What a nightmare. Bullying. (long)

[Thedreamer]

Today was the first day of clinical for Med/surg 2. My group is on the ICU step down. Needless to say the day was going to be interesting. My instructor gave me a patient, told me I would be giving meds and that was that. No problem for me, I love doing hands on with patients. Im quite quick at doing what needs to be done, doing it write, and charting it. This means I usually have time to brighten up my classmates days by helping them. Today I had finished my total patient care, and was walking around the floor to see if anyone was stressing out and needed another hand to help them out. I have experience as an EMT so things like showing the girls how to do acu-checks and the like are really helpful to move them along.

I found this one girl in my class, I wont say her name but I will call her Student 1. She appeared to be having a horrible day so I asked her what they problem was. She told me she had a pocket of meds from this morning she still hasnt given, hadnt started her charting, and still needed to find our Instructor, who I will call Instructor 1. I consoled her, told her that If she needed help, I dont mind doing anything she needed. She seemed happy about that. Then I told her, she might want to learn to be more assertive with her time management so this doesnt happen again. She snapped at me, which I can understand, she was so stressed. I just smiled and backed off a bit. I went to find Instructor 1 because I needed her to view my days work via report. I found her in one of the patients rooms on the floor. She seemed kinda stressed, which made sense since she had 8 of us running around the floor on her license ( not everyone has prior trainning like I do)

Instructor one told me to go please find Student 1 so she could do a straight cath. "NEAT!" I thought. I went around the floor, found her, and told her what she was going to get to do. She wanted nothing to do with it. I accompanied her back to the room to see her patient and the Instructor. Once again she denied wanting to do the straight cath, so the teacher asked me too. "Wow!" I thought. What a neat thing to get to do my first day this floor. I did it quite well with help from the instructor. It was a great learning opportunity. Student 1 and Instructor one then went about taking care of this patients meds since he hadnt gotten a single one all day. It was 10 past one so i was late for lunch.

I get down to the cafeteria, eat my lunch and notice that I dont know where post conference is. Here is where things got way out of control. The instructors sit across the large cafeteria together. I approached them to ask the question and Instructor 1 asks me if I can find student 1 because she forgot to give her the MAR to sign off on the medication they gave. I said, no problem. Searched for a while and finally found her. She was just sitting down to eat. I told her that the instructor wanted to see her, it was important and she needed to go. Student 1 told me flatly that she just sat down and was going to eat and be there soon. I said, no problem, after all, I understood. So I went to let the instructor know that Student 1 would only be a few minutes but that she was heading over. Instructor 1 then started YELLING at me! "YOU TELL HER TO GET OVER HERE NOW!!!!" The other three instructors immediatly reminded her that I wasnt the one she was mad at and understanding she was very stressed I told her it was OK and went to get the girl. I get back to Student 1 and tell her that it was urgent. She told me she didnt care. Kick her outta the program for all she cared, shes finishing her sandwhich and shed get over there when she was ready. I tried to stress the instructor was angry but she didnt care.

Well two minutes later I am going across the hospital to find an vending machine so I could finish my quest to obtain the fabled peanut M&M bag when I pass by a hall and see the instructor reaming the girl out. I felt bad but we all know an unsigned med is an ungiven med, and as it turned out, if the med was given twice to this patient it would have killed them. No wonder she was so angry.

Well about 10 minutes later we all go to get on the elevators to go to post conference. I go in to an elevator with the girl and her 3 gang group. I distinctly heard, "Oh hell no hes not comming on here!" So I just turned right back around, and that being the final straw of degration I could handle today went around the corner and tried not to cry. Everyone was yelling at me, and all I was doing was trying to help! So my previous instructor from last term came to find out why I looked so upset. I told her what I thought I heard, but didnt tell her who it was because even I didnt know. That set her off. The instructors are kinda defensive about me. She grabbed me, took me up on the elevator with the other three instructors to go talk to the girls. I of course just kept thinking, "This cant be happening, this cant be happening." The instructors kept saying things like, "We wont allow this kinda bullying to go on!" ect ect. I felt nauseas.

We got to the floor, and they round the girls up into a corner and start talking to them to find out what happened. I was waiting down the hall because I was so embarassed. I hate conflict. And these girls didnt like me before from a similar situation I posted on about in the bullying thread. Well know it was 4 against one. They told the instructors that I was lying, and an amazing actor and blah blah. The instructors believed me over these four. And that made the girls even MORE angrier. Finally the issue was left at "respect each other" and to go to post conference. I was so upset I just stayed behind and cried for 10 minutes. This was so unfair, I had had such a good day and now this? I had HELPED this person not even an hour prior cause she looked upset, and now her and her gang of girls were making me out to be a liar who was out to get them.

