before we get up and get ready (except on clinicals days as I have to be out before 6am). Really just letting the house go, letting the chores go, and taking AND APPRECIATING the time that I get with my kids, makes it possible. Also, time management is key. I can either chit chat between classes and before class with classmates, and study at home later, or I can study at every single spare moment at school and not get "social" and spend my free time with my family instead of my classmates.

Good luck. Its tough, but worthwhile.