Finally I went into post conference and when i sat down one of the girls was giving me the "I better not see you in the parking lot after school" look. So childish, so high school. The other girls were completely pretending I didnt exist. I waited after conference till everyone had left because I was physically scared that they might do something once they were out of sight of anyone official. I just cant tell you how upsetting today was. It seems that I need to care less about others and just do my own thing. I try so hard to keep myself up, and keep all my classmates above water too. But now I feel like I am done being the nice guy that always goes out of his way to help everyone. Look what that got me today.

I know that was a long read. Im sorry I just had to get this all off my chest.

[anonymurse]

Hey, Thedreamer, you are at high risk for failure. You don't think so, and that is why you are dazed and confused. You figure you have all your ducks in a row, you're smart, you're experienced, you're helpful and you figure things should be easy, yet you got bushwhacked. I'm going to be real blunt.

You got sucked into a rescuer-victim-persecutor triangle. You have to develop a sense of smell for this, and it'll be tougher for you because you have more of the rescuer in you than the average bear. The thing is, people who play this game need it like an addict needs his drug. They will suddenly switch roles to improve their emotional returns (heck, they'll do it just to stay in the game).

The instructor tried to rescue the world of nursing from the original victim, whom she was casting as persecutor. She hoped the other instructors would pay her warm fuzzies. It didn't work. Then she saw it was much more emotionally lucrative and sure for her to rescue the original victim by recasting you as the persecutor and herself as the rescuer.

If you can see this, go read a primer text. I have no idea why this incredibly useful study fell out of popular vogue, but go to a used bookstore and blow 95 cents on a copy of "Games People Play: The basic handbook of transactional analysis" by Eric Berne. Assimilate the lessons. Examine your life. Inventory your motivators.

Reason will tell you even right now that when you take your heart off your sleeve and stash it back in the hidden protection of your chest where it belongs your vulnerability will be drastically reduced.

Suspect your feelings. Does a certain scenario trigger outrage? Hold your reaction. You might be getting sucked into someone's play. You might be getting sucked into your own play. Hold to the center of calm for 1/10 of a second. Then a little longer. Then long enough to get home and think things over. The payoff is huge.

After a while you'll start noticing things about your patients that no one else notices. Then you'll understand that your detachment from emotional payoff is making this possible. You can't truly hear them when all you hear is yourself. But when you have no internal play or dialogue going on, you are all eyes and ears for your patient.

[creature]

I don't think it was fair of your instructor to make you the go between. Your best bet is to do your work and help others if they ask for it. Just ignore these girls. Clinicals are rough. It's just a hectic part of nursing school that you have to get through. I really think you have a good caring attitude and it seems like you are more than willing to try new procedures which is the best thing you can do. Never turn down the opportunity to do something you have never done. Take all the experience you can get during clinicals which it sounds as if you are. Just concentrate on yourself and what you have to do. Don't get sucked into the drama.

[Thedreamer]

I think that is an interesting point. I just read up on all that. I will say that I didnt "Seek" out any of this drama. My instructor put me in a bad situation. She is very moody at times and saying "no" to her original task at the time would have seemed rude. Where I went wrong was after I went back to tell her the message had been relayed, and she proceeded to actually SCREAM at me. I should have right there and then told her that if she was so upset she could find the student herself and not use me like she did. But I was scared because she is the one who determines if we pass clinical or not, I.E. the entire semester. So I did what she asked. Ive never had to deal with such irrational behavior before. It was a learning experience, not an emotional payoff as you make it sound.

[EmerNurse, BSN, RN]

No good deed goes unpunished, Dreamer, I'm sorry.

Do your own work, let it be known that you'll help if asked, but don't go looking for it. Learn to look busy if you're all caught up. Go read your patients' chart all the way through (learn a lot that way, btw), ask your patients' nurse if there's anything else you should know, do, etc.

You are responsible for your actions, and your classmates for theirs. You're safer and calmer if you keep it that way. Sad truth, but it's the truth in the working world too, so get comfy with it now.

Hang in there!

[Mama2girls]

You've gotten some great advice here, just wanted to tell you I hope you feel better. It sounds stressful in every way for you. You sound like a great classmate and that's sad they can't appreciate all your help. I know I would be greatful for it! I'm the kind of person who probably asks too many questions because I just want everything done right. So if I had a fellow classmate who was experienced in some of those areas I would be loving their help! If I were in your situation though, I think i'd have to try to keep to myself the rest of clinicals. Watch out for your own butt and focus on graduating. They apparently are taking you for granted.

[Thedreamer]

Yea I have learned a great deal from this experience. Lifes funny like that.

[Annabelle57]

Dude, I am so sorry that happened to you. You think you leave the world of high school behind when you hit college (even the 2nd time if you're a second-degree girl like me) and boom, it comes right back to smack you in the a$$.

I'll echo what many others have said: be careful about offering help to other students. Not because it's not incredibly generous of you, because it is, or that they don't need help, which they probably do, but in the long run, it's not the most helpful thing for them. Part of the learning process is learning how to juggle and time management (as you know), including being responsible for your meds and the MAR and stuff, and you never learn that faster than when you called out on the carpet for it all! Having to sweat it a little bit makes you learn things fast. And having another student, who should theoretically be on the same learning level as you (struggling with time management, etc), be doing so much better than you and offer to help because you are so blatantly behind and bad at your organizational skills... well, it probably feels like a personal attack, though I know that is not at all how you meant it.

Hold on to your compassion, because having it - and not letting other peoples' crap make you bitter - will make you a damn fine RN. Your patients will be all the more better off because of your heart. When you're on the floor and you're finished with all of your tasks, you'll score major brownie points if you ask the RNs on the floor if there's anything you can help them with, or the often-overworked CNAs. Going out of your way to help the RNs will mean that they'll come seek you out when they're going to do something "cool": foleys, dressing changes, debridement of burns, trips to radiology, etc.

Hang in there!

[ExCorporateRN]

My advice is to stay under the radar during clinicals. If you stick your neck out, it will get chopped!

Sounds like you have a lot of great experience and are willing to step out and help out. But this scenario there are too many egos involved.

Don't give up your enthusiasm. I think you would be a great ER nurse who can quickly step up the plate and get the work done - stat!

[Thedreamer]

:redbeathe:redbeathe:redbeathe:redbeathe:redbeathe:redbeathe:redbeathe:redbeathe:redbeathe:redbeathe

[kukukajoo, LPN]

dreamer- i feel bad that you have gone through this and that this isn't the first time. i have had issues that i have had to work to overcome as well. i think that maybe you are inadvertently setting yourself up without even realizing it. maybe there is something in your actions, tone, communication style, etc. that is making others feel like you are trying to act superior to them and it makes them defensive and i do see some red flags in your post that would set some personality types off. sometimes it is not you directly, but how you interact with a certain personality type.

i learned that when you continually have the same problems, it is time to look inside and find a way to better communicate that type of person and how your communication style affects others.

i highly recommend getting [color=#990099]the 5 essential people skills : dale carnegie organization it is available in audio cd's or by book. i think i paid under $25 for the audio set and have learned sooo much it was worth 5 times that! dale carengie's how to win friends and influence people is also a great book and availble for under 2.00 used. i'll keep these two forever.

i have a feeling that you will understand what i mean once you read these books. i remember thinking "it could not be me that is the problem" but then learning effective communication as well as listening and people reading skills and it really has helped me tremendously and i feel it will carry me well within my career.

when you went to the other student and said she needed to learn time management, it was only natural for her to be on the defensive immediately, as you were being accusatory to her without assessing the situation fully and that is not a wise way to communicate. a better approach may have been to say something like, "i see you are having a hard time today getting your assigned tasks completed, can i help you with anything?" and open up communication in a way that opens dialog and allows a person to ask for help, not shuts a person down and makes them defensive. this is specifically covered in one of the first few sections in the first book i mentioned.

i wish you well and hope that things get better for you soon. it makes things go by so much faster when everyone gets along and works well together. take care!

[RN BSN 2009]

Just worry about your work and let the others fall behind!

[Thedreamer]

Ive had alot of time to think about how I react to these people. Why I may be at fault by saying some possibly accusatory things, that does not give them an excuse to act the way they do. They suck thier teeth when I am asked to do something in class for the prof, they talk about me constantly to other students, they say I say things to them that I dont in attempts to get me in trouble.. its so sick. No matter HOW I reacted to them they would still treat me badly. One of the girls since the first day of class has hated me and "told me off" every chance shes gotten. Very childish. I never even talked to her so theres no reason in the world she could hate me so much from the moment she met me =/

I will look into those books you talked about. They seem like a win win situation. Thanks :